Carson Holden

Personality - At first glance, Carson seems to be a really chill and lax guy. He seemingly goes with the flow and just accepts whatever is happening. He’s the type of guy who almost always has some sort of witty response or a sarcastic quip for a multitude of situations. Carson tends to be seen as the chill and snarky best friend, or rather twin brother to his more bubbly sister.  However, a lot of the time, those sarcastic quips tend to be targeted at himself and his seemingly poor luck. Carson has some self-worth issues that he is too busy ignoring. While it may not be something that is seen on a first glance, Carson is pretty self conscious. But rather than actually deal with his low self-esteem, Carson chooses to do what he does with most of his problems and just cope using humor. When it comes to facing his own problems, Carson tends to be a bit on the cowardly side and tries to just ignore them and joke about them rather than actually doing anything to actually remedy the problems. Carson tries to use humor and sarcasm as a coping mechanism as a way to make his problems feel less significant. He doesn’t have the confidence in himself to think that he can actually solve his troubles. So he just tries to skirt around them instead. He uses his consumption of anime, movies, and video games as a form of escapism. Carson tries to take his attention off of his insecurities and instead tries to put his mind to other things instead. To him, he’d much rather put his focus into things that he enjoys rather than thinking about the things he hates about himself. 

Carson is someone who tends to just go with the flow for things. He just accepts whatever is happening, rather than make a huge deal out of it and waste energy on trying to change the situation.  He tends to come off as aloof in some situations. He comes off as uncaring and cynical and he can probably be seen making another snarky remark. More or less, he can come across as an asshole. At his core, Carson has a good heart. Despite his sarcasm, he usually doesn’t point it at other people in a demeaning manner. He’s an empathetic person who will listen to people vent out their problems when needed. He’s a nice guy, but he doesn’t always end up showing that. Rather, he tends to elect to appear standoffish. Carson doesn’t try to hide his good heart. It’s just something that tends to take the background to the traits that his insecurities are pushing. However, the closer he gets to someone, the more the walls break down and he shows his good traits more. Carson has a somewhat dark sense of humor, despite what his appearance may make others think. His sarcasm and most used jokes tend to involve belittling himself or saying depressing things sarcastically. He thinks pretty lowly of himself, and his way to ignore his insecurities is by turning them into jokes so they don’t matter as much. Though, it doesn’t work really well and makes him come off as pretty depressing. 

Constantly, Carson has been compared to his twin sister. The two are nothing alike, and they’re their own separate people. This is at least what Carson believes. The majority of his insecurities stem from the comparisons to his sister throughout his life. Most of the time, they made him feel lesser than her. She was always winning some sports trophy, was always going to people’s birthday parties, and getting older, she was always the one who had more people know and like her. He constantly felt like she was everyone’s favorite and he was just the extra. Growing up being compared to his sister in, his opinion, a less favorable light really started to make Carson think that he was just living in his sister’s shadow. It made him grow up constantly not being sure of his identity and self-importance. Was he just the shadow of his sister? Was he the lesser twin? These were things he’s thought since he was a kid, and Carson grew somewhat bitter towards Colleen for this. Deep down, he knows this is unfair since Colleen isn’t to blame for this, but he can’t help but still feel bitter that she’s the one that everyone seemingly favored so much. He grew to be jealous of Colleen and all of her friends. Socializing and talking to people came so naturally to her, while it was something he struggled with. When with his sister, Carson tends to be slightly more on edge. He tends to be even more standoffish than usual, and his responses a bit more short. However, despite his jealousy and bitterness towards her, Carson does love and care for his sister. At the end of the day, he is her big twin brother and he tries to look out for her. He wants to protect her if he can, and when she’s hurt, Carson will always be the shoulder for his sister to cry on. He may not be good at it, but he’ll do whatever to comfort her. 

Despite the care he has for his sister, he still does what he can to try and distance himself from her. Whether it’s from dying his hair to not look like her, from having a completely different style than her, to even pushing his more sarcastic side to contrast her bubbly side. He wants the comparisons to stop, so he tries to make himself seem like more of his own person and is apart from her. This has made Carson pretty independent. He’s someone who is content with being alone and can manage on his own. He doesn’t need to lean on someone else to get himself out of a situation (if he even tries to get out of it). He is pretty smart and clever. Carson tends to play a lