SYOL (Take 1)

Bzzt.

Orange's eyes shot open. Could it be? He really did just have a crazy dream? He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and looked around for the source of the buzzing. Not on the bed, not in his pockets, not in a dresser, not on the nightstand, not on the table, not on the counter…when he finally found the buzzer, it was wrapped in something black by the door under the mail chute. He unwrapped it and realized it was a pair of Flann's panties with a note reading "You're stupid" attached.

Deciding to move on with his life, Orange tossed the panties and the note in a drawer and decided to never think about them ever again. He answered the buzzer and hoped with all of his heart it wasn't Lausac.

"Hello, this is Orange! How can I help you?" he greeted warmly, preparing himself for bitter disappointment. Fortunately for his sanity, the voice on the other end belonged to an unfamiliar woman.

"Uh, yeah, I'm going out tonight, so I need someone to watch my little sister. Get it?"
Babysitting? Sounded like something he was capable of. He didn't strike out the possibility that this woman's little sister was some sort of demonic violation of reality that had crawled from the very depths of Hell, though. Not after yesterday.

"Got it."

"Good. Be here in five minutes."

The woman hung up, and for a moment Orange wondered how he was supposed to find her if she hadn't told him which apartment she lived in. Right on cue, the screen of his buzzer changed to a map with one room in particular highlighted. Orange started off toward his destination, peeking around every corner for Lausac and examining the elevator thoroughly before stepping inside. It was only one floor up, but the ride felt like eternity. Once he was out of the elevator, he found himself speedwalking. Better safe than sorry, he supposed.

Orange knocked on the door to the apartment he was summoned to, waiting for only a blink before the door swung open. Standing – floating, rather – there was a woman clad in flowing lavender silk. Her hair was even more irrational than Flann's, decked out with glitter and beads and all sorts of other things not meant to be in hair in excess.

"Intern guy? Great, cool, she's in there. I'll be back whenever. Don't burn the place down, and don't even think about touching my room unless you want your life to be a living hell. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

The woman floated past Orange and down the hall without another word. Orange closed his eyes and took a deep breath before stepping inside and closing the door behind him. The room he found himself in looked like a place that woman could camouflage herself in easily. Lavender, silk, beads, ribbons, flowers, odd dangly decorations…for all of its strangeness, he had to admit it was awfully pretty. Then he remembered he had a job to do.

"Hello? It's me, the, erm, babysitter, I guess?" he called out. He didn't get a response, so he walked into the hallway. There were three doors, and he was able to rule out which two weren't this mysterious little sister's without much effort. One had a sign reading "Don't come in here or your life will be an eternal cascade of torment. –Astasia" and the other was found to be a bathroom after further inspection. That left the door at the end of the hall, which was covered with adorable, girly stickers. He knocked on the door, then placed his ear on it when he once again got no response.

"Hello? Is anyone in there?"

Still nothing. Orange cautiously opened the door and found himself in darkness. He reluctantly closed the door behind him, worried that at any moment Lausac would turn on a light and it would turn out he was in a closet full of lingerie again. He felt around for a lightswitch and found none, but discovered that the room was actually just a dark hallway. He started walking down it using his buzzer as a light, but after a minute or two of walking, the light faded as if the darkness was a solid mass.

If every day was going to be this weird and unnerving, Orange figured he'd better not think much of it.

Another minute or two later, Orange spotted a light at the end of the tunnel. He ran toward it and reached a kitchen. Confused, he looked around for another room or hallway. Little girls didn't usually live in kitchens, after all. He found a hallway with several doors and a flight of stairs and decided the stairs were his best bet. Climbing up them took him to some sort of sunroom, but instead of the sun filtering through the windows there was a giant eye. Orange had the worst feeling that he was going to grow a uterus every chapter.

The eye pulled back, revealing that it belonged to a young, indigo-haired girl. She smiled, which Orange wasn't sure how to feel about.

"Hello! Are you the guy Astasia hired?" she asked, her voice clearly audible through the walls and windows. Not sure if she'd be able to hear him back, he nodded in response.

