There Was No Punchline

"It's nice to be invited to a ball like this," Irie said. "Though I do wonder why. Does the host know our trainer?"

They looked around. The ball was, certainly, full of very fancy pokémon–and not just eevees, for once!–with few human trainers in sight. Irie glanced at their companions, who both looked uninterested in keeping up the conversation.

The cream-colored eevee sniffed the air. "Dunno," she said. "I'm gonna get more salami."

She took off running. Irie raised their fish tail, about to call her back, then let it fall against the floor with a loud slap.

"Really," they said to the remaining eevee. "I don't understand why we have to babysit Rolly. She's a child!"

Next to them, the only sign the eevee was conscious was their bright gold eyes, emerging from the dark pit in their face. As they were a fusion with what was essentially a sea anemone, their anatomy could be unsettling to those who didn't know them well, which was probably why the other pokémon weren't coming near them. They blinked, slowly.

"Okay, Pinwheel," Irie said, "but why bring her here? This is a very fancy event, and all Rolly's doing is stuffing herself on the very fancy salami."

Pinwheel blinked again.

Irie huffed. "Fine. I'm going to get some wine."

They soon found out that most pokémon, eevees included, couldn't drink wine, so Irie wandered the floor aimlessly for a while to try and find something else interesting to drink. Rolly had tackled a waiter and was on top of him devouring salami off his chest and the surrounding floor. Irie pretended they didn't know her. Spotting a bowl of fruit punch that had no one around it, they decided to give it a try.

"You look pretty!"

Irie blinked and turned towards the voice.

"Oh," the furret said. She put a paw to her mouth, her eyes wide. "Oh, boy, I didn't actually think this through. You are really pretty, though. I'm Villain. What's your name?"

"Irie," they responded. "They or he pronouns, if you're wondering."

"Oh, yeah. I use she."

Irie nodded. "Your name's really Villain?"

She tucked her tail over her eyes. "It's a weird name, I know."

"I think it's charming," Irie said. "One of my trainer's other pokémon is called the Lego Movie (2014)–Lego for short. You would only have to shorten yours if you wanted to."

Villain peeked out from behind her tail. "The Lego Movie?"

"Yes. (2014)."

"Wow, with parentheses!" Villain uncovered her face and sighed. "I'm glad you think my name is nice. I meant it when I said you were pretty, and because of that, I wanted to warn you that I spiked the punch."

"Excuse me?"

"Not with alcohol," she clarified. "It's a magic potion. See, someone's about to drink it."

Irie watched as a mightyena approached the punch, which had no wait, and took a sip directly from the bowl. While Irie reflected on how unsanitary that was, the mightyena changed color to green and fuchsia and grew petals all over their body.

"Oh!" Villain said in alarm. "That's not what I put in there. Okay, maybe it was the salami? Don't eat the salami."

"Ah," Irie said. "I have bad news."

A short distance away, Rolly started laughing maniacally. Moments later, the screams started. Irie shook their head and went to get Pinwheel, Villain following close behind.