Write a novel in 4 weeks, obsess over it for years
Mood: Introspective
So, this is long overdue (I meant to write this on the 1 year anniversary), but thank you all for coming along on the Offshore ride. (Even though you didn't sign up for it and I basically dragged you along. A surprise trip on the high seas, if you will.)
As of now, it has been 1.3 years since Offshore began to emerge into the world, eight and a half months since I finished publishing it.
I really thought I'd have lost interest in it by now.
Why does it have such a unique hold on me? I ask myself this all the time. And I have surmised that the most important factor, setting it apart from everything else I've made, is that I finished making the entire story before I fully realised I would come to love it this much. At the time when I finished writing Offshore, the characters didn't even have stable designs yet!
I suppose there's something to be said of how, when you stick the landing on a project, it can become ineffably precious to you, in the same way as any other tale you've fallen in love with (like a favourite movie or book). But even more intensely so, because you know the world and characters intimately.
And, you can design the characters to appeal perfectly to your taste. (If you're subscribed to my image posts, you almost certainly know who I'm talking about.)
Aside from that, the nautical leanings, the resonance with my life, and the way it was (by design) therapeutic to write—the way it renewed my view of my life and the world—have cemented it as one of my most beloved projects, perhaps for all time.
Even more astonishing, however, has been finding out that others love them, too, and actually like seeing all the art. These characters, more than just designs and personalities that tickle my fancy, are my pride and joy and grief, coalescing from all that is grand and heartbreaking in my own life. When people like them, it kinda feels like they like a part of me, too.
To be honest, I'm always grappling with a little bit of guilt whenever I make and post multiple Offshore art pieces in a day. But really, the art spam is indicative of a positive shift in my relationship with my OC interests. I used to nurse a lot of shame about my creative work. Not too many years ago, as recently as Revolving Door, I would deliberately draw my faves less, and avoid uploading even a single art piece of my main ships, because I was afraid people would make fun of me for the intensity of my enjoyment, afraid someone would take issue with my biases, afraid people would make assumptions about me based on my preferences, afraid, afraid, afraid.
It is cathartic and dizzying to realise that shame has started to thaw away. That I'm simply okay with others knowing that I draw my faves every day. Offshore is a story about imperfection and recovery, and somehow it has also led to me working through some of my own fears. (It's not all gone though...that's why I sound a little apologetic here, haha.)
I love designing intriguing worlds and orchestrating plots that keep readers guessing. I love plying the endless depths of internal conflict. I love storytelling, and think I'm good at it - that's a thought that I've kept close to my chest for years. There's an immense joy in seeing that others care, in whatever way they may, about this project and its characters and their heart-rendingly indulgent romance and their casual angst and the world I've spun around them.
So, again, thank you for coming along! Even if your only engagement with Offshore has been to hit delete on my art spams every other day. Thank you to those who've read it, whether I'm aware of it or not. Thank you to everyone who's drawn my beloveds, you have no idea how often I gaze at the art and smile.
By the way, I hope you're ready for more art, because I'm not stopping now, ha ha. Recently 123penguin64 gave me the idea of making it so I have an entire TH art page of ONLY art containing Anqien, and I cannot get that concept out of my head.