"Hooray, you're just in time!" she clapped. "The tea party is just about to start!"

The ceiling disintegrated, allowed the girl to pluck him up and drop him. As he prepared for a messy demise, he suddenly grew back to normal size and found himself sitting on a frilly chair at an even frillier table. Across from him was the girl, who looked to be about ten.

"What's your name?" she asked excitedly, framing her hands and ignoring Orange's nametag. Forbidding himself from keeping his mind on this dimension's many curiosities for long, Orange adjusted his tie and introduced himself.

"My name is Orange. And yours?" he asked politely in return.

"Abasia! It's nice to meet you, Orange! I guess I'd better introduce you to everyone!"

She stood up and ran over to Orange, starting with the chair to his left. Sitting there was a strawberry with a cute little face and the tiniest stick limbs he'd ever seen. Not that he had seen many stick limbs.

"This is Roobles! He's a strawberry!"

Roobles jumped and waved at Orange. He felt like he was about to go into a diabetic coma. Abasia moved another seat to his left, where there were two fish dressed as a bride and a groom.

"This is Mr. Trout, and this is Mrs. Trout! They're here on a hot date!"

The two didn't respond because they were dead and also fish.

"This is Jackie! She has emotional problems." She whispered, pointing to the Jack-O-Lantern on the seat next to the Trouts. Its mouth was in an intense frown, but it looked like someone had attempted to carve it into a smile and gave up twenty seconds later.

"This is Ezney Troh! He's kind of a weirdo, but that's why we love him!" she introduced as she reached a fan in a fancy outfit with a flowerpot for a head. He waved enthusiastically with both hands.

"It's an honor, good sir! The privilege tickles my flowers!" he spoke despite lacking a mouth, his flowers waving with his words.

"Then this is my seat! So let's move over to Astasia the First!"

Abasia hopped behind a chair where a woman who looked vaguely like Astasia was sitting. The two had different-colored hair, her clothes were far less flashy, she didn't have any eyeballs, she was missing an arm…it took him a moment, but Orange realized that Astasia the First was a corpse. So the Astasia he had seen earlier was a ghost? He had seen stranger. He was seeing stranger. Most little girls didn't keep their sister's corpse at their tea party table, but Abasia was just about the furthest thing from a normal little girl possible.

"This is Henry! He's not very nice, so you should probably ignore him."

The eyepatch-wearing, chain-smoking teddy bear turned toward Orange with a glare and a growl.

"I hate my life."

Abasia ignored him and moved on to a bubbly blonde with blue streaks in her hair, plastic skin, and a smile that was much too cheery.

"This is Oceannifer! She's really nice!"

"Like, hi! It's super radical to meet you! I hope we'll be bffs forever and ever! Let's catch some mega-fab waves together some time!" Oceannifer beamed.

Next up was a porcelain doll that was mostly broken. Her curly pink hair was disconcertingly realistic.

"This is Charise! She doesn't do much."

Much to Orange's horror, the doll turned her head toward him and stared with its empty eye sockets. He couldn't pry himself away until Abasia was directly to his right. Even then, he still felt her staring…

"Last but certainly not least is Game Cartridge! I can't really play with him anymore since I forgot which system he goes to…so I invite him to tea parties so he doesn't feel left out!"

Orange looked down at the clunky gray cartridge lying on the chair next to him. Its label had been ripped off at some point, leaving only white patches and sticker residue.

Knowing better by now, Orange wasn't surprised when the cartridge looked back and gave him a "Yo". Abasia skipped back to her seat and tapped a spoon on her teacup.

"Attention, everyone! The tea party will now commence!"

Roobles, Ezney, and Oceannifer all cheered, Henry mumbled something most likely inappropriate, and everyone else was silent. Orange had a feeling this is how things always went.

"For today's small talk subject, we have…"

Abasia drummed her hands on the table for a few seconds before suddenly producing a small slip of paper. She read what was printed on it before nodding to herself and showing it to her guests.

"Sunshine! How does everyone feel about sunshine? We'll start with you, Astasia the First!"

