Rose_Tea's Bulletins
Apparently at some point when my now-girlfriend and I were flirting with each other but not quite in a relationship, she asked me how I feel about pet names, to which I respond, "Well you have to call them something." The fact that I ended up in a relationship is really testament to my girlfriend's patience.
Doctor: $140,000 a year.
Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year.
Let's play 2 truths 1 lie, I'll go first...
I've k1lled a man, I will k1ll again, and it burns when I pee.
Chemistry, more like cheMYSTERY, because I have no Idea what's going on!
I walk into Rose's kitchen one morning, Matcha's sitting there at the table, and he looks at me and he goes, "Poker, I have a question for you. What's a hooker?"
"... What did you say...?"
"What's a hooker?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"I was watching HBO, and there was a commercial called 'Hookers at the Point'. It said this Saturday, at 11:30, check out all the hookers! What's that mean?"
"It means we're going out Saturday..."
"What's a hooker?"
"Let it go, kid."
"Tell me!"
"You don't need to know."
"TELL ME!"
"Matcha, that's for adults!"
You said I was an adult!"
"I said you eat like an adult! And what you do in the bathroom, you are grown up, trust me... But you don't need to know what a hooker is." He throws a fit in the kitchen!
"Hooker! Hooker! Hooker! Hooker!"
"What are you doing...?!"
"Hooker!" He won't stop, I don't know what to do! So I snapped!
"QUIT IT!" And he stopped... And apperantly his mom heard that! And as soon as I yelled, oh, my god... He went from being my son, to my boss's little cub once again. And here vi come from the other side of the house, mama lion to protect vyr little you know... "*lion roar*" I can see vym coming. "*high pitched girly scream*"
"*yet another lion roar* WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT MY BABY?!"
"Omygawd! He wants to know what a hooker is."
"And that's why you're yelling...!?" Tears, right? "You said if he had any question, he could come to you!"
"I didn't know he was gonna ask me that..."
"You said, don't worry baby, I'm the man, I'll take care of it!"
*awkward silence*
Tell him!"
"Are you serious...?"
"Tell him, now!"
*deep, deep sigh* "Matcha, you wanna know what a hooker?"
"YEAH!"
"Those are your mom's friends."
(from Gabriel Iglasius)
Fallen Leaves just asked if I wanted to, "Fell the mighty before their time and display their carcasses in our homes."?!
I'm a little worried, send help...
(Macha's sixteen years old in this story)
I'm not mad that my son is fat, I'm mad that he does fat shit. I'm mad because I got caught the other day. I had just finished eating, I was sitting on a park bench. I had just finished my food, I was doing so well. Here come my fatass son down the park path.
"Mom!"
I said, "What, Machy?"
He dropped his voice like Dio in Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. He said, "I smell something..."
You know my fatass son sat his ass down on the bench, looked around, took two crumbs off my shirt, rubbed them together, watched the crumbs fall... *sniff* *sniff* Sniffs the air... My son looked right at me and said:
"Mom, was that spicy chicken, extra chipotle sauce with shredded cheddar cheese, sour cream, and brown rice in a flour tortilla?"
I said, "Wait a minute!" He said:
*sniff* *sniff* "was it cut in half?"
Now wait a minute you fat bastard! I want you to tell me how the fuck you can smell if a burrito is cut in half! Who the fuck does your fat ass work for? CSI in the food Division?!
(Story from the Laugh Factory)
F is for friends who do stuff with out you
Just brainstorming some bugs for an Eevee evolution.