Snapple

Snapple is... a bit of an enigma to those around him. No one seems to be able to find out anything about his past, not even his real name. He's incredibly intelligent and creative, but never seems to put that energy into the right places. He has an elaborate package of lies on his government papers about his financial and marital standings, which grants him a large sum of money every month - though, this money is typically spent on services from sex workers and occasionally booze and drugs. It's rumored that he has two illegitimate children from different women somewhere in California, though the actual number could be far higher. His magnum opus is SOFIA, a humanoid robot he created for the sole purpose of making him grilled cheese - though, an assortment of glitches in their system have granted them the capacity to destroy a small country under the right circumstances. His life is truly a mystery to everyone around him, but his bubbly personality and boundless energy are infectious, causing others to be drawn to him in a strange way.