Being a corpse, Astasia the First said nothing.

Abasia was either crazy or incredibly imaginative, because she seemed to be fully enraptured with Astasia the First's silence. "What an interesting opinion! Okay, Henry, you're next!"

Harry picked up his teacup and dropped it on the floor. Orange cringed, wondering how Abasia would respond. She did nothing and waited patiently for Henry to say something.

"I like sunshine because it gives people skin cancer. I hate it because it allows life to thrive." He grumbled. That was good enough for Abasia, who quickly moved on.

"How about you, Oceannifer?"

"I, like, totally love the sun! It's fantabulicious and spectacuriffic!" Oceannifer exclaimed, so overwhelmingly cheerful that she was practically sunshine herself.

Abasia turned to Charise, and Orange prepared his spine for tingling. After she was asked for her opinion, Charise robotically sipped her tea and emitted a noise similar to scraping a rusty nail against porcelain. The other guests simply nodded their heads as if she had contributed anything and moved on.

"You're up, Game Cartridge!"

Game Cartridge jumped up from the chair to the table, briefly falling over against his teacup before standing back up.

"Sunshine ain't that great. Takes away the players, melts games…plus, suns are always attacking people! What's up with that? Hella bogus."

"Hmm…an interesting viewpoint for sure! What do you think, Orange?"

Everyone turned toward Orange. He wasn't much good at public speaking, but he figured now was a good time as ever. He tugged at his collar and fixed his posture, hoping to at least look confident.

"I…I think sunshine is really swell. It's…it's really…something."

He would have felt more embarrassed if his fellow guests didn't consist of a strawberry, two dead fish, a Jack-o-Lantern, a man with a flowerpot for a head, a strange little girl, the corpse of the strange little girl's ghost sister, an irritable teddy bear, an overly perky artifact from the 90s, a disturbing porcelain doll, and an outdated video game cartridge.

"Sunshine is the bestest thing in the world!" Roobles piped up, assaulting Orange's ears with the most saccharine voice conceivable. "It helps me and my friends grow big and strong and healthy! Plus it's happy and beautiful and wonderful and perfect! Yaaaaaaay, sunshine!"

"My thoughts exactly!" Abasia agreed. "How about you, Mr. and Mrs. Trout?"

Being dead fish, neither of the two contributed anything. Abasia called them crazy lovebirds and moved on to Jackie, who likewise had nothing to say. Finally, it was Ezney's turn.

"I agree with sir Strawberry! Sunshine is a most excellent thing! If it wasn't for sunshine, I wouldn't be as beautiful as I am! Though, too much is definitely an awful thing…yes, yes, I need a balance of sunshine and raindrops! The combination is truly glorious!"

Abasia nodded along, sipping her tea. Orange hadn't touched his, partially because he didn't have much of an appetite after discovering three of the guests were corpses and partially because he wasn't much for tea. He was a milk and water sort of guy.

"Well, that was a riveting conversation! Does anyone have anything else to contribute?" she asked. Orange meekly raised his hand. He had a question eating up the back of his mind, and decided that it was probably okay to ask Abasia something like this.

Abasia seemed unreasonably excited to hear from him. "What is it, Orange?"

"It's sort of unrelated, but, if you don't mind me asking…" he unconsciously began fiddling with his tie, "Abasia, what exactly are you?"

The room went dead silent. Abasia closed her eyes and tilted her head back and forth, as if carefully thinking over how to word her explanation.

"I'm a reality bender." She settled on. "I can do anything! I think. That's what Astasia said. So she always told me to just stay inside so I didn't accidentally mess anything up. But then some bad stuff happened and eventually we met Drew! I was really excited, but Astasia made me stay home anyway." She huffed, saying more than she needed to. Orange was pleased with this turn of events because it meant he could avoid asking more questions.

"So, you turned your room into…another little dimension, it seems like?"

"Yep!" Abasia confirmed. "Isn't it great?"

"Very." He lied. He honestly found it kind of creepy, but he wasn't about to upset a reality-bending little girl.

