Ouroboros 'Round the Volcanic Ring

I reclined back in my hammock, sipping coffee through a straw and basking in the afternoon sunlight. Brats were running around, warriors were heading to and from the battlefields, and there was yet another escaped beta bug being pursued by the resident animal caretakers. I couldn't help the sly smirk from spreading across my face if I tried, idly watching the hijinks from my front yard. Rest, relaxation, and free entertainment - honestly, what more could one ask for on such a lazy day?

Of course, it was not to last. Wingbeats drew my attention skyward, and I almost groaned as a familiar demon lord landed in front of me.

"Lord Belphegor. So this is where you constantly disappear off to. Seems I've finally found your newest...holding." the demonic gryphon sneered, red eyes glinting. I did actually groan this time, pushing up my shades with a single finger and giving Lord Malthus an unimpressed look.

"Holding? Have your senses dulled so much since last we met that you can't even tell when territory has been claimed or not?" I drawled scathingly, one eyebrow raised. He knew as well as I that I hadn't claimed this island as my own, and for good reason. Even the small mini island I verbally claimed was just that; verbally. It was mine in name, but as far as practice went, it was just as unclaimed as the rest of Ouroboros.

"Obviously not." Lord Malthus snapped, gunmetal gray feathers bristling. "You literally have a house here, Lord Belphegor. How is this not your holding?" A fanged smirk spread up the annoying upstart's face as some idiotic idea occurred to him. "Unless you think just because you haven't claimed the place that no one will take it from you? A lord of your status should know better."

I gave my fellow lord an irritated look. Of all the stupid- "Do you even realize who lives here?" I bit out, annoyed. 

"Does it matter? This place will be my holding soon enough." Lord Malthus sneered, and then- oh, he did not-!

That fool idiot just claimed Ouroboros.

"Are you mad?!" I howled, coffee cup crashing to the ground as I practically threw myself off my hammock, marching right up to growl into Lord Malthus's face. "This place is neutral, unclaimed territory, meaning-!"

"Oh how cute, that you think you can squirrel away your precious belongings in neutral ground. Too scared you can't defend them properly? I should have figured." Lord Malthus scoffed. Behind him, I could see Ouroboros stomping toward us, obviously furious at the claiming he'd felt. As the spirit of the island, he would've known immediately when he was claimed - as well as the fact that I had not been the one to do it.

"Meaning that the resident spirit of the land is going to take offense to you claiming ownership of him." I finished, shooting the other lord a scathing glare. Lord Malthus only grinned in response.

"This tiny place has a spirit of the land? Let him; it's been too long since I've broken one to my will."

And that was the kicker here; he could. Oh, it most certainly wouldn't be easy - Ouroboros was an island spirit, after all - but it could be done. And that was not going to fly with me. My stuff was here, after all.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Ouroboros snapped, coming to a stop next to us. "And who in blazes do you think you are, coming here and stinking up the place with your pathetic claim?"

Quick as a snake, Lord Malthus darted forward, planting Ouroboros's face into the dirt with a single clawed foot, his demonic aura bearing down on him in a clear show of force. "Your new master, you pathetic spit of land. I own you, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner the pain will stop."

I couldn't move to defend Ouroboros, not without claiming the island as my own. Which rather defeated the point, as this was a place where I came to get away from the chaos of demonic squabbles and attempts at rearranging the hierarchal pecking order. The ground rumbled beneath our feet; a sure-fire sign of Ouroboros's rage. Lord Malthus laughed; he mistook the tremor for weakness, while I knew it for what it was: restraint. Ouroboros didn't want to knock the village down, as unlikely as it was. Sora did good work, but should Ouroboros really let loose, he could very well tear the island asunder.

"That's it? That's all you have to offer?" Lord Malthus practically cackled, pressing Ouroboros's head deeper into the dirt. "Never in my life have I met an island spirit so weak!"

"Which ought to be telling you something." I commented snidely. "But then again, this is why you are merely a minor lord, while I am not."

