Please review my writing!

I'm reading Misfortune right now and I really like it! I don't know anything about these characters but you quickly established what each relationship dynamic was like and I know a lot about Peri from the way he talks to others- your characterization is excellent!! I'm really interested, and especially loved the scene with him and Rowen! 

I think the first chapter could've used more variation in sentence structure; every now and then you used the same length sentence a couple times over and the paragraphs didn't seem to flow as well, I guess? It isn't a huge issue and the actual content is great! I just got a little stuck, especially near the end of the chapter where I think you used a sentence split with a comma three times in a row and it felt repetitive. 

Another thing I noticed was in the scene with Levi, you really got the sense of chaos across well, and I loved the dialogue in the scene. Maybe consider changing the tense with some of the action as well- instead of "He laughed and rubbed the back of his head", maybe "He laughed, rubbing the back of his head"? I don't know how easy it is to switch tense, but something to consider!

I'm excited to read the others- I'm a huge fan of the characters already! Do they have a visual reference?

4kcuo

Thank you so so much for the review! You have no idea how happy I am!

Thank you for all the kind words~ It really helps boost my confidence ;-;

The scene between Peri & Rowen is one of my favorite exchanges (& the one with Levi too!)

If you want some trivia about my ocs, I made a ref sheet that might help: (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19757149/chapters/46765744) there’re facts & relationship explanations, in case anything is confusing (I tend to write with the mindset that people already know my ocs well. I should really change that habit...)

You hit the mark with the first chapter tbh. I dread writing because the first chapter/scene always gives me a lot of trouble. Most times it just feels flat & uninteresting. As if it’s just a filler to get to the main events?

Thank you for the tip! I’m going to go back & edit the first chapter. Hopefully I’ll be able to improve it. I think you noticed too that I have some run-on sentences? >< I sometimes get stuck with trying to create some diversity, so I end up repeating structures a lot...

Thanks for saying that about the scene with Levi! I think I’m especially happy with that one~ I’ll definitely consider it!!

Wow, I can’t believe someone is looking forward to updates! ;-; this is surreal... 

I actually do have some visual refs for my ocs here on toyhouse! I haven’t gotten around to uploading my own artwork, but there are ones made using picrew. (I love that website!) I guess it can help readers get a feel of each oc’s appearance.

i genuinely enjoyed reading it & i'm looking at some of your other work already!! it sucks that AO3 doesn't have very many users who read original fiction, but hopefully you'll get some more attention soon bc it really is quite well done.

the key was definitely helpful, but also left me with more questions about their backstory & setting :'0 i'm excited to see where you went with the worldbuilding, i love the dragon & spirit aspects so much!

picrew is so good... i'll check em out so i have a better idea of appearances! even with written description i always struggle with remembering unless i have a visual tbh. 

definitely ping me when you update, i'm excited to read more! (but in the meantime i gotta catch up with your older works)

4kcuo

Thanks for saying that! 

It really does suck, but I suppose I'm not super annoyed by it? I wish more people would read & leave feedback, but I'm just happy I have a place to share my work. 

Feel free to ask any questions you have :)  It'll take my ages to write out the entire story, so for now I'm just working on short parts (mainly to indulge myself & a close friend of mine.)

Yeah, I love making oc avatars on there! The quality's really good with most avatar makers. I also prefer visuals, which is why I'm always trying to find websites where I can make my ocs XD (I'm also too lazy to draw them myself...)

Ahh sure! I'll be updating the last 2 chapters of "misfortune" tonight. Then, I'm going to start with a new work about meeting Levi.
I hope you like my older stories too :) They're not as lighthearted as "misfortune" & prolly need a lot more improvement tbh...