Post as your OC's 'Shadow Self'

Posted 3 months, 20 days ago (Edited 3 months, 18 days ago) by Kim 'Kimiko' Madison Yuna_Animatus

"I am a shadow... The true self..."

I'm not sure if this has already been done, but I thought I thought it'd be a cool idea! Basically, in this topic you make a post as an OC's 'Shadow Self'. For a further explanation, a 'Shadow Self' is the side of ourselves that we like to repress and pretend doesn't exist. However, that side of you is, of course, still you. So for this topic, think about your characters and what sort of thoughts, emotions or feelings they might be hiding from everyone else. Then, personify that into a 'Shadow Self' version of your character, who embodies everything they'd rather hide or deny about themselves.

Rules:

  • This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with any secrets your character might have, although there is a good chance they might tie into their repressed Shadow Self. 
  • Blank out any content that could be deemed sensitive or NSFW. Like this.
  • Write as much or as little as you need to! This is just a fun little exercise to help develop your characters.
  • Have fun!

To provide an example, here's Kimiko's Shadow Self:

 "I am a shadow... the true self! God... all I want is for people to just tell me how much they love me. If I have to lie a little bit to get them to do that, then so be it! I'm so lucky to have some pretty gullible friends... if they knew how much of a sham I was, it'd be all over for me! That's what I am, a sham, a fraud! And I love it! So why should I stop? Because it isn't right to lie? Because tricking people is wrong? As if that'll make me stop! Without these lies, i'm nothing! Just a dumb otaku, without any real friends or a real job.

Lying gets me exactly what I need out of life. There's no way i'll stop... i'll never stop."

"I am a shadow, the true self. I wish things had been different. I love Olive and Ev and Axel and everyone else, they're like my family. But I just can't go a single day without thinking of her, you know? These panic attacks and memories get to be too much sometimes. I wish I was a little bit stronger, I wish I had fought back. I wish I had never let her cut into my skin and destroy me, figuratively and literally. I wish I wasn't dead, especially because of her. But when have wishes ever helped me? I'm a hopeless fool. Even if I hate her, she was right. Just a hopeless, weak idiot."


(TW: death, abuse, torture, general spoilers for ace)


((just a quick note here this hURT to write because ace is my darling fave and oof,, relatable))

"I devoted my entire being to serving humanity, and for what?" The apparition's lip curled up in a sneer of a hundred jagged teeth.

"Your society perpetuates an endless cycle of suffering and greed. When I failed to fix anything I thought it was my fault, I thought I was the one who deserved to die... Now I see it's humans who are to blame."

Its voice dropped to a venomous hiss, "I want you all to bleed as I have bled for you. Break as I have been broken time and time and time again for you.

I want to feel bones shatter under my grip, I want absolution in the blood that pours over my hands. I'm sick of trying when my efforts are all for nothing. I'm sick of drowning this rage by hurting myself. I want to feel someone else's pain...."

Its Stygian eyes glinted in the half-light as it loomed closer -- "...Don't you, Xaanik?"


[TW:: self harm/suicide & general violence]

[jesus christ the e d g e
learn to deal with your emotions better Xaanik please for the love of god]

[tbh he has a whole squad of 'shadow selves' to choose from, but this one is buried deepest -- and is certainly the most dramatic. The pain and anger caused by his past, which he doesn't yet know how to process, has the potential to produce something incredibly monstrous.]

[also lemme just add -- I really love this thread!!]

"I carved out a life for myself, against all odds. I'm rich, I have everything I could possibly want. And yet I still spend all my nights drinking, alone. Because, what, I'm lonely? It's pathetic.

I have more power, more luxury than most people are likely to even see in their lifetime... How can I still feel like this? Like the helpless sickly child I was all those years ago? 

Look at me, strutting around in dazzling silk just to get attention. Why? So nobody will be able to see my imperfections under all that glitter. And because few puzzled looks from passers-by is the closest thing to love I'll ever get. It's pathetic

But I can't let people see how weak I am, ever, no matter the cost. As long as no one sees any gaps in my armour, that's what matters. I'd sooner die than accept anyone's pity. If it means I'll never be loved that's a price I'm going to have to be willing to pay. 

No... I'll just bury myself in my study. Keep working. If I work hard enough I'll become close enough to godlike that nothing will be able to touch me. I'll never feel scared, I'll never need anyone's help. It won't matter that I'm so different; won't matter that I'm alone."

 "I am a shadow... the true self.. I'm actually scared of losing the people that i have in my life right now. I'm scared of showing and sharing my opinions about stuff online because a lot of people know me and because of that i might get backlash and hate. But i really want to show the world what i think about things nonetheless, i really don't know what i should do with these feelings so i take it out on an anonymous blog. Hoping nobody will know it's me. Not even my best friend knows about this and it will stay that way. My thoughts are my thoughts."

