Bronze Age ($10)

"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill." -- Blade

A young sorcerer, raised in the darkest and blackest of magics, was never really any good at the killing and stealing souls. A kind-hearted mage, his lessons always ended up just a little off; the spells cast flawlessly, but no presence of evil or malice.

Such was the case with the Retriever spell.

Designed to make a metal construct with an unerring will to travel any distance and overcome any hardship to kill, or very painfully retrieve for torture, Bronze Age was the result when this particular young mage tried to make one.

Bronze Age will perfectly fetch anything you've ever laid hands on, making sure you accept it from him, with absolutely no care for collateral damage, so be very careful what you say you "wish you had" at the moment, or you may find yourself up one random item you wanted at the moment and down one solid brick wall.