Ooooh, that struck a nerve. Lord Malthus glowered at me, hatred burning in his eyes. "You-!"

"Hey! Get off mister Ouroboros! That's not nice!" Oh no. We both turned to see none other than that idiotic watercolor warrior raptor brat, angry scowl on his face and clearly oblivious as to the actual danger here.

"Kid, Caspian ge-!" Ouroboros tried to say, only for Lord Malthus to stomp his face back into the dirt.

"Did I say you could speak?!" the demon lord snapped, lightning snapping from his fingers and into Ouroboros, causing a stronger earthquake this time before a small crack opened beneath Lord Malthus's feet, a focused lava geyser erupting from the earth. Something much more deadly than a mere burst of lava. The demon was quick to hop out of range, scowling, before gathering condensed, crackling lightning in his claws. He opened his mouth to say more, only to get hit in the side of the head with a rock, causing his spell to fizzle out.

A rock that proceeded to turn him into a Patched Bear.

Lord Malthus was now a walking, talking, teddy bear. A literal child's toy.

All three of us stared, gaping, at the angry brat in front of us. "You stupid meanie! Now you don' have sharp claws anymore, and are soft and plushy, so you can't hurt mister Ouroboros no more!" the raptor declared, watery crest rising in his rage. Infuriated, Lord Malthus moved almost quicker than the mortal eye could see and no don’t you dare touch him-!

Lord Malthus had the feathered brat held up by the throat, but I had my claws digging into the faux skin over his heart, glowing with spellfire in clear warning.

"Malthus. Put. The kid. Down." I warned him tersely. I couldn't kill him without him killing the brat out of spite before he croaked, and he knew it. Lord Malthus just turned his head to look at me incredulously with his new button eyes, before roaring with laughter.

"You've gone soft, haven't you? Look at you now, rushing to the defense of a mortal brat! What, is he one of your precious treasures now?" Lord Malthus sneered, "Treasures that you can't even defend? Did you really think I wouldn't-"

I caught a flash of black and red out of the corner of my eye, and smoothly stepped aside. Lord Malthus only had a second to blink at me in confusion as to why I'd suddenly disengaged before Zinnia was all over him. Where her brats were, the gryphon was never far, and this was one mortal who had gone to battle against multiple harbingers, and slain them all. Even the one that had eventually crippled her.

"What on this green earth do you think you're doing to my son?!" Zinnia screeched, a clawed foot on the now-bear's throat and her flail held at the ready. Smirking, I put my paws behind my head and sat back to hover in the air and watch the show.

"I- I-!" Flabberghasted, Lord Malthus could only sputter incoherently for several seconds before pulling himself together. "You wretched morta-qeek!"

Zinnia stomped down on his throat, cutting him off with an oh-so-embarrasing squeak. "I asked you a question, you bedraggled scrap of pelt! What. Did you think. You were doing. To my son?!" 

"Hurk-! I am a demon lord you-!"

"Imbecile." Zinnia rolled her eyes, before stomping again on Lord Malthus's windpipe to shut him up. I was duly taking notes. "I asked what you thought you were doing to my son, not whatever cretin you are. Now, Belphegor, who is this fool and what is he doing here?" 

I snickered. "That, my dear, is Lord Malthus, newly a Patched Bear courtesy of your son." I said, glee obvious in my voice. Lord Malthus growled, lunging out from underneath Zinnia, taking a nasty gash to the face as Zinnia’s reflexes kicked in in exchange for freedom, only to scream as a tree sprouted and then grew to full maturity beneath him, tangling him up in branches and leaving him dangling several feet above our heads. "My, how undignified." I tutted, shaking my head, before turning back to my neighbors. "He seemed to be under the mistaken impression that he could simply claim this land as his own and, ah, how shall I put it? You all as his chattel as well." I said blithely, shrugging, intentionally fueling the fire.

"That shall certainly not be happening." Zinnia scoffed, rage dancing in her eyes. "Not on my watch."

