A lot of things happened this 2019 I must say. But there is a new year just in front of me. A year to keep fighting.
I'll be returning so soon, working as an illustrator as before, but now my responsability is to contact with all the amazing people who decided to wait for this exactly moment and see to finish all the work that I still owe them; that's my priority. When I get all finish, I'll work in new examples, such as a renovated price sheet and some new things more.
I promise there's a big improvement about my own work even if I had lack of time and energies to draw more often. I hope you'll see soon and feel so excited as I feel with all preparations.
Thank you to you all for all the patience, for your kindness. I'm still speechless.
I wish you had a good Christmas and New Year as well -even delayed from my part!- and please take care of yourself.
Hallo, Norbert here again,
First of all I wanted to let you know how important was for me to see your support when I opened my own situation at you guys. I didn't expected so many messages wishing me the best, and that you'll have patience. That helped me to be less anxious, more that I am able to show right now.
Well I wanted to bring you some tiny news about what I am doing and what I will do; please if you want to know better what happened, I consider to read the last bulleting I've made here: https://toyhou.se/~bulletins/95630.please-read-news-my-personal-status-everything
And so on, news:
- First of all, yes, I am in Holland working in a logistic center. Just picking items and doing heavy works. Yes I know this isn't great having in consideration I am still recovering from surgery but I can't do more if I am not able to draw to get funds for living. Not a great job, to be honest, and I have no schedule at all. They are calling me even one or two hours before to go and work. I don't like that detail but, well here we are.
- I am not better about my mood, but at least I am fighting everyday to just improve my situation or at least resist.
- I will try to start to upload some stuff here in TH. I wasn't able to draw again, but at least I can submit drawings that friends done to me, and start to write again. I don't want to get TH alone when is the media site that I like most and almost therapeutic for me because I have the opportunity to bring some time to my own stuff. So, that's all I think.
If you want a refund for the work I still owe you, if you want to just contact with me for whatever even for information or a good chat, or whatever, please send to me a comment o a message. I will gladly attend you.
Kind regards, I hope you'll have a really nice week.
Time to be totally honest with you,
Well, this is more hard to me that you can imagine, since I am not that kind of person who likes to tell about his personal life; better the opposite. And more if it means something is going wrong. And in this case, so wrong.
From before my surgery and tests, I know sometimes I felt like depression was appearing again (Actually had acute depression not really long ago before). But I must admit this time I had the feeling like that was something too… acute, or big like before. And maybe that was an error, like the seed was just growing, and growing. And probably the eternally bad situation financially talking, the uncomfortable living and more factors affected me even more to just pile up and culminate in this.
My last surgery in April 1 was totally a mess; the surgery itself, and the recovery. They did a mess on me, and I still feel pain, plus some horrible scars and I don’t feel all my skin around too and I probably will not anymore. I was trying to ignore it, and not talk about it, to make my problems small or nonexistent. But It seems that I can’t do this anymore.
That, plus I was working for the last years in a really non sane way. I remember last year I did around +200 drawings -all different kinds of drawings, not just one type- for customers, and nothing compared to it I think in years from before. Maybe just saying a number is not relevant, but it is to me at least, when I had to work all my days, my afternoons, and a lot of nights because I really wanted to survive in this country and make my customers happy doing my work as best as I could because I didn’t want to just release some shoddy work. It’s good to work, and I’m not implying that I do not want to, but it is not good when you work to the point of fatigue, or when you work to the extent in which you no longer can live properly, because that’s how I was, and how I am now. Since I am in this country this is the only thing I know how to do; work, and I know I have my own heavy reasons for it. I have not had an easy story but that’s no longer an excuse to continue being like this, because I can’t; and I need to admit it for you, and for me.
I am passing months without any will for drawings. I get really anxious when I have to because I just think about how my customers are feeling or thinking about me because I am not finishing their art in time, and that makes me feel devastated. My first ever time failing in my own work.
I understand my customers want their artwork, but I can’t continue taking a lot of time for just one little piece and feel anxious with it the entire time. I feel poorly about myself, exhausted, and then when I do finish the piece I feel like I am a mess and that is not good enough. That’s not what I want.
