Journal Entries 1-3
His writings while being healed of a darkside sickness about a year ago.
Log Entry - Sept. 1st
I've been taken to a secure wing of the temple for "discreet" counseling. I guess it's a new way to help Sith screw-ups find the light. They said I could leave whenever I wished but that would mean to leave the Order because I wouldn't have accepted their teachings. So basically I have no choice. I don't get to see Hilion or anyone else I might be a "negative influence" on until I'm "better." They put me in a nice room with plenty of comforts and nice healers but I feel like I'm under a microscope. I've been under a lot of pressure lately and this is something I don't think I needed. I feel extremely isolated; closed off from the world. I've always been very introverted and quiet. Only through people who truly loved me could I ammount to anything. I'm a little put off to say the least. How long do I have to stay here?
-Angel G.
Log Entry
I'm scared. I don't feel like I'm being healed. I feel like I'm being split apart. I fear the darkness under my bed and I'm concerned with the shadow of the curtains. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I want out. I want my Master, Padawan, anyone. They said it might be hard, like an addiction but I'm dying.
-Angel G.
Log
I am alone. Everyone has abandoned me. I scream out and nothing comes back. I'm gone. I have faded into nothing. I'm a disappointment. My father wanted someone stronger. I'm so sorry I couldn't be you. I remember taking apart your bodies. Lifeless creations of God hitting the floor like ragdolls. Mama, Papa. My sweet, darlign sisters. I was there at the beginning of your lives and I was there at the end. Goodbye my flowers. I fail. I never am more than this. I am dark sin. I am the Devil's son. Leave me to die, Jesus. I did not deserve your blood. Mary do not remember me. I am bone and darkness. I deserve this. I'm sorry Luke, my Master. I ruined it all. Hate me if it helps. I'm used to it. I can never be a good Master. I don't know how. I am alone. I am lost. I can't think. I am gone. I can't think. I lost my arm. Burning pain and hot tears. Just love me and hold me. I'm sorry. I can't do anything right. I am alone. Everyone has abandoned me.
-Angel G.
((Note: This was written by Angel over a period of weeks when he became incredibly ill and his Master took the last resort of hospitilizing him. The new forms of treatment used on him effected him so badly that his dark side actually ended up growing and he spent months recovering. This distanced him even more from the Jedi and the Temple, adding to his current, already existing, distrust toward others.))