Say something nice about the above person's lit!

Posted 8 months, 5 days ago (Edited 4 months, 23 days ago) by hedgemaze

I've wavered about making this thread for a while because I'm not sure if it's too close to other games, but there can never be too many opportunities to say nice things about other people's work, I think! :')

In this game, you'll post a link to a literature you've written here on Toyhouse that you're proud of, and the person below will tell you what they like about it! In turn, you'll tell the person who posted above you what you like about theirs.

11/29: The rules have been updated to try to prevent the thread from getting stuck so often!

Rules:

  • I don't want to impose a specific word limit, but try to pick literatures that aren't too overwhelmingly long to read: if you have a whole novel here on Toyhouse, just link a chapter! If the person below loves it, they can read the rest in their own time, but they're not obligated to for this game.
  • Please write at least a few sentences for the person above you, and write something of substance! You don't have to write a dissertation on the piece, but write the kind of response that you'd love to receive! What about the piece did you like?
  •   UPDATE: You can post content-warned or mature-rated literatures, but you must mark that they are, and if at all possible, PLEASE LINK an all-ages lit as an alternate option in your post, to prevent the thread from becoming stuck if minors want to participate (or if people might just be uncomfortable with the subject matter). It's also OK to post alternate options for any reason! If you'd really prefer your first lit to be reviewed, it's fine to say that and even post a time limit if you want; For example: "I'd really love feedback on Lit A, but if a day passes, Lit B is fine as well!"
  •   UPDATE: Let at least two people go before posting again. If you post in this thread often, try to vary the lit you post! If the thread gets stuck for a week or more, it's fine to post again even if only one person has gone since your last post.
  •   UPDATE: All lit posted in this thread should be hosted on Toyhouse, via the literature feature! This is for a few reasons, but if you disagree with this policy, send me a message with your reasoning. I'm open to reconsidering this!
  •   UPDATE: Claim first so you have time to read the person's lit and craft your response, and tag the person you're responding to when you claim, to make sure they see it!
  • Be nice!  
Other literature games I highly recommend:
The first person to post can just link one of their lits and receive a free response. Have fun!

All my forum games and threads

celestiials

Aaaa this seems like a nice idea!

Here’s one of my short stories, Pethame Crisis, to kick off the thread! There’s mentions of violence and injury but it’s nothing graphic as far as I know?

For some reason I don’t like seeing excerpts of my own work being quoted so if possible, can that be avoided? I know this seems a bit weird so feel free to disregard that.


Aaaa, thank you so much!! ;_; I’m really glad to hear that!

cati

claimed this at like 1 am and i had school in the morning so sorry junebuggy !

but , even for an unfinished story i enjoyed the information and built up concerning your characters ... i get going into the murky BIG SPOILER area, but it's always fun to write what happens and focus on the introspection of things. i do love the interaction between keagan and eisla, them being snip-snappy at each other in the beginning especially. your reflection of keagon's thoughts and feelings and the passion you put into the characters shows well, it was a good read c:


i'd like some feedback on moonstruck ..! 2nd person perspective, and for context, suki-chan is natsuki, madoka's boyfriend.

ahhh your words are so sweet <333 thank you sm!!!!

This post has been removed.
classicturtle

cati

Your piece has such emotion tied into it... it's really amazing.  You made the 2nd person perspective work so well!  The way you described exactly how these emotions felt to Madoka, how this moment was so utterly consuming, I know I read along with a heavy, emotional heart.  The writing was fantastic, every word picked out seemingly with purpose and the language fanciful and flourishing.  I'm compelled to go and look at other things you've written :>


I only have one writing piece up on toyhouse so far!!  It's a little old, but here's Adrenaline Rush?   Just a warning for some abusive/violent themes! ;0;

hedgemaze

classicturtle 

I really loved this piece! Everything about it is so visceral and kinetic; I can feel Evets' terror and how frantic he is to find safety and to bargain with his tormentor. You have some really vivid imagery; I think my favorite line is "the only sound was his own panicked heart trying to keep him alive" because of course it's factually true-- that's what hearts do-- but it's a really unique way to phrase that his heart is pounding, and the active phrasing adds so much intensity to the moment.