I am not sure if I really fell into depression, if I am close to doing so, or whatever. Yet Ido know that I am not well. I am far from fine right now, I feel so poorly, and I can’t handle it anymore.
I accepted my only possibility to work; in this case just a temporary job in a logistic company, in Holland. Tomorrow is my travel to go there to share room with who-knows, and maybe for nothing and to try to find a new job before the month ends. I don’t know what would happen, but I needed to find a way to improve this situation, and to be able to do things that I need. I won’t have internet in my laptop, just in my phone too as well because no wifi in the old house. I will be going to the middle of nowhere, and I will be without funds. I already don’t really know how I’m going to be able to make it through this in one piece.
In this regard, I am really embarrassed to tell all of you this. To be at the point where the only news I tell you is just bad news.That the only time you hear from me, is when I am struggling and need help, but I was thinking for all of June and I just can’t handle this situation and I feel like this is the correct way to act. To explain to you truthfully, not just; ‘I am recovering’, ‘I am not too bad now’, ‘I will try to make things improve’ but not saying clear that I am really feeling poorly, to the point where I feel sometimes anxious and shaking every time I need to draw now, and in part because the pain in my not-well-treated back.
If you want to understand, as a person, as a customer, as my friend, as any kind of; I will be grateful. If not, you are in all your right because nobody deserves to stay waiting for so long, for a stranger. And you are not wrong if your priority is your money or the artwork you asked for.
I will be honest; I got the trip just because thanks to a really close friend to me who was being an angel to be since I got my surgery; helping me financially too when I wasn’t able to even work for any of the reasons I’ve told to you. I can tell you that if you want your art, you will get it soon as I get better. If not and you want a refund, actually I did it for a customer some days ago, but now I don’t have funds to send back, or even for me to pay my room now even if this is making me feel so ashamed.
No more emergency commissions this time. No more anything. I just, can't.
I promise you, and you have my word that if I keep this new job and you want your refund, you will get it; I don’t know when, but that you will get it, you will. I am not hiding from anybody of you, and for that you can find me here, on Twitter, on Deviantart… Even in Discord, Telegram and so on. I am doing this situation public to not to make you feel I was just putting excuses by private messages here. This is what I can offer, and I am so sorry to not to be able to do more anyway right now, but if you want your refund I will do a list here, a public one to let people see that I will keep my word and I am not saying different things in a private way to any one of you. It’s the same for everybody.
Now that I have said this, I thank you if you are reading this, and I am so sorry if you got even more disgusted with me. I don’t like this situation, but I am exhausted and worried about this, and more about what will happen tomorrow and next days.
Take care and I hope you are having a really good day.
-Norbert / Corvus / FrossetHjerte
P.S; Thank you so much, Louis. I would never had enough strenght to write this if you were not on my side like you do. You are such a great friend.
Hallo there, folk! I'm kinda alright about my surgery I mean, but I have to admit I am having such many times these last days. I guess it's kinda uncomfortable to have to stay be quiet for long. In any case, I don't forget my work to do and the commissions I owe; I still have delayed work from the time I have to go travel for my health issues but, I'm always here, working, and trying my best even if my back and legs especially ache. However I want to be honest with you and, I am not feeling alright about my stress also. I know I have for the first time in my life a lot of artwork -at least to me is a lot- that I owe, and that affects me because my customer is the priority. But I have to be honest and, stress and body pain are making things difficult because I can't even sleep alright thinking on this, and I just wanted to be honest with you and with myself.
Having said that! please take care if you are reading this, and I hope you are having a really nice day because you deserve it.
(SouOrtiz here, I'm just helping Norbert with his news, sorry for my english! )
Hello again everyone! As you know I needed an important surgery for my back, so, the last wendesday I was called to have it . The sunday I travelled to the islands to have the urgency surgery.
The process took 5h , since I entered to the surgery room at 11am and it finalished around 18:00h more or less. The surgery had a few minor complications, but I'm fine after all. Today (03/April) I had complications and had to go back to the hospital because a drain was removed while I slept .
I will need a month to be recovered from this, and maybe I'll be disabled until then, but I'll do my best to get better soon.
