The Time Satan was a better roommate than humanity
So, college sucks. I’ve been having to split an apartment with a bunch of people way older than me because of the location of this university. Most have been absolutely horrible. The worst was the horder I had to spend my one free day before finals getting evicted. This time, it’s not so bad. She pays the rent on time, does her fair share of chores and even does a decent amount of cooking, even if she’s always wearing these demon horns and tail even though it’s long past halloween. That’s the part that never made sense. Until I caught her at three in the morning making mustard and bologna sandwiches for bruting demons larger than the ceiling and have to crouch to fit in our medium sized apartment. Everytime one would leave I could hear a faint “Thank you mama Luci.” before giving her a pat on the head and leaving.
“So what was that last night?”
“What was what?”
“The giant demons in the kitchen and you were making sandwiches.”
“That’s gotta be the weirdest dream you ever had.”
“And they we’re calling you Mama Luci.” She took a giant gulp and the tail went in between her legs like a dog, ok what the hell is with my roommate.
“I’m guessing you were up at the witching hour?”
“That’s 3 Am.” A deep sigh.
“Shit.”
“What do you mean shit!?”
“I’m actually Satan and the overnight workers were hungry so I was making them lunch. I’ll pay you back for the bologna!”
I took a sip of my beverage. “Explains the horn and tail. But why Luci? I thought your name was Koi.”
“That’s an alias. Technically I’m Lucifer.”
“Don’t tell me you’re actually a guy as well, because that would make the tampon situation super wierd.”
“Nah, not a dude, they thought I was but I was a chick.” She shrugged nonchalantly as if being told your roommate is Satan is an everyday thing.
“So why are you in the mortal realm?”
“I like fucking with people. Just the minor stuff like being out of milk when eating cereal, the one lazy wheel on a shopping cart, the minor things. I’m not malicious, just sometimes the world needs to be a little more burnt.”
“Where did the mustard come from?”
“One of them brought it.” Now everything made sense but didn’t make sense. She’s super animal loving, plays the crap out of Castlevania… Huh.
“Can you help me with this math stuff? The boss wants it in by 5 and for being an immortal demon, I cannot wrap my brain around it.”