(Solaestial finally a reunion! I spoilered it for length)
Surely the amount of time he spent thinking about Caelestis was inappropriate, even abnormal. When he wasn't focused on his work, a task that put him in much too dark of a mood to be thinking of anything else, the other's face appeared in his mind at all hours of the day. During breakfast, the walk to the dungeons, while gathering herbs—wasn't this fixation getting worrisome? Worse still, he had caught himself struggling to pay attention to Lord Aravir's words, far too busy wondering what Caelestis was doing at the moment to give his ruler, the only one who should matter, the proper respect he deserved.
…And the scariest part was that he couldn't even bring himself to feel all that guilty about it.
As someone who had concentrated all his love and loyalty on one person only, to have his focus shifted so easily was disconcerting at the very least and it left him in a state of ambivalence. Caelestis gave him his affection so freely, as if it was something he deserved and not a privilege. Next to it, the scraps of attention his master spared him were starting to feel more intentional, their timing and execution too calculated to be genuine. Perhaps things had always been this way and he had simply lacked anything to compare them to.
But right now he didn't dare question all this, putting it out of his mind so he didn't have to deal with the hurt he would feel, should his suspicions be confirmed. Caelestis was the source of these distracting thoughts, so Caelestis was the only one who could ease them.
Striding up to his lover, the elf wasted no time in making his predicament known. "You're too charming," he greeted him bluntly, his almost confrontational tone softened by the way he moved to touch the other's cheek. "And I can't even blame you for it, because the way you make me feel is all on me. You didn't do anything besides be yourself." No, this already wasn't how he thought this was going to go. But how could he express what he meant? "What I actually wanted to say is… Perhaps you have felt the way I do about you about someone else before. Someone who made your heart beat faster just by thinking about them, who seemed to consume your every thought." With a sigh, he moved closer, tilting his head down until their foreheads touched. "In that case, please tell me," he continued, his voice now a pleading murmur. "How do I deal with this?"
(wdym rusty, that was great!! Hopefully I'll get around to replying)
For a moment, just a brief, foolish moment, the elf felt understood by Quill, seen in a way he never had before. It was a strange sensation, both uncomfortable and deeply comforting, ambivalent in a way that made him unsure how to react. His frozen body didn’t match his thoughts, running wild as they were. Fight or Flight? Acceptance or Denial?
Of course, as with all things, the moment got broken far too soon and the executioner was released from the spell. Too weak? No. If he were weak, he would never have been able to make it this far. And anyway, didn’t the dead deserve his sympathy? “Are you done yet?” His eyes were narrowed. “I certainly have no need for your respect, my master’s opinion is the only one that matters. Step aside, if you don’t want to eat your accusations of weakness.”
Maybe in another world, the two bitter men would have been able to comfort each other, but right now, the executioner would rather deal with more nightmares than stay in his presence.