As soon as possible, I'll return to the comissions, but from my condition, they would be on hold from now. I hope all of you understand! Thank you so much for your time, also, here's a photo as evidence.
[04.18] Hey Norbert here! I'm finally at home. I must say my trip was too horrible with tons of delays and everything and they got us to a different airport in the other corner of the country so was really crazy wtf. But after the big effort, I'm here!
Just wanted to tell you that I'm good and slowly recovering -with tons of back aches haha!-, and even if maybe it's not really right to me I'm working again! So I would be soon sending to all my customers sketches or such as finished works as well!
Also, I want to be active here again, posting drawings that my friends did to me, or old works of mine so! I promise I will be online more constantly now!
Thank you so much again for your understanding, for the best wishes and your help, I have no words to express how grateful I am right now!
Do you know when... you say something like ''it cannot be worse, I passed through a lot of things already''?
Do you remember when I told some of you that my tablet was really dying?
Hallo, my tablet is OFFICIALLY dead. I cannot even do 4 lines without a fail and it's like I have to hit the surface to make it works. My hand is hurting a lot
Can you believe?? and I have still delayed work to finish, and I just already paid my rent and bills so of course, it's not an option to me to buy a new digital tablet so soon you know.
If somebody wants a commission, I am in need of some funds for this.
HELP. ANGST AAAAANNNNST
Anyway, I will be trying to finish work but I don't want to hurt my entire arm even more and do a low quality for you guys. But I promise I will do my best.
Hallo there! Luckily I got totally fine some week ago about my pneumonia, and I started to try to get finished soon as possible delayed work! Thank you SO much for all the understanding I received as a worker! I will do my best to be on time soon. :)
To be fast, I have the luck in my but LMAO. I just returned the 3 February from the trip, and I started to be really, really bad here in my room. I got 39,2º fever and even more and we had to call the ambulance just because fever wasn't lowering at all. When I arrived the hospital -the public sanity from here is a mess; the guys from the ambulance treated me like nothing, didn't ask if I was feeling alright or not, or let me be lying. I was sitting all the way wanting to die because of #MyBodyIsInPain. Being in the hospital at night and after a long wait, the doctor was laughing 24/7 and didn't listen to me as well. I told him 3 times how much was my fever, and he asked me ''Don't you know how many fevers you had, right?''. I told him 2 times I was taking the right pills, and he told me ''Ah weren't you taking medicines for this, right?'' and like this with my pains and all. I was feeling the situation like a joke, and he told me ''ahhh you just have flu so all your pains and whatever are normal yes, that's called myalgia and is normal with the flu'' and me like ''But sir-- not all my body is hurting. Just---'' ''Myalgia I said, yes''.
Well, to be clear; some days after without improvement, I have to go to my own doctor and they told me I have viral pneumonia. You can imagine my face right now then.
Well, guys, I am so sorry, it seems for the last months I have always something to tell being slow on my works and I feel horrible about it. But I admit I don't understand what is happening with the bad luck this time. First a horrible trip for nothing that I wasn't able to afford, and now viral pneumonia. Jeez.
A big hug for you all, my friends and customers. I will do my best to be fully here as soon as possible.
Hi all; I would like first of all, to thank you for your great patience given the slowness that I carry with the commissions when being out of my house and uncomfortable.
I come to give you news; my stay on the other side of the country is not being pleasant, and the hot weather even less. I have decided that I must return home, for now, I have the trip planned for February 3. I still don't have news of when could be the surgery (since they made me come for an anesthesia test that they COULD have done to me in my own city, but anyway). I know it has been a big economic expense, and practically in vain. But I will be positive and hope that in a few months, but days or weeks, they can call me.
Thank you very much again, I hope you have had a good holiday!
Hey my dears, I am so sorry by my slowness and all. Even if my tablet isn't working really good, last week I got notices about one surgery I was waiting for years, for my back. Now is so late, and I will be traveling the 15th so soon, so please my apologies for my slowness doing commissions; I do not forget anything about, just I am trying to handle and prepare all things for the anesthesia test the 17th and wait in another city for my surgery. I hope I will get here again explaining better the situation!
Have a really nice day