2010/11-Letting Go

Kaoori waited until twilight to visit the tree, the one reason Dag could  not return.  She had thought all day about what she would say, when it  finally came to her.  She approached the tree slowly, looking up and  taking in all its mighty branches with the leaves that would not fall.   Finally, she spoke.

“You and I.. we are much the same.  Do you know that?   You do not want to let go.. Just as I did not want to.”

A small breeze rustled through the forest, shaking the tree’s leaves,  but they did not make a sound, as if they were hanging on for dear life.

“We are both mothers, tree.  And we have both lost children.  You’re going to lose them again, when they fall.. “

The little shika tilted her head , looking up at the vast branches of  the tree, stretching toward the heavens.  She could not fathom what it  would be like to have to say goodbye, year after year.

“Do you know all their names, tree?  Have  you spoken with them all?  When it is time.. Do you say goodbye to them  all?  Do you get to say goodbye?  I am sure it is hard.  Something I  cannot fathom.  But, I too, have lost.. And I did not want to let go.  I  wanted to find a way to bring her back, keep her with me forever.  I  blamed myself for everything.”

Kaoori sat underneath the tree, now aware she was speaking aloud to what  seemed like no one, but the side of the tree seemed to feel warm beside  her.

“I almost lost myself,  dear tree.  I almost faded away and disappeared, too.  What good would  that have done us both?  And one night, I realized, as I looked to the  stars..”

She looked up, through the leaves, into the clear night sky, up at the  stars.  One in particular seemed to twinkle more than the rest.  She  smiled, and her violet eyes sparkled themselves.  Then she turned to  face the tree, again, seemingly talking to no one.

“We have to let them go, dear tree.  Your  leaves cannot live forever.  My child is different, yes, because she did  not get to live.  But I would not have gotten to live by holding onto  her forever, either, and now she lives on in a different way.  Your  leaves.. They need to change, need to grow.. Need to make room for the  new generation of your children. ..”

The little star twinkled again, and suddenly the whole sky seemed to  brighten, as hundreds of other stars made their presence known, shining  brightly in the sky.  Kaoori turned up to the heavens again, and laughed  slightly.

“Besides, dear mother tree.. Who is to say they are gone forever?  Perhaps- they will watch over you.”