"Yeah…too bad no one comes here, though. Except babysitters every once in a while…not like Astasia watches me when she's here, so I don't see why it even matters…" she frowned.

"Well, hey, you know you can contact interns like me at any time to visit you, right?" Orange pointed out, mentally damning himself for doing so.

"No, no, don't think like that, Orange! Be happier with your job! This isn't that bad! Kind of creepy, but not bad…"

"Really? You mean it? You'd come back to play whenever if I called you?" Abasia gasped, her grasp on reality torn apart.

"Uh…sure, yeah, of course!"

No backing out now. Abasia suddenly grinned, as if something had finally clicked in her mind.

"Okay, Orange! I think it's time for a story!" she announced, standing up and taking him by the hand. Before he could inquire about the sudden change of plans, she led him into another room. This room was dark in contrast to the last room's perpetual sunshine, illuminated only by glow-in-the-dark star stickers, several shining crystal balls floating freely, and a book in the middle of the room that gave off a bright magical aura.

"Take a seat right over there, okay?" she requested, sitting on a loveseat on one side of the book. Orange sat on the opposite loveseat, not sure what to expect. Something involving reality bending, most likely.

"Now, close your eyes! We're gonna get reeeal deep into this story! Tell me when you're ready!"

Orange did as instructed. "Ready."

He heard Abasia clear her throat and she began to weave a tale Orange would never forget.

"Once upon a time, there was a magical land called, umm…Kingdomland! And there was a handsome prince named Prince Ecoive who was going to become king! But anyone who wanted to be king had to slay the evil dragon, Golaeid, and rescue the princess!"

Orange smiled at the enthusiasm in her voice. It was probably the most adorable thing he had ever heard.

"Prince Ecoive was determined to triumph, not just to become king, but for the sake of justice and the safety of Princess Orange!"

Orange's eyes were forced open, allowing him to see that he was now in a small, stone room with little more than a bed and a window. His first instinct was to look outside of the window, where he discovered he was at least a dozen stories above the ground.

"Princess Orange was the prettiest princess in the whole world! He had really orange hair and, umm…a really pink dress! With sparkles!" Abasia continued, her voice coming down from the sky. Before Orange could question anything, he was suddenly in a pink, poofy dress with plenty of sparkles.

All he could think to say was "um".

"But have no fear, Princess Orange! Here comes the valiant Prince Ecoive to save the day!"

PrincessOrange looked out of the window again, examining the scenery a little more closely. The area immediately around the tower was apocalyptic and grim, but off toward the horizon was a happy, pink patch of land covered in giant candy.

"The prince has just restored joy and love to, umm…Candyplace, and has been granted a valiant steed as a reward! With, umm, Horseyname at the prince's side, victory is imminent!"

Orange was finally able to see the prince and was surprised to find that the prince was actually an olive-haired woman in an over-the-top interpretation of a prince's outfit and her valiant steed was a unicorn. Confused, he looked up at the sky.

"Wouldn't this make more sense the other way around?" he asked, really only bitter about the fact that he was stuck in the girliest outfit humanly comprehensible.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying that girls can't be princes and guys can't be princesses?! Don't be so shallow!" Abasia's disembodied voice boomed.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that at all!" he apologized, not wanting to see what an angry reality-bending little girl was capable.

"Good! Also, she came with the book. Anyway, moving on!"

Abasia cleared her throat and began anew.

"Prince Ecoive reached Golaeid's tower at long last. It was basically the spookiest thing ever, but Ecoive was too determined to feel fear!"

Prince Ecoive dismounted and gazed up at Orange's window, looking fierce and entirely too serious to be in this situation.

"Fear not, Princess Orange! You'll be free from the clutches of evil in no time at all! No dragon is a match for me! With Horseyname, the mighty sword Galaxy Slayer, the wishes of everyone I've met on my journey, and the justice within my heart, I am unstoppable!" she assured him heroically.

"Princess Orange shouted down words of encouragement with all of her heart!" Abasia continued. Taking this as a cue, Orange gave Prince Ecoive two thumbs up.

