[FRAG] Keep A Secret

His bedroom was so quiet. Jubilee blinked blearily as he glanced around the dark room. He hadn't bothered to turn on the lights. It'd been months since he'd actually gotten a good rest of sleep. Not that Fragments needed it, but well... it was good to get a break from existence every once in a while. And maybe Profound had demanded he sleep.

His feet dragged against the carpet as he forced himself in, the door swinging shut behind him. With one hand's knuckles, he rubbed at his eyes, feeling exhaustion creeping up his spine. How much longer could he keep going like this? Especially with the injury he was sporting. Probably not too much longer... sleeping made sense. Give him a break to mull over all that happened, too.

Morning Star and Magnotris, the newest Overseers. Sundae was stalking him. He'd probably accidentally completely ruined any potential relationship with Sterling. What else could go wrong?

Maybe if you weren't such a dumb bitch Sterling wouldn't have gotten the drop on you.

"Yes, I know," Jubilee responded dully, "that was completely my fault, and I was an idiot for walking into such an obvious trap. And I'd REALLY appreciate to be berated for it, right now, as I try to catch up on some well-needed rest."

He pulled back the blankets on his bed, which were wrinkled and probably needed a good wash. The smell was familiar, at least, and he took a deep breath. They had the benefit of being homely, he supposed?

Homely and boring. I could make you a totally-better bed, with um, like um, it could have more blankets and stuff. I don't know what beds are good for.

"Thanks for the offer," he replied, shrugging off his jacket and slipping out of his dress. The clothes were left on the floor. Normally he'd magically remove them, but he was still trying to conserve his supplies so the hole in his chest would heal faster. 

You should've killed him for that.

"Killing Sterling was the opposite of what I wanted to accomplish by visiting him. I was saying sorry, not trying to make my treatment of him worse."

Yeah, but why bother? He still hates you, you accomplished nothing. And you have a giant wound now. Not really fun to watch, for me. Nor is it particularly productive. 

"That's for me to decide, not you."

Your plan is stupid.

Jubilee sighed as he crawled into bed. The comforters were warm. They smelled like him, and they smelled like Ren. But how long had it been since they'd slept together? How could it still remind him of all those times, ages ago? How old was this room in the first place?

You should just come back here.

"We've been over this enough. Shut up or I'll tune you out for another week."

DON'T!

"Then stop trying to guilt trip me."

Rendgen's voice was adorably exasperated. I'm just being HONEST!! Or trying to at least!! The stupid Coalition thing is just stressing you out, obviously, so you should come back to me and forget about it. I heard what you were saying to Morning Star and Profound earlier! You said such mean shit about me!

Jubilee closed his eyes.

DON'T FALL ASLEEP YET!!

"Alright, alright, I'm not," he mumbled, rubbing at his face. His ears were ringing slightly.

Come home. the quiet demand, always in the back of his head.

"No. I'm busy with my work as an Overseer." he kept his voice firm.

It's bad work.

"I knew that when I took it on, and so did you."

I want you. To come home.

"It stopped being about what we want a long time ago. The entire world is more important than that."

Well then I'll just keep destroying the stupid fucking Coalition! came the screech in his head, AND THEN WHAT'LL YOU DO WHEN IT'S ALL IN PIECES?

"Why, I'll pick them up and put them back together, like I always have," Jubilee mumbled to the ceiling. "It doesn't matter what you try. None of the other Magnitude Fragments are on your side. You won't accomplish unravelling the mess they've made."

IT'S NOT FAIR!

"We've been over this," he monotoned. "It was never fair and will never be fair. That's how the chips fall, that's how our dice rolls. It's already ridiculous that I'm putting so much effort into trying to change fate as it is."

It doesn't have to be you!

"Nobody else has stepped up so far."

Make them step up! Make someone else lead the Overseers!

"I couldn't put that weight on anyone else. I can carry it."

COME HOME!

"If you're seriously just going to throw a tantrum then we are done talking. I let you talk because I wanted maybe some support and a nice hug, not because I wanted to have to baby you while you have the same freakout you do every thousand years or so."

Silence, blessed silence. The bedroom was overwhelmingly quiet, no noise drifting in from the hallways or adjacent rooms. Jubilee lifted a hand to flick on the fan on his nightstand. The white noise was comforting, and it helped remind him that he was still alive.

