Alistair McLain



2 years, 11 months ago


CONTENT WARNING! This profile contains an implied mention of sexual assault in the backstory. Contains scattered mentions of recreational drug use.
Status main / active / nfs / accepting art / made in 2014
Name Alistair Colin McLain
Age 20 years
Gender Male
Pronouns He/him
Species Human
Ethnicity Australian
D.O.B 20th December (Sagittarius)
Relationship Status Taken
Orientation Homosexual
Occupation Woolies cashier/assistant manager
Accent Thick Australian accent
Looks Like Unknown name
Voiceclaim Simon Curtis
Theme Song If This Ship Sinks

Your name is ALISTAIR MCLAIN and you are Hillview High’s favourite English teacher and adopt-a-cop – ERIK MCLAIN’s – younger brother, even though you may not look it. Honestly, the only things you two have in common is your LOVE FOR VIDEO GAMES and the fact that you’re both TALL. Actually, you’re also both LAZY and kind of SLOW.

Compared to your BARA & TOUGH brother, you are LANKY, WEAK and kind of ANNOYING. You love MEMES, PUNS and DAD JOKES and doesn’t everyone know it. You never shut up with your shitty sense of humour. Though, in saying that, you’re the LIFE OF THE PARTY and everyone knows there’s going to be a good time if you’re around. Your LAUGH is CONTAGIOUS and it’s easy for you to make others giggle.

However, they say COMEDIANS ARE THE SADDEST, and it’s true in your case. You have DEPRESSION so SEVERE that you CAN’T GET OUT OF BED MOST DAYS and you’re often prone to NOT SHOWERING FOR DAYS or not changing your clothes for up to a week.

Besides that negativity, you LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY and you’re often seen with a CAMERA AROUND YOUR NECK. You love to document yours and your friends’ lives through photographs. You have album upon album of photos piled up in a bookshelf in your room. Thankfully, your friends ARE OKAY with all the PHOTOS YOU TAKE OF THEM. Your love for CAMERAWORK bleeds into your HOBBIEST JOB as you’re a VINER AND YOUTUBER with a pretty decent FOLLOWING.

Even though you can be ANNOYING, you’re very KIND and LEVEL-HEADED. You like making sure everyone around you is doing alright, and it takes a lot to get you angry. Everyone considers you to be the DAD FRIEND™.


Actino is the ‘memer’ of the group and is usually cracking jokes and being generally immature at any chance he can get. He has created many successful memes himself that he is unfortunately pretty proud of, and he sends them to his friends at 4:20am every morning like clockwork as he thinks it's funny. He’s a pretty bad insomniac and has a lot of trouble sleeping, so he has bad eye-bags as a result. His friends like if he doesn’t send them all things that early in the morning because it means he’s actually sleeping, which is a rarity.

Despite being very cheerful, social, and fun-loving – he’s got a very exhausted persona about him and he always sounds and looks like he’s about to fall asleep at any second. He’s also incredibly introverted and can sometimes spend weeks on end locked up in his house with only his online posting showing others that he’s still alive.

His heavy depression and low functioning tendencies are a cause for that. Sometimes he doesn’t shower or leave his room for a long time and Isaiah usually has to visit to undress him and help him shower because he physically can’t bring himself to do it. Both Rem and Kryp often go over to visit to help him clean his room and try to get him to eat something. While they’re his boyfriends, they’re also his carers and he’d probably be incredibly lost without them.

He likely dabs every time he sneezes. He once dabbed so hard he knocked Isaiah over. Rem wasn't impressed. Krypt'n, was. It was one of his greatest achievements and he’s always one to gloat about it. He’s also almost always high when he can be, as smoking weed usually gets his negative emotions to disappear for just a little bit.


Ace is 6'4" in height and has a fairly thin yet broad build, which could allow for muscle if he bothered to train. He unfortunately has no muscle and is more or less lanky skin and bone as he has a terrible diet and often just doesn’t eat at all. His ribs are visible and he has a lot of body hair. His jawline is also strong but at the same time weak due to his low concern for health. His cheeks are hollowed as well because of this, and his limbs are thin due to being underweight. He has very messy, overgrown (and often greasy) brown hair and freckles over his face and limbs, his back and chest also. He also has acne on his face, shoulders, and back.

He’s always cold, and as a result he always wears long pants and long sleeves. He’s usually seen in either black jeans or trackpants, and either his black and pink hoodie or his thick blue and cream plaid one as they’re his favourites. He’s also partial to a long sleeved flannel shirt that he owns. Funnily enough, he doesn’t wear a shirt to bed and instead favours having about fifty blankets. Examples of his fashion sense can be found here.