"Uh…I believe in you, Prince Ecoive!" he shouted down unconvincingly. He had a hard time immersing himself into the story when all he could think about was the rosy fabric that flowed around him. Fortunately, his half-hearted call was enough for Abasia.

"Horseyname rammed the door down, but sadly was unable to follow Prince Ecoive inside. Disheartened but knowing she could carry on even without her loyal friend, the prince put some money in the pony parking meter and ran up the stairs at an astounding twenty-five miles per hour!" she narrated. Orange wondered if she realized how silly this was getting.

Abasia described Prince Ecoive's journey up the tower in riveting and increasingly bizarre detail. Traps that blew bubbles, walls that called people names, kamikaze couches, armies of zombie pets, duels to the death with a mecha made out of kitchen appliances…it seemed that there was no end to Abasia's imagination. Alas, after forty minutes of putting up with nonsensical challenge after nonsensical challenge, Prince Ecoive (who looked none the worse for wear) finally arrived to rescue Orange.

"Princess Orange! At long last we meet."

Prince Ecoive rushed over to Orange and got down on one knee, kissing his hand before looking deeply into his eyes. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel anymore.

"Such beautiful eyes! Such flawless skin! Such vivid color! Such an enchanting aura! Truly, it is an honor to be your savior."

Orange blushed, not sure what to say. "Uh…thanks. You're pretty cool, too?"

"Smooth, Orange. Real smooth."

Orange was only allowed to drown in his awkwardness for a split second before Abasia spoke up again.

"Not so fast! Here comes the mighty dragon, Golaeid!"

Prince Ecoive unsheathed Galaxy Slayer and stood in front of Orange. She got into a defensive stance, looking as though she had been preparing for this moment her entire life. Given that she was a default character that came from a magical storybook, Orange figured that was entirely correct.

"Show yourself, foul demon, so I may slay you and grant peace to this world!" she ordered. As if obeying her request, a dragon the size of the tower materialized just outside the window and slashed at it. The tower swayed and crumbled, which elicited panicked whimpering from Orange but had no effect on Prince Ecoive. She wrapped her free arm around Orange and leapt out of the window despite the fact that the fall was certainly fatal.

Orange's body had already had enough and didn't even bother internalizing the girly shriek that built up inside of him. He closed his eyes so tightly he thought his eyelids would tear, and started shouting frantic somethings that amounted to "I don't want to die! I have so much to live for!"

Prince Ecoive landed flawlessly on Horseyname's back, which somehow didn't result in anyone at least breaking a few bones. Orange opened his eyes and was relieved that he was alive, then quickly remembered that there was a huge dragon right behind them. He turned around, expecting to see a menacing beast that would haunt his nightmares forever. Instead he saw what was essentially a glittery purple T-rex with wings and two oversized ribbons on the sides of its head. It was still perfectly capable of killing him, but he couldn't help but smirk. The line between "adorable" and "terrifying" had officially been blurred.

"Horseyname, you stay here! It's time to end this once and for all!" Prince Ecoive cried, jumping off of the unicorn. Horseyname stopped and watched as its owner fearlessly raced toward the almost-kind-of-scary "dragon".

Before Golaeid could react, Prince Ecoive had sliced through one of its legs with the power of one-thousand anguished galaxies. Out of the gash burst forth candy and confetti, which nonetheless served as a trigger to Orange. He and violence just didn't get along well. He couldn't stomach the sight of that much blood, even if the blood was the furthest from blood you could ever get. And so Orange spent the entirety of the epic battle burying his face in Horseyname's luxurious mane, depriving the readers of the most awe-inspiring experience to grace Entirety.

Orange didn't bother thinking about the time, but eventually a confetti-covered Prince Ecoive had triumphed, stabbing the candy-coated corpse of Golaeid and declaring victory in the name of love, justice, and Kingdomland.

"Is it safe to look up yet?" Orange asked no one in particular. Horseyname neighed in response. Trusting in his comrade, Orange opened his eyes and tried his damnedest not to vomit at the "carnage" before them. Horseyname was embarrassed to even be around him.