The dull ache in his chest was reminding him that he'd almost died. It really shouldn't have caught him as off-guard as it did. It wasn't his first brush with gold. Was he losing his edge, or losing his head? How could he even tell?

...Sorry.

"Anyways," Jubilee huffed, "I opened the link because I wanted to talk to you about the Haven plan."

Even if you get both of Pya's Fragments back on your side it's not going to help, you know.

"Great! I don't care what you think about the end goal. What I want to know is if you think Morning Star could convince Sundae that we're not enemies."

Sundae... well, he is awful. And annoying. He screams so loud, and he bleeds too much, and -

"Answer my question, Rendgen."

Ugh, fine. Yeah I guess Morning Star could. But you could ask me to convince Sundae, too.

"I'm sure Sundae would love you knocking on his door again." Jubilee rubbed his forehead. "I wonder how much more you could turn him into a reclusive hermit, hmm? Maybe you'll traumatize him hard enough that he just won't leave his bedroom for fear of you afterwards. That's very conductive to my plan and will totally encourage me to talk to you all of the time, yes."

Okay, okay, I get it! I won't be so mean this time?

"No, you set me back way too much with that little stunt, and you know it. So stop offering to do stupid shit like that."

...I was just trying to help.

"Oh, I'm SURE beating Sundae's face in while screaming 'GO HELP JUBILEE' was SURE to be of extreme assistance!" Jubilee yelled, slamming a fist weakly into the mattress. "Can you just stop BUTTING INTO MY WORK!? If I needed you to interfere I would've ASKED!"

No! I want you to come home! 

"Then can you at LEAST decide if you want to help or hinder me?! Stop sending mixed messages!"

I don't know HOW to stop!

"AUGH! This is getting us NOWHERE," Jubilee hissed, slumping back against the bed as his body untensed. "Just forget it. I'm going to bed."

Not yet.

"Now what?"

...When you were talking to Profound...

Um... did you really mean what you said about me?

"I'm no liar, Ren."

Well that was awfully mean of you to say.
Just saying.

I'm not rotten or whatever and I'm not running from my problems. 

Jubilee. Jubilee respond to me

Jubileeeeee

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB-

"CAN YOU PLEASE STOP!?"

Well I thought you fell asleep!

"I was TRYING to think over my response."

Oh, sorry.

Jubilee huffed. "Yes, well, I stand by what I said. Everyone is rotten, Ren. That includes you, that includes me, that includes Pyatiugolnik. Everyone has their vices and insecurities. And we are all constantly succumbing to them, at every moment. If you're not diligent, they overwhelm you."

What's one of my vices, then?

He fell silent for a long moment, before muttering, "Insecurity."

Wow, mean! When am I insecure?

"I'm really too tired to be giving you any deep introspective fuel right now, Ren. Not that you'll listen to it, but I digress."

Well now you have to tell me one of YOUR vices, to make it even.

"Okay," Jubilee sighed, eyelids drooping. "Let me think."

Rendgen was quiet, thankfully. The ceiling was dark and gray, the details of the nice painting Profound had put over his bed years ago lost to the lack of light. If Jubilee squinted, he could make out soft blocks of shapes, but all the intricacies had long since been obscured in darkness.

What was something upsetting him? What was eating him? What weighed on him and dragged him down?

"I'm jealous right now," he said, after a long pause.

Jealous? Of what?

Jubilee rolled onto his side, staring at the closet door instead. "Of Morning Star."

Are you upset about his Blessing?

"More than I have a right to be," he admitted, letting out a yawn. "I suppose it's the result of millennia of frustration. Seeing all the work I've done for the COR, my efforts to move forth and come up with a permanent solution... Sundae being Blessed, I understood, at least. I was still upset back then, but I felt that if Pyatiugolnik would ever Bless anyone, Sundae would be it. But... now he's gone and Blessed Morning Star. It's no longer a one-off fluke. He's actively looking for people to Bless."

His fingers tightened in the blanket. "And, I suppose I'm just upset that I was passed over. Again. After all the time and effort I've put into repairing the Timelines and running the COR as best as I can. I think I'm empathetic, I think I'm fairly compassionate, right? So why do I just keep getting passed over?" he sighed. "And I thought maybe it was your Blessing, but I feel like that's a cop-out answer. And then I wondered if he knew about my plan, but I don't imagine you talk to him at all.