Likes | Dislikes
His aquarium
Frosted animal crackers
Spicy food
Rainy weather
His depression
The highschool art room
  • Ace is either incredibly cheery or incredibly melancholy. There’s really no inbetween. He’ll be fine for about a month or so, but then he’ll be hit by hard depression for a month after that, then be okay again.
  • He keeps angelfish in his almost four-foot long aquarium - it's the only thing he is able to keep on top of an manage because he knows that if he doesn't take care of them, no-one will. It's the only responsibility he's able to take on.
  • While many might not believe it when he tells them, he does have anger management problems. He’s usually pretty good at dealing with them, but there’s a couple of times when he’s lost his cool. It usually only happens when he’s really, terribly tired and as a result has very little patience.
  • While he’s in a polyamorous relationship and both of his boyfriends are in one that’s very open, he prefers to stay closed. He has full permission to go out and do what he wants with who he wants, but he’d rather just stay with Rem and Kryp. He doesn’t really feel the need to do all that when he’s already with the two people he feels most at home with.
  • Ace has a really weird fear of going to the hairdresser so he cuts his own hair. He’s not very good at it (and it shows) and he always lets it overgrow because he just can’t be bothered to trim it. Not even a little. He’ll flat out refuse to go to a hairdresser and will likely hit someone out of reflex if they tried to drag him to one.
  • He really needs glasses but he only ever wears them around the house or when he’s reading. He also loves reading, but can never seem to muster up the motivation to open up a book and see it through to the end.

❛❛Believe me when I say
There's something I wish I could say
You were always so good to me
Even when it's so hard to be
I sailed myself too far out to sea
On favoured whims that wont sing for me❜❜

(Birds of Tokyo - 'If This Ship Sinks')


Alistair had a pretty average childhood. He was the kind of kid who liked swimming and only owned t-shirts with those 'cool' little graphics on them. Like cats with smoothies or DJ dogs. He didn't really have a purpose in life as far as he was concerned, he was just planning to take each day as it came. Until purpose came for him.

He met Isaiah on a beach when he decided to go out with his tiny surfboard for some practice with his older brother, Erik. He had a milkshake in his hand and sipped out of it as he curiously looked the stranger over. Being shy, he didn't really want to approach. Luckily, Isaiah more or less barged him, excited to find a kid about his age just hanging around, seeing as he'd always wanted a friend. It turned out that Erik had gone to the beach to meet up with his new girlfriend, Mejara (who he’d met before), and Isaiah was her little brother.

Ace was really quiet and kind of shocked by how forward the other was, but he'd already sort of fallen for him in a childish 'he's really cute and funny' kind of way. It wasn't until a couple of years later that he fell in love with him for real, but he was still too nervous to tell him. Instead of straight-up telling him about his crush, he tried to make it obvious in a way that put the message across so he didn't have to directly tell him anything. Little gestures such as forehead kissing, cuddling, and holding his hand became common, but Isaiah was too dense to think anything of it. As the two got older, Rem got more distant, claiming that Alistair's actions were starting to weird him out, saying things like - 'what do you do that for? are you gay or something?'

Since Isaiah claimed he wasn't gay, Ace eventually backed off completely and got somewhat distant. Assuming that they'd never end up together and that Rem hated him for his sexuality began to eventually take it's toll and he became surly and depressed as opposed to his usual cheerful self. Once Isaiah started ignoring him entirely, Ace got pissed. Not at Isaiah, or himself – just because he hated how his infatuation appeared to be driving a massive wedge between them.

It got worse during highschool when Isaiah was pushed to bully Alistair by his very homophobic friend group. He’d be rude and sneer at him, and he’d throw things at him whenever he walked by him or tried to talk to him. He avoided him after that. It didn’t matter how many times Rem tried talking to Ace in private to apologise and to say that he was just trying to look cool in front of his friends – Ace more or less started telling him to straight up fuck off. It got even worse when Isaiah started dating Kiyung, in which Ace starting calling him a hypocritical bastard in which Rem would typically respond with something along the lines of, ‘he looks like a girl, so it’s not technically gay’ (which was the excuse he used to get his friends off of his back, as well.) Despite this, Ace was still friends with Kiyung, even if he was very jealous and bitter about the whole thing.

Not long after all that initial drama, Alistair stayed back after school one day as Erik said he’d shout him Maccas after his shift ended when he got a text from Kiyung. He asked Ace if he could pick up one of his art projects for him as he forgot it and needed to work on it over the weekend. He obliged, as he had to drop off a camera he was using to take pictures for the Media Committee he was in and had to return it to the room for the day. Kill two birds with one stone. When he arrived, he found that the room was still occupied by the art teacher, Mr Balour. Everything happened so quickly, and the short of it was – he didn’t get Kiyung’s painting. Instead, he skipped out on the Maccas and instead walked home trying not to let his fear and tears show. He couldn’t return to school for over a month. He felt so violated and disgusting.