I also really like how you spent half of the story referring to them as predator and prey before delving in to their actually quite intimate relationship. It's a complicated relationship and you do a great job portraying that here. Evets knows invoking those emotions is his secret weapon here to save his life, but it pains him to say it and in the end he even (horribly) agrees with Ray that death would be better than continuing this cycle. It's tragic and sad, but I can feel how conflicted they both are, and there's something very affecting about that, being locked into this dangerous conflict of murderous hate and tender care, and it makes me wonder what will happen next.


How about this one? It's very short: Octopus

bulgariansumo

hedgemaze

This is really sweet and I love the way it's written! You do a good job keeping the first part vague on whether or not it's actually happening or metaphorical. Steve's internal monologue is fun to read through, and he and Jill have a nice back and forth. You get the feeling that these two know each other so well that they don't always have to speak to know what the other means. All in all, good stuff!


Let me see if I can find one of my shorter ones.... Here we go! Konnos and Cats

colorful

bulgariansumo

This one made me feel like when I was in primary school again with all the nostalgia I feel? This is too cute to even resist and I really feel like I was Toni, especially how me from primary school could relate since I suck at my native language subject too. Maxy felt like something my cousins would do, so reading this story felt like time travelling back to my days as a kid. This had me in laughter while having my heart melted because kids could be so hilarious, until you remember you were one. Well, this is some good stuff! I hope you'd write about them recalling these memories soon HAHA


Here's the only literature I submitted and it's relatively short: Cornelius and a Shocking Surprise Party! Please note that there is heavy violence present!

Mochagatari

@wanco-alien

WHOO THAT WAS A DARK ONE. But I love horror stories, so lucky for me, I guess? XD Anyway, pretty good tale! You could really feel the tension and horror Cornelius felt at looking at his parents...be like that. I was pretty taken aback myself! I like how detailed you were in both describing Cornelius's racing thoughts and the state of his dead parents, without getting too overly verbose about it either and ruining the mood. And I don’t mind it being short--sometimes short is all you need!

--

This is also the only literature piece I have on here so far, and it was more of practice at describing things, but here it is anyway: First Day On the Job

darkrai

Mochagatari 

DAMN i.. really love this?? your writing has such a distinct tone that really gets me into the setting of these characters, and i love it! you have such a nice flow within this piece, and it made it a blast for this to read! aside from that, im such a fond of the descriptive terms you use to describe the settings-- the hallways being coated in a cold, cyan light, accentuated by the glowing electronic lines streaking across the hallways has such a nice image to it! i can really feel where these characters are, and i'm really a fan! it's always great for immersion when you have a Clear image in your mind about where the events of stories are taking place!

i also adore how you write dialogue- it's so pleasant, and each character really has a clear and striking voice, and it gives me good insight into their personality! well done, i'm really a fan of this piece!!

--

here's one of my newer pieces that i'm actually proud of! all good things.. i was experimentying around with some stylistic choices, let me know what yall Thaank :^D a good warning, there is character death- it is filtered! and the violence isnt that Visceral or Gut-wrenching since i dont really write like that, but someone Is stabbed! be warned!

RedWinderbelt

Oh my gosh, I absolutely adore how you wrote those last few paragraphs. I felts like I could feel the emotions of Ceaser. The way he watched the life drain from his friend gave me goosebumps and over all it would be something I wouldn’t mind reading over and over.


————————————

https://toyhou.se/~literature/7625.work-in-progress

This post has been removed.
hedgemaze

RedWinderbelt Hi there, just letting you know that your lit shows up as "Invalid literature selected". Maybe check to see if it's not set to publicly visible?

RedWinderbelt

thank you!! fixed!!


timeandtimor

RedWinderbelt 

I really like the description of the protagonist's methods! The fact that the sentences are shorter in that part really helps emphasize the lack of compassion that the killer has towards his victim. That kind of apathy is totally bone-chilling, which really fits with the genre that you're writing. I would love to read a longer version with more details if you decide to revise or add a new chapter.


tw// allusion to self-harm (brief, but present)  https://toyhou.se/~literature/178.the-farthest-blue/7.sometimes (super interested in how you feel about the tone/emotion portrayed in the work, if my word choice fits the mood i'm trying to establish so please let me know what you think about that!)