"Trust me, it isn't." Ouroboros reassured her, before turning to the gryphon's brat. "Caspian, go home. It isn't safe here."

"What?" the watercolor raptor protested, only to be silenced by a gimlet glare from his adopted parent. "Fiiiiine. But he owes me a new Patched Bear Stone! That was my only one!" he added, before turning and storming off down the path. We were already starting to draw a crowd; this entire altercation had happened within the village proper after all, and a giant tree suddenly growing up out of nowhere tended to draw attention.

"What's going on?" Rowan asked, trotting up, and oh, how I so dearly wished I had a camera on paw to record the drastic change from misplaced arrogance to utter horror! Every demon worth their salt knew who the Godslayer was, and it was abundantly clear that this idiot hadn't even bothered to do his due diligence scouting out the area before confronting me; how wonderful! Now where was that picture-obsessed mortal when you needed him, this utter embarrassment of a failure needed to be preserved for all eternity. And passed around the upper echelons of demon-kind, of course.

"Some idiot trying to come be a conquering tyrant and enslave everybody. Friend of yours, Belpehgor?" Ouroboros asked. I scoffed.

"Hardly. This buffoon barely holds the title of lord as it is; I highly doubt he'll be keeping it much longer after this." I remarked, a predatory smirk on my face. The sheer amount of damage to Lord Malthus's reputation from this dumpster fire alone would very well put his head on the chopping block as far as his status went, and judging from the horrified expression on his face, the upstart lord knew it. Or he could just be terrified of being within six feet of the teenaged saggitari infamous for slaying the demon god of the moon, either one.

Then again, he could use that as an excuse for his deplorable behavior. A pity.

And then, as though in answer to my desires, I heard the tell-tale click of a camera. Turning, I saw none other than Juniper, a wicked grin on his face as he took a second photo. And then a third.

I needed to get those from him when all was said and done; they were the perfect blackmail material.

"Nice." Zale grinned, a sharp canine poking out from under his top lip. "I need those."

"Wha- no! Y-you will destroy those at once!" Lord Malthus snapped, though the shaky tone made his demand rather less than impressive.

"As if! Those are going on my wall!" Zale crowed.

"You and me both." I smirked.

"At any rate, he isn't staying here. Anything in particular we could use to give him the boot?" Sora asked, arms crossed and wrench in hand. Clearly he had just been working on building something before this all went down, and judging by the dark look he was giving Lord Malthus, the earthquakes had likely taken their toll on it.

I smirked. "Oh, we could easily do it right here. You'll swear on your title that you won't come back, won't you?" I asked, voice saccharine sweet.

"Don't, don't you dare mock me!" Lord Malthus howled, flailing in his restraints, though as an oversized, button-eyed teddy bear it hardly looked intimidating. Xino, the living conundrum, pushed his way to the front of the crowd before staring down Lord Malthus.

"I think you should leave." he told him evenly. Lord Malthus gaped - it was a rather understandable reaction, Xino was quite obviously a church grim, and equally as obviously not in a graveyard, and living to boot. 

"Of course, we'll be more than happy to show you the door." Genesis added, deadly serious, with the mortal tailor's spiky white attack ball of a companion bristling in clear rage on her head. And what do you know, it suddenly dawned on the fool that he was surrounded by quite the angry mob of villagers and minipets alike. Lord Malthus had come without a single demon in his service, and now he was paying for his arrogance.

"I- you won't be hearing the last of this!" Lord Malthus growled, only for the resident man-child of a crafter to laugh at him.

"Yeah, yeah, on with the cliches. 'I'll get you next time', 'I will have my revenge' and all that." Zale chuckled, before his expression turned mischievous. "Launch him for us, will you, Ouroboros?"

"Gladly." The spirit grinned, before the tree bent over.

"Wh-what are y-?!" Lord Malthus started, but didn't get to finish due to being shot from the tree like a pebble from a slingshot, and it was glorious. What a perfect dopplered shriek, I doubted he could achieve such a thing again if he tried.