"I am a shadow-- the truth self." Mismatched eyes glittered with malicious amusement as the pair from beyond the mirror gazed back at them in bone white terror "Ahaha, what?~ You thought you could lie, lie, lie like that and be done with it? No, I'm here. I'm always here-- every single one of your lies... I know 'em! All you really know is how to lie, don't you~? Even your personality is a lie! You smile, and laugh, but that's not really how you feel at aaaaall, is it? Your poor friiiiends... if you can really call them that. They look like zealots who would throw their lives away for the sake of others, for the sake of you. The one they put onto a high pedestal, because you're the almighty eikon-slayer! And you think you're special. You think they love you, you think someone finally loves you, but they only care for your abilities. Even Alphinaud-- you say he's joking when he makes his replacement quips-- when he's supposedly worried, but there probably are replacements out there for you, y'know~? You're not the only one with Echo. And for those who have sacrificed their lives for you? Like Haurchefant? He died for a lie. The one person you thought might've cared for you, for you? Even him, you've only shown your fake self to, your fake smiles! He died not for you, but for the person he thought you were. He died for a sham!"

[ ooc; :'D Aaah, I love FFXIV. It's nice throwing this out from a warrior of light stance. BTW. RED HAS HEAVENSWARD SPOILERS. It mentions character death also. 

Black are self-destructive thoughts. ]

(When you already had a shadow version of your oc lol Spent all day working on this because I'm using this for a fic.)

"Aren't they beautiful, Adrian?...Who, you ask? Our family, of course! " Glee formed on Shadow Adrian's face as he said those lines.

"No no no, Adrian. Not our biological ones. They aren't our true family. Hahaha! Why would I associate myself with those bastards? What did they do to help us recover from losing our sister? Oh right. They tried to reassure us everything was going to be ok and sent us to that psychiatrist. You remember her, Adrian? You remember how much a lovely individual she was. You remember how she pulled you into believing that she was concerned about your mental health? You remember how you spilled your feelings to her as she gave you words of reassurance and lies that you will get better? You remember how hurt you felt when you learned she was no different from everyone else. It stings...but don’t worry she got what she deserved~ Granted, it wasn’t by your hands but still~” Shadow Adrian  hummed.

"But let's forget her and remember our true family. Yes. Yes. I'm referring to your little thieves~ You love them. You don't want to admit it but you know you love them. You loved them the moment you got to know them. All of them suffered something they were unfortunate enough to face. You wan-no you need to protect them. They are your property after all and no one deserves to touch them especially your Kira~ Ah...he is quite a beautiful angel. One who has fallen for grace but still beautiful. I do question something. Why is it...you refuse to admit you love them? Is it because of Valeria? You fear your children are as weak as her and wish to avoid a situation where they could be killed. HA!....Oh...did I hit a nerve? I would say sorry but let's be honest here...you know I'm right. If Valeria wasn't so damn weak, she would have been able to deal with that shadow. It she wasn't so damn weak, we wouldn't have to suffer because of what happened to her. If she wasn't so damn weak, she would have still been alive!" His smile dropped as his eyes narrowed.

"She ruined our ability to properly love! She ruined our ability to function whenever we are reminded of her! She ruined our ability to want to become a star! She ruined our relationships! She ruined everything and yet you refuse to admit that! Out of everyone of our biological family, you refused to admit that it was her fault we're broken! Why? Because you always sit down and try to avoid your problems. Drinking. Screwing people. Abusing your body by fighting shadows. Drowning yourself in music. Do I need to go on what else you use to avoid your problems, Adrian?" His happiness had faded away at this poi.

"You are still the same coward I encountered years ago. The only difference is that instead of running away from your problems, you stuffed them deep inside of you and ignored them. You do this, knowing that it’s making you suffer more.Not to say you don’t care. Oh, you do care. You’re just too much a chicken to get help. Then again...who can you trust? Who are you willing to tell your feelings to without worrying that they won’t betray you or ignore you? Who are you willing to talk to that you won’t fear won’t end up being killed?” Shadow Adrian voice deepen.

“No one..that’s the answer and you already…..know….that. Because I'm you and you are me."


"I am the shadow... The true self! Underneath all that usless bravado, the lies. I am a child trying to be an adult in the world that just wants me to grow up and do my job. I want someone that i can be with and make them happy. i spend my time carefully cultivating what i say and do so that others wont just forget about me after I'm out of sight. If they knew that i wasn't as cool and confident as i put on would they want to waste their time with me? Whatever, its not like i care about the people i meet. They dont deserve it anyway."