"And I know I don't have a right to be jealous, and I'm trying not to let that cloud my decisions. But it's hard, to think of all my life that I've poured into this, and to know that for some reason, for whatever reason, he thinks I'm not good enough. I don't even know his metrics or standards. How can I possibly live up to them?"

Yeah, Pya sucks anyways. He's a jerk and I don't like him. You're better off without his Blessing, and also you should come home. And I didn't talk to him.

"I can't come home yet," he murmured, blinking slowly as his vision fuzzed. "Not when I'm this close."

But I want you to.

"I know." Jubilee yawned again, covering his mouth as the bed creaked and shifted. "Maybe soon." he didn't blink as arms slid around his waist and he was pulled into the other's spoon. "I'm sorry for being short with you earlier. It's been a long week."

It was but you were pretty fucking rude.

"That's how it is, Ren," he muttered.

What are your plans for tomorrow?

"What, so you can wreck them?" Jubilee playfully elbowed his ribs. "I jest, mostly. I'll be sending an escort with Morning Star to Timeline AA-91. There, he'll meet Wage's family to hopefully learn about him a little more and be able to connect with him better later. And I'll contact Sundae and talk about my plan. The other Overseers okay'd it, so I've got to get the ball rolling as fast as possible. As for things that aren't the culmination of my existence... well, I have six meetings, and Profound wants to call a doctor in to look at my wound, so that's on the table. Then I have to arrange for some of the other Overseers to repair the damage to the cathedral caused by the fight - cleaning blood and whatnot. After that I've been formally requested to visit Timeline YB-5913 myself because there's some sort of... civil disagreement about it between its two Frags. And - that's all I have planned, but stars know they'll throw something else at me."

If you come home, you won't have to deal with any of that.

"Yes," Jubilee whispered, closing his eyes. "I know that."

I could erase everyone's memory of you, and you wouldn't even have to worry about giving up. Like, I bet Prav would be pissy but he's always pissy. But you could come home.

"I know the offer stands, Ren, but I've made my stance very clear."

I just don't... understand.

"I know."

You could probably do it better if you were home. I bet more people would listen to you, and you could fix it all better and faster. Instead of doing... whatever it is you are.

"Do you remember when I told Magnotris that I wasn't going to be a tyrant? That I wasn't going to force people to do my bidding?" 

I don't see how coming home and working from there makes you a tyrant....

"Think of my position as Overseer already. Think of the influence this gives me... now think about how much more scary I'd be if people knew what I was. Do you understand that? I don't want to be feared. I don't want to be obeyed out of fear. I want everyone to be able to self-regulate themselves without needing me to snarl at them to keep them in line. That's my dream, Ren, and I'll work towards it with every fiber of my being. This is the only way."

Joobs I want you to come home. That's my dream.

He put a pillow over his face. "Well, helping with the plan would be conducive to getting me home faster." 

But-

The lights flicked on, and Jubilee rapidly blinked. The door was wide open, Profound leaning in with a worried face. The warmth nestled behind Jubilee had disappeared.

Jubilee gave an anxious smile. "Yes?"

"Jubilee?" came the cautious reply, an eyebrow raised, "who are you talking to? I heard-"

"-Myself."

"...Are you alright?"

"I am, yes, thank you for your concern. I'll get some sleep now, though. I really should."

Profound nodded quietly before giving him a small thumbs up and pulling the door closed again. The lights flicked off a second later and Jubilee was returned to the darkness. He sighed loudly through his nose and mashed his face back into the warm pillow as arms wrapped around him again.

When you sleep, does Polumesec fill your head with dreams?

"No, I told him to stop."

...I guess that's fair. He's kind of a cunt, isn't he?

"Why? Did he give you an awful one recently?" there was a nod against Jubilee's head. "Well then. Sorry to hear that, I suppose."

I'll walk in your dreams instead. Then they'll be cool and safe.

"Whatever you want," Jubilee mumbled, closing his eyes again. "But ideally I'm going to bed before I have to start up work all over again, so how about we just stop arguing and let me rest?"

Okay.

Um...

...I love you.

"I know. I... yes. I love you too."