Momuss Hephas

just quickly addressing that this bio was written when i was 15/16, and while the characterisation certainly isn't as bad as it could've been, it's not particularly nuanced or respectful either - i do apologise for that!

2013 profile

Your name is MOMUSS HEPHAS. You are arguably the LUCKIEST and UNLUCKIEST troll alive, except that YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN LUCK.

You have a certain knack for BUILDING THINGS, from JEWELLRY AND FURNITURE to WEAPONS AND MACHINES. You sustain this hobby by COLLECTING SCRAP METAL that people throw into the ocean, though it's not often anything sinks down low enough for you to find. As a young troll, you pupated with FUCKED UP FEET to the point where they would've gotten you killed if you hadn't found a SHORTCUT. It's lucky your blood qualified you for seadweller anatomy; instead of surfacing, the shortcut lead to another cavern, in the far depths of the ocean. Here, you found your lusus and set up your hive, the water meaning you didn't have to use your feet too much anyway, only to steady yourself when you are working with your HAMMERKIND on your projects.

Less fortunately, all this means you are VERY, VERY FAR AWAY FROM OTHER TROLLS, and all you got from your computer was some asshole who bullied you into an ANTISOCIAL DOUCHE anyway. You’re not sure how he knew so much about you, but he did, and though you’re embarrassed to admit it but his persistence has lead you to the life of RANDOM ENCOUNTERS on TROLLIAN to make yourself feel better, even after he stopped. Every day you challenge yourself to lord anything you’ve got over whoever you find, for as long as it takes for them to DISCONNECT. You feel terrible about it, you kind of just wish you had friends. You do try sometimes but they generally just act rude in response, even when you do your best to keep the condescension to a minimum. You can’t help doing it just a little, it’s habit. Even the most subtle things that slip out end up pissing people off - it’s all kind of futile. At the end of every day you find yourself sitting in front of the hole you crawled out of, just in case another unlucky kid crawls out.

Apart from your metalworking and socialising, you sometimes enjoy COOKING. Partly because you can’t just pop down to the local PROVISIONS REPOSITORY and partly because it CALMS YOU, it’s one of the few perks of all your spare time. You are also partial to it because it allows you to use your GRATERKIND specibus – God do you fucking love puns. 

Your trolltag is highbornForgemaster and you talk in a dignified, vvell punctuated manner to better convey that you’re fucking great. :^)

What will you do?

tl;dr
Symbol: Greater than (<)
Name: Momuss (God of mockery, since everything about him is a little ironic and sad) Hephas (from Hephasteus, God of metalworking and sculpture – he also had fucked up feet and was a cyclops)
Handle: highbornForgemaster
Blood: Seadweller purple
Personality: Really really lonely, but he has an odd way of dealing with it along with some kind of mixed up inferiority complex. He’s also just kind of unintentionally rude which doesn’t help. He likes mechanics, metalworking and cooking.
Text: Uses proper grammar and punctuation, frequently uses big words just to show off. Replaces w and W with vv and VV, and brackets with < and >. He gives his emoticons a ^ as a nose and he loves great/greater puns.
Misc: Uses Hook line and sinker modus – once he selects an item, it just falls, but it’s really not very convenient when he lives in the depths of the ocean. Lusus is a gulper eel that also found its way out of the brooding caverns. Uses hammerkind and graterkind.
Title: Mage of Space
World: Land of Gravity and Frogs (it’s a much more complicated place than he’s used to, with a lot going on and lots of things to do. The thing is that the gravity is really powerful, so he’ll have to cooperate with the consorts to get anywhere, but when he does he’ll find it very interesting.)