After posing dramatically for a while, Prince Ecoive sheathed her sword and returned to Horseyname and Orange's side.

"Princess Orange, are you hurt at all?" she asked softly, finally at ease.

"Only on the inside."

A shaft of violet light suddenly shone down upon the three, and Abasia's face appeared in the sky.

"Thank you, Prince Ecoive! At long last, the citizens of Kingdomland can finally sleep easy! You've lifted countless curses, saved innumerable lives, and slayed even more monsters. The least I can do to thank you, as goddess of this world, is grant you any wish of your choosing." She spoke.

Prince Ecoive shook her head, "Peace is finally here. The princess and Kingdomland are safe. What more could I possibly ask for? There is nothing more I could ever need." She explained before turning to Orange.

"Princess Orange, I humbly pass my wish on to you." She stated with a bow. Abasia shrugged.

"Very well! Princess Orange, what is your wish?"

"I really wish we were out of this book." He answered bluntly.

The world around them promptly began to dissolve. The sky broke apart and fell to the ground, which quaked and eroded away in response. The light was snuffed out and the shadows were obliterated as the air stood still around them. When the madness finally ended, the three were back in the dark room, princess dress and all.

Prince Ecoive's eyes darted around the room as she put a hand on Galaxy Slayer. "Where are we?! What happened?!"

"You're finally free, Prince Ecoive!" Abasia cheered as she stood up.

Prince Ecoive cocked an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"You were trapped in a book by Golaeid, but now that you resolved the plot, you're free! Hooray!" Abasia explained. Orange got off of Horseyname, at least grateful that Abasia was doing the whole excuse-making bit instead of forcing it on him.

"I see." Prince Ecoive allowed herself to relax. "But if that's the case, I don't believe Horseyname and I have anywhere to return to…"

"Why don't you stay with Abasia?" Orange suggested, piquing the curiosities of both parties.

"You don't get much company, right?" he continued, looking at Abasia. "So maybe having Prince Ecoive and Horseyname-" it took him a hell of a lot of effort not to laugh at that name – "-here with you might be a good thing. I mean, they don't have anywhere else to go anyway, right?"

Abasia nodded along with his explanation, liking the sound of it. "Yeah, sure! That could definitely work! What do you think, Prince Ecoive?"

"So long as there is peace to be maintained and the princess is safe…I see no reason to decline."

"Yay! Okay, I've gotta introduce you two to everyone! There's Roobles and the Trouts and Jackie and Ezney and-"

Abasia's listing was interrupted by Astasia' voice echoing from somewhere.

"Hey! I'm back! You can quit harassing the intern now unless you killed him or something..."

Abasia puffed her cheeks out and looked over at Orange.

"Looks like Princess Orange has to go! Come again sometime, okay?"

Before Orange could reply, she said "Poof!" and Orange was suddenly back in the living room. Astasia wasn't surprised by his sudden appearance, instead taking the time to look Orange up and down.

"Go home and take that dress off. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

Orange walked back to his room in a daze, not entirely sure what to make of today. He ignored the strange looks he got along the way, not that he would've responded to them anyway. When he reached his door he realized he had left his room key and buzzer in his other outfit, but quickly discovered Abasia had included them somewhere in the depths of his lacey hell. He walked inside, closed the door, and flopped down on his bed again. Before he could collect his thoughts, Lausac was suddenly hanging down from the ceiling.

"Hey, what the hell, man?! Did you snitch on m-"

He noticed Orange's outfit and burst into laughter, laughing so hard that he fell onto the floor and didn't care a bit. After a good minute of uproarious laughter, Lausac picked himself and started backing out of the room.

"Okay, okay, never mind. I'm good. We're even. Oh, man…you're into some seriously wacky shit, intern."

Lausac phased through the door and Orange picked up his rulebook with a sigh.

Rule 3: Always wear proper business attire. Unless it's casual Friday, in which case, go crazy!

At least it was Friday.