Barbarian tactics
Barbarian: “I know just how to start a negotiation…trust me.”
Barbarian: *throws axe into man’s face*
Barbarian: “I think that went pretty well!”
Barbarian: “I know just how to start a negotiation…trust me.”
Barbarian: *throws axe into man’s face*
Barbarian: “I think that went pretty well!”
DM (to Barbarian): “Okay so I need you to make a constitution save or be blinded”
Barbarian: “But I’m fearless”
DM: *confused silence*
“The rogue in our fairly standard party had a habit of trying to have sex with pretty much everything. Coming upon a locked door, he gave us an announcement. DM: The door has a decently complex lock. Rogue: I attach the lockpick to my codpiece. I then fuck the door. *rolls nat 20* DM: Well, that’s new. The door just had an orgasm. It’s also open. And invites you to come back anytime.”—
DM: You come to a fork in the road.
Wizard (unfortunately very much in character): I pick it up.
Context; Our rogue has caught the unwanted attention of an old god, and is now meeting with them in a dream where they appear as a flesh monster
Rogue, approaching the god: What’s crackalackin?
DM: …Okay I need you to roll for psychic damage
I love the phrase “they get along like a house on fire”. It’s perfect. You and me have perfect chemistry and it’s setting off the carbon monoxide detectors. People are calling emergency services to get us to stop being so chummy. Someone died
blood “loss”? well it’s not lost. i know exactly where it went. right over there.
looks at the ethics board with my big wide autistic eyes and they say fineee you can do human experiments and i say YAYYY :3 !!!!!!!
skips out of the room with my lab coat billowing behind me and a vial of green liquid in my hand
(via bluescreen-puppy-dot-com)
LMAO my cat be like ♡
Submitted by Anonymous
Date a girl whose hair looks like cotton candy, and also might be cotton candy
help I can never fall asleep when my girlfriend and I nap together because she’s way too pretty and I wind up staring at her & thinking about how much I love her the whole time