An Expansion into Cowardice

He couldn't get the words out of his head - "collared, respectful, and controlled." They played, over and over and over, ringing and ranging and blustering and blowing. That was what he had always tried to be. At least, some of it. He was respectful, though he flavored it with just enough pride to try to stop anyone from questioning whether he was worthy of the attention. He was controlled, generally soft spoken, and he rarely showed off his magic because he was sure, absolutely sure, that someone would some day look at it and say, "But really, this proves that you are nothing." He wore a collar, but it was merely cosmetic - wasn't it?

Uwe had never put much thought into the merits and morals of mages. His mother had shaken her hands at any attempt to bring it up, fully disinterested in anything that did not benefit her directly. They were some other creature, a mass of unnamed being, none of which was marrying her son and making her rich. Why should they matter at all? He had been intrigued when he'd seen some travelling mages, throwing lights in the air and turning glass into gold, but those could have been explained as parlor tricks, magicians who lacked magic, and their sole purpose was to woo the crowd and - likely - hide from the law. His own magic had been a surprise, but he still hadn't ever thought if the magic was "right" or if it was "wrong". It was a pretty lie, in both importance and what it conjured, but generally harmless and others had said it helped to stop a monster.

But monsters had all been mages once.

Didn't that condemn them? Just the possibility of such destruction. He had not been near the previous arch mage when she'd turned, but he'd heard the stories, the cries, the anger. True, many non-mages turned to mobs, becoming their own kind of monster, but they were simply reacting to their fear. If the mages were all watched, and collared, and controlled, wouldn't the mobs dissipate and peace return to the land? Frankly, he didn't know what the non-mages - or anyone, really - did outside of the Order, how they lived their lives, but it had to be without any sort of fear when there were no mages around. Didn't it?

But his own magic - would anyone be scared of it? In this the quiet of his room, his flicked his wrist, conjuring a shaky image of his hidden love (could he yet call it love?), Apollyn. The wind was weak with only a small window to feed it, but it was enough to see what Uwe remembered of the other man's face. It had been.... oh, it had been a while. The older man had sent him a letter, but he kept putting off, putting off, putting off sending another. Before, he'd just been overwhelmed, blushing at the idea that someone wanted to hear from him, but now he was so late, and Apollyn had liked moved on or definitely moved away, and... what if he didn't want anything to do with the wind artist anymore? Uwe wouldn't blame him - he wasn't much except a declared hero, and, now, an undeclared coward. Apollyn deserved so much more than everything he was not.

What was he going to do about the Witchfinders? Well, there was really nothing to do - they were around, and had the full support of the state, and he was nothing that could stop it. If he did, if he wanted to, then the people he had just pledged to protect would hate him, and the people who "fought" beside him would see him for the worthless, useless creature he was. He painted with air, for the sake of all sake - he wasn't good at fighting, or healing, or impressive feats. He just.... could make pretty pictures.

He couldn't, couldn't, couldn't let everybody down, not like that. Not when it was true, and he would never be anything. And, maybe, if he helped to bring in other mages, he would help them be safe. Yes, that was it. The mobs wouldn't destroy them if they were contained. They wouldn't turn into a monster if they weren't allowed to do anything wrong. Hagia had not had enough rules put on her, hadn't been good enough or watched enough. She shouldn't have fallen, shouldn't have been able to, but now things needed to change because she had. Maybe he could bring in Apollyn, protect him here. Even the prisons would keep him from falling, falling, falling into being destroyed by a monster or becoming a monster himself.

Uwe would be a witchfinder, so that none would find him out. And maybe he'd save a few along the way. Maybe.