i just,,, I usually get embarrassed of what i google up, so when i google something like my favorite HSR character, i would go to fandom, search the wiki then find the character’s page-
Just posting this cause I don't really know anybody else who has this problem. I've been dealing with it for years now and I don't know if it's an autism thing or what.
I always get really nervous when I'm looking specific things up, to the point where I get actually sweaty doing it sometimes. Particularly anything that revolves around musicians/bands that I enjoy. I have this weird deep fear that I'll find out something I didn't want to know, I guess? Like a musician I like turning out to have done something terrible, or to have died in some tragic way (which I often already know about but don't want to look into more, I'll get sad). So because of this I'm left out of the loop on most "lore" things surrounding bands I like unless I happen to stumble upon a video about them or hear things through the fandom grapevine.
... Does anyone else do this? Or even just vaguely relate to it?? Or am I just embarrassing myself a little by posting this??? My best friend who is also big on older music is the opposite of me because she will dive deep into her research, scour through websites, watch documentaries, read entire books, etc. I feel kind of jealous of her because she knows so much more than I do. Makes me feel like a fake music fan :(
If anyone has found good ways to solve this problem let me know. I suppose I might as well force myself to research at some point...
I thought I was alone in this, maybe because when I was little I searched up pit-bulls and a certain city related to them popped up and I clicked on it. To this day, I still am hesitant to search things like certain countries to avoid being blasted with horrific results.
(don't recommend, it was just a bunch of dead dogs and puppies from a breed ban)
I used to avoid reddit like the plague because of a certain subreddit to the point I'd get an intense fleeing and fighting response but nowadays I can browse it just fine. I'm proud for overcoming that trigger but it was HELL. To the point I'd refuse to click reddit links even if they were tame simply because I'd got really unwanted thoughts of what that subreddit was possibly posting.
i genuinely hate looking up stuff about my interests or consuming any media about it because like . idk how to even explain it but I'm super possessive of them. don't want to hear what other people think about it, don't wanna hear that other people like it, I don't even like knowing that other people KNOW about it.
and that results in a lot of weird avoidance behaviors like being super secretive about what i like, not engaging with fandoms or discussions, hell i can't even look up songs i like on youtube because i don't wanna see the view count