The clicking of the camera was just the icing on the delicious cake.

"So, what's that guy look like normally, so we can keep an eye out for him?" Morgan, the strange wolf-sheep hybrid of a former human asked, and rather sensibly too. Lord Malthus was most definitely not a Patched Bear. Normally. Pfffft.

"He's a demonic gryphon, but colored like one of Nahr’s silver mechanical birds. He's got red eyes, five barbed whip tails, oversized claws, a beak full of teeth, and niiiiiice big ram horns." Ouroboros replied.

"Ah." The teenager nodded, falling silent. "We'll keep an eye out then."

"Of course we will, that fool dared threaten Caspian. My son." Zinnia half-snarled, a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Should he dare to show his toothy beak again I will plant him in the ground." And oh, that would be a sight to see. I almost hoped Lord Malthus would. Speaking of...

"Be advised that Lord Malthus is just that; a lord." I spoke up. "He has plenty of demons in his service."

"So he may come back with an army." Jörmangandr, a great sea serpent to match his name, surmised. I nodded.

"Yes. But I'm sure it won't be anything you lot can't handle." I said flippantly. There were glances and snickers passed between my mortal neighbors; they knew me well.

"Like you'd stay out of it." the protogen, Pikabolt, spoke up, an electronic smile on her face. I scoffed.

"What do you take me for? I may not be able to interfere with claims but otherwise I can and will inflict violence, thank you very much." I sniffed. Knowing the unwritten rules inside and out and exploiting them for all they were worth was what set aside a demon worth their salt from the rabble. Defending the island spirit from Lord Malthus would be the same as claiming him myself, but defending the island I'm on while it's under attack, or even just picking a fight with another demon in my sight? Please.

A drop of rain plopped onto my nose; in the moment that I went temporarily cross-eyed looking at it, the heavens opened, and began to drizzle rain down onto our heads. I scowled, good mood fully ruined at this point.

"Well, I'm going to head inside. I don't fancy standing around to get drenched, and I fully intend on finishing that cup of coffee I was previously denied." I grumbled. At my words, the crowd began to disperse, murmuring amongst themselves; everyone heading back to whatever business they had been doing before. Tienyo and his protogen apprentice were carting that beta bug back into their pasture, and I saw Morgan riding that horse of his in the direction of the graveyard; no doubt to fill in our normal grim on the happenings here.

"So that happened, I guess." Ouroboros mused, the tree he'd grown uprooting itself from the road and spider-crawling with its roots off to the side, where it replanted itself into the dirt.

"Demonic drama. Why do you think I have a house here?" I asked rhetorically, shrugging. Ouroboros barked out a laugh.

"Not just a house, but a house, a storehouse for your hoard, and a mini island to keep it on." the island spirit remarked, before smirking at me. "So, you moved pretty fast to protect Caspian back there. Are you sure we aren't growing on you?"

"What is with you and insisting on that garbage being true? Me, growing attached to you mortals? Hardly." I scoffed. "The lack of care you mortals have for my presence here so long as I don't start anything untoward is why it's simply expedient to house my belongings here. If I tried to buy a house elsewhere the mortals in the area would attempt to skewer me with sharp, pointy objects, and set fire to my things. Hardly worth the hassle." I said dismissively.

"Sure it is, buddy. Sure it is." Ouroboros grinned, and I rolled my eyes at him. Sentimental idiot. With a lackadaisical wave, the mythic deer turned and made his way down the road towards the center of town, while I in turn headed inside. Mortals and spirits, honestly. I went straight for my coffee machine and began brewing a new pot of the delightful drink. That idiot brat Ouroboros had been going on about was likely already badgering Zinnia for the story of what happened today. I should really get that kid a new magic stone, if he was going to be using them like that...it was quite ingenious, not to mention entertaining. It was only fitting that such behavior be rewarded.

Now, what kind of magic stone could I find in the catalogs...?