The Witch

BYRDBLOOD

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2 years, 9 months ago
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BYRDBLOOD
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Germie, The Witch

??? yrs . she/her . entrepreneur

The Witch is a huge alien with an upper half resembling a hedgehog and a grotesque lower half resembling raw intestines - the latter, of course, typically hidden under the floor of her shop. She is constantly hooked to a series of large tubes that distribute blood into (and through) her body. She sells "curses" to desperate clientele looking for impossible miracles.

Oh, you flatter me, dearie! I take great care in my products, it's true, it's true. It's just such a shame some people don't take care with the fine print - I can't be blamed if you're not prepared for your own consequences, you know! These are not your run of the mill spells, they are curses, and they are as dangerous as they are powerful if you're not smart enough to handle them properly!

Is that a photo? Hand it here, hand it here, let me get my old eyes on it. Ahh - little miss Rahael! Oh, I remember her clearly. Such steely eyes. Such a striking shade of blue, too! (Although I quite like the yellow better, don't you? Ho ho ho!) Such an interesting, intelligent little girl, and such a short-lived species - it's no surprise she came to me. She tried so desperately to hide her fear from me, the poor dear, but I do have a nose for these things. You can't hide from old Germie! Germie knows, Germie knows! How else do you think I craft my products with such care, such skill? Curses are quite delicate, dear, when you're quite literally cheating - well, cheesing the universe, as the kids say, it wouldn't do good at all to have it backfire! Good heavens can you imagine! No no no, oh ho ho!

I heard little Rahael made quite the name for herself after buying my product! A few doctorates, more than a few patents for those little robots - even a few books, I've seen! So wonderful to add another successful client to the list, to the list! Oh ho ho ho! Of course I can't take all the credit, my beautiful little curse didn't make her little brain any foldier - she was a smart little cookie all on her own. No, no; I sold her time, dearie. I remember it like it was yesterday. I imagine she does, too! Did she tell you? "And you, the universe, will bear witness..."? I sold her all the time she could ever need, and probably quite a bit more. (Not that she'll outlive old Germie! Ha ah ha!)

Hmm? ...Well, yes, I suppose she does look a bit grumpy in this photo. A little paranoid, if I'm honest! But such is the price of greatness, is it not? If she's not happy with the results... I'm afraid I can't help. (Also quite rude of you to tell me in her stead!) I told her quite clearly when she made her purchase, just like I tell everyone else: no refunds, no refunds! She knew the price, dearie - I told and sold it to her well.

Oh ho ho, yes, yes... She knew the price...

But that's quite enough dwelling on the past, little reporter - let's look at the future! Your future, to be specific! I can tell you're not happy at your job, little thing - feeling a bit squashed, are we? A bit put down, not appreciated for your skills? Don't give me that look, it's plain as day; you're buzzing with energy and just squandering it away, asking a little old lady about ancient history! Good lord, think of the things you could be doing with that noggin' if you just pointed it in the right direction - if you had the freedom to! But that's freedom you won't have, dear, so long as you're just a normal John Doe - one of the powerless masses with all those nasty boots on your poor neck.

I think I have something that will change that for you, if you'll come take a look at this wall here... yes, right here, the shelf with the bottles! Lovely aren't they? Don't grab just yet, though! Oh ho ho! I love an eager beaver, but these aren't toys, so listen to me well before you go touching, touching, touching!

Don't worry about the price yet - let me tell you, first, how the right curse can make people listen to you, sweet little thing...