“The pathos and gift of life is that we cannot know which will be our defining heartbreak, or our most victorious joy.” – Alexandra Fuller
depression
suicide mention
Originally created in another world outside the Forest, Phaios woke in unfamiliar woods as a fawn one day with no idea as to why and little memory of her homeland. Her first fawnhood was largely spent in search of missing pieces, with one in particular being of great importance: a connection with another being she could not put a name or face to, but somehow knew she would recognize instantly, should they meet. Many of the adults in her life seemed to pick up on an age beyond her youth, and to the young fawn many of the adults sparked dim recollections and briefly illuminated visions of her past, but it was not until Phaios was thrown into a particularly fierce battle in which she finally recovered the full extent of her memories that she could explain the oddities.
It was Sianna and Ravus who held the key, each an echo of a familiar face from her previous existance - Sianna a lost daughter who turned away into darkness, and Ravus the friend who resorted to extremes to destroy that darkness. As the two warred, Phaios leaped in to Sianna's defense, her mind a haze of past and present. Her reward was a large gash across one shoulder as she was felled, Sianna quick to follow before Ravus went her own way. The wound - and its eventual scar - was another echo of the life she suddenly remembered, and all the pieces began to settle into place at last as the one she had been missing finally made it to her side: Endriaga.
Phaios was once among the many children of a goddess, who was the granddaughter of Anubis. Her kind were created within a safe haven, though the land was not without its struggles. As she grew, Phai gained respect and status among her kind. Endriaga, a small dragon-like creature, was given to her as a gift by her creator. The two were instantly bonded - both mentally and physically - and became inseparable; a red and silver metal bangle on Phai's right foreleg marked their bond. The arrangement took some getting used to, but as they learned together, they became a team and, in many ways, two halves of one being. She earned many names in her lifetime, however her greatest achievements, in her mind, were the earning of her wings and title, Serene Remembrance, granted by her creator, as well as the ranking "Hondo" - a title of guardianship and authority among her species which also afforded a greater honing of her natural abilities. She took this honor very seriously, and the mindset it gave her remained with her into her time in the Forest. Her home fell into war and a great many other trials, and after a series of traumatizing events the once vibrant Phaios gradually faded into the background and became a recluse, unable to rejoin society because of the mental scars she had been left with.
Over time, the land itself began to fade and die. For years Phaios wandered with only Endriaga at her side until she, too, faded from existence. One night her eyes closed to rest, and when she woke in the morning she had been transformed into a fawn in a strange, yet vaguely familiar wood. Why she and Endriaga had been sent to the Endless Forest was always unclear to her, but in her time in the Forest she found many new lessons to be learned. Many of her days passed happily, but as in her first life in her home world, trials and conflicts within the Forest gradually became increasingly difficult for Phaios to bear.
She took many under her wing, and although few were openly claimed as family, most were considered her own in the privacy of her mind. Among them were Aria and Oria, sisters. One rainy day, Phaios stumbled upon a tiny fawn struggling for life in the cold and wet. After a long, hard walk she managed to get the little one to safety and there gave her the name 'Aria.' Oria appeared some weeks after. A great number of hardships followed the little family - Aria in particular - and her first grandchildren came about. After things finally settled some, a more reliable father figure and more grandchildren followed.
Around the same time, Phaios found herself wrapped in a second family - the 'quillbacks'. In the beginning she was readily accepted by the head of household, Thane, though things changed as time went on. She became particularly close to Thane's partner, Prussia, and to their fawns Miriam and Morioch. Watching the quilled family's struggles and abuses was a constant source of heartache for the doe. Many more quill-backed children followed the twins' creation, and each was also taken in to some extent when they were abandoned by their creator.
With so many problems and losses both real and perceived, the doe's mental health hit a steady decline that she tried her best to keep under wraps. Some of her extended adopted family kept her afloat for quite some time, the more notable being Pica and Rossamund, but ultimately the stress became too much. After a final straw fell upon her back, she found herself unable to cope with her pain any longer and gave in to a last resort she had mused over off and on for some months: suicide. After ingesting a large quantity of poppy flowers and pods, the doe fell asleep with Endriaga beside her and did not wake again.
Death, however, was not much kinder. Although her species was meant to be reborn after death, Phaios could not bear the thought of moving on to another world - let alone returning to the Forest - yet she also found herself unable to rest peacefully. Trapped, she hung in a void with only Endriaga and her thoughts as depression slowly turned to madness.
A year after her death, Anubis appeared to her and she was given an ultimatum. She could no longer linger between worlds and disturb life's balance; he would not allow it. When Phaios refused to move forward or relinquish her soul to eternal rest, the god of the afterlife entered the Forest to seek someone who could persuade her to be moved without brute force. There he chose Pica, Rossamund, Eve, Isobel, and Aria to gather up any and every reason that they could find for Phaios to return before confronting the lost doe herself. For a long time, it seemed the five had failed, but one day a fawn and her dragon appeared in the Forest once again.