Isaiah became increasingly worried about him over time and eventually visited him of his own accord despite their silence and was devastated when he saw how terrible Alistair was looking. He looked like he hadn’t even eaten once since he saw him last. It was a sad sight. It looked like Erik had been cooking for him and leaving it in his room but he’d hadn’t touched them. They’d been left on the plates they were served on to go mouldy.

He helped him shower, cleaned his room, prepared him a meal, and sat down with him in silence. He didn’t feel that it was a good time to talk, and that his presence with his friend was enough. He didn’t even bother apologising, because he knew it would do no good. They just sat there together for what felt like hours before Ace finally found his voice. The two ended up doing some idle chit chat that ended with Isaiah staying over the entire weekend to make sure he was alright. Then they went to school together again Monday morning for the first time in a long time.

Unfortunately, This didn’t stop Isaiah from trying to ‘impress’ his friends, and Alistair was still in a very terrible, depressive mood – meaning his patience and anger issues were hanging by a very thin, weak thread. Later that afternoon, Rem made a nasty offhand comment in Ace’s general direction to which Ace had enough. He march right up to Isaiah (ignoring the choruses of ‘faggot’ from his friends as he approached), and told him exactly what he thought of him. He yelled that he did love him once and now he couldn’t bear to look at him because of what he had become. He told him that he was an insufferable cunt that didn’t deserve any of the kindness he’d shown him despite how bad he got. He called him every name under the sun and ended it with a hard punch in the gut before he stormed off. Isaiah was in shock. Everything he’d ever done and said to his best friend finally fell on him like a ton of bricks and he started to feel really ill. Despite the protests of his so-called friends, he ran after Alistair and managed to catch him sobbing behind one of the buildings. He broke down too. He couldn’t even explain himself, because there was nothing to say. He was an asshole, and that was that. He couldn’t take it back. What he did do, was kiss Ace. Alistair tried to pull away at first but eventually gave in. By the time they broke away, Isaiah was the one who was sobbing. He apologised over and over again but Ace wasn’t really feeling it. If anything, he felt dizzy and faint. He ended up going to the sick bay and went home early. He had another week-long break from school.

After he was well enough to go outside and visit Isaiah on his own accord, Rem found himself apologising to him over and over for the second time and explaining how he loved Alistair so much but could never come to terms with his feelings due to internalised homophobia, and was afraid to be hurt by his ‘friends’. He later asked Ace if he was interested in joining him and Ki in their relationship, and how the two of them had already discussed this possibly happening in the future. Smiling, Alistair agreed - finally feeling whole again.

ISAIAH AHNER - Boyfriend #1

Ace is head over heels for Iremia and no-one really understands why as Rem isn’t exactly redeemable. Ace loves him anyway and really appreciates how much the other cares about him and helps him through tough times. The two aren’t together as much as one would expect due to Ace constantly isolating himself, but when they are together Alistair is always cuddled right up to him or they’re out surfing together at dawn. They mean the world to each other. They’ve been best friends their whole lives almost, and they’ve had their ups and extreme downs. They’re finally happy now, however.

KIYUNG CHA - Boyfriend #2

Kiyung and Alistair are more close friends than they are boyfriends, but they figured calling each other BFs would be less confusing to people. The two are the worst when they’re together as they both have terrible senses of humour and the two never stop laughing and roasting others together. Ki also cares about Ace a fair bit – more than he usually cares about people – and will always try his best to make sure that the taller is okay and will go as far as to have deep meaningful conversations with him, which is very out of character for the guy. It just shows Ace how much the younger cares. The two are both huge idiots around each other and Ki regularly joins in on Alistair’s dumb antics to piss Iremia off. Ace also buys him really stupid clothes as jokes and Kiyung actually does wear them around the house despite how ugly he finds them to be.

ERIK MCLAIN - Older brother

Erik and Alistair really didn't get along when they were younger. Some may argue it was the seventeen year age gap between them, or the fact that Erik was a bit of an asshole in his youth and didn't like having a baby dropped into the family. All Ace ever wanted was to hang with his 'big bro' but Erik constantly blew him off and tried his hardest to bully him away. Unfortunately for Erik, he was kind of stuck to him like glue and really looked up to him, especially once he started his police training. When Ace was kicked out of home, he went right to Erik and the older brother was quick to go from 'I hate you' to 'I'll protect you' and immediately adopted him into his household and raised him on his own. They're both incredibly close now, and enjoy each others' company.


Meme girl meets meme boy. These two are just as bad as each other and are always annoying everyone with their jokes and quality banter. They usually spend time at each other’s houses having sleepovers and the like as though they’re both silly schoolkids. They always have long conversations about how much Iremia annoys them, or about general things that happen during their week. Actino also tends to vent to her about his job, and she always loves hearing all the salty but juicy gossip.





MELISSA MCLAIN - Sister-in-law