I am taking a break and pulling away from th and pretty much all online contact I have with people on here. The constant drama that is flaring up all around me is proving to be way too much for me, this site is no longer fun, and it is starting to serious tole on my mental and emotional well being.

I am fighting with my own demons, and it's getting harder and harder to struggle against them. I have to step away before I snap and go back to square one and ruin everything I have worked on up to this point. I don't want to worry people, but I'm not going to hide what I am feeling anymore. I am so. fucking. tired.....

If you Seriously need me drop me a note on th. I will still be using the site to upload art and work on characters but that's it, so I will eventually see it.

I wish everyone the best of wishes, I really do. Don't worry about me. I just need to get away from all of this before it's the death of me, literally.

Im alive! I swear it!

My internet at home was turned off and it has been for a few days. I just paid a 300 dollar bill to get it turned on and the account is now under my name and care. Im not trusting my mother with it anymore.

It will be back on in about 2 days from me posting this. Thats when they are coming out here to flip the switch thing. 

Im sorry i gave no warning for this. I had no idea it was going to happen and honestly i am really pissed off about it all. But thats for another day.

So yea. Im alive and kicking, 300 short but alive.

Anyone else having issues with it right now?

I can never tell if it's the app or my laptop being trash

because honestly it's an escape. I have come to the realization that I buy so much of this shit, that honestly has no physical value, and that many in my real life won't and can't see. Because I  dive into my characters and their lives more than my own. It's why I started rping in the first place honestly... like 4,5 years ago. 

Many people here would agree that rp, in general, is an escape. Is it healthy? that's up for debate. Because while you make friends and meet new people you are also turning away from the problems in your life and not facing any of it head on. Sometimes it can be used for coping though, which I do and understand all too well. I have my share of a fucked up past that I would rather not go into. I have been used, abused, and seen shit at an age that no child should. I was forced to face reality sooner than most others around me.

I think that's why I spend so much on my characters. Why I just, have so fucking many. Because I am fucking hiding from my own life and what's around me. I am hiding from my problems, what needs to be done, my issues. 

When I first started using this site I remember posting in the vent board about being depressed for a long fucking time. I was at a loss with myself and I started getting involved with the community if you can call 20 something followers 'involved' lmao it started to go away when i joined discord servers and started talking to people again. 

for a long while I thought I was over my depression. Now that it is creeping back up my throat, choking me and making itself more known than ever... I have noticed that I am pulling away from those around me and the server I love. I'm not talking as much anymore, more introverted and just silent. I don't know if it ever went away. Or if I am just that fucking good at faking it that I fooled myself by diving into my characters and their stories.

This isn't getting put up to gain pity. Keep your pity, honestly. I am more admitting this to myself than anyone else here so I can finally face an issue by placing it right in my face.

 

Well, I love this boy. Like I really friggin love him but I don't think I am clicking with him like I used to. Which in all honesty really sucks because he is a splendid design

I am going to look at offers for Albain

he has 2 extra pieces of art as well that I just haven't uploaded cause I'm lazy. So yea

Don't lowball me please. He comes with a fair amount of art so I would like for something of similar value. I will be very picky about what I choose so please don't get offended either.

if I don't find anything I like I might just turn him into a sona of some kind. 

yep, selling some babs. And trading ones I can't sell

here's my thread

https://toyhou.se/~forums/thread/36581.designs-for-sale-20-and-under-/1

I honestly feel bad not using these designs like I wanted. I am hoping they will go to loving owners 

Do my followers like my watermark? or think it is way too intrusive and in the way of the art?

I ask because I will probably get a new one soon either one made or I will just make a new one myself

don't be afraid of being too harsh as well! if you really think the watermark is in the way just say it. I want people to enjoy the characters!

But i am keeping a watermark, no matter what. So just saying you don't want one at all won't do anything.

Dream designs and the like. I will be frank in saying that I don't see very much worth in my characters design wise honestly. They are pretty, don't get me wrong.

but aside from Joker none really jump out as overly desirable that other's would stalk and watch. 

friggin @Delph tagged me in this, she's a poopy but I love her

 

What kind of phone do you have?
it's an android... i don't know what kind as it was a gift from my grandmother

How long have you had it?
oh two years maybe? a bit longer

Last person you called:
work? so Robert, my Manager 

Last person to call you:
Grandma... I didn't answer 

Last person you texted/messaged:
my fran

Last app you used:
i only ever use discord on the thing honestly

Last app you installed:
*squints* i have.... no idea

What network are you on?
 AT&T

Do you have a phone case? What of, if you do? Does you have a screen protector?

it's just a plain pink one that came with the phone. Trust me when i say you aren't missing much.

 Also no on the screen protector. I should prolly get one but meh.

What is your current background?

my baby Joel!

What is your lockscreen background? Do you have security on your phone?

Mr. Nagito! and you can probably guess by the droplet things that i do have security 

also my phone is on airplane mode to save the battery while at work. Just haven't taken it off.

Any special ringtones?
naahhh

Do you have a special notifications tone?
nada

What mobile messenger do you prefer?
Discord and Skype because of my mom. 

Any phone accessories?
nope! i technically do, but i put them on my keys because my keys are more important

Tag someone!
OH BOY

Decim melliex solarbee Ikayuro

do the thing guys

 

I'm honestly curious how others would describe me. Like, do i come off bitchy or needy? a little dull?

I'm all of those lmao

don't be afraid to be blunt in this either honestly. But if you are going to sit and name a bunch of negative things try to give me ways to improve so i can get better

Otherwise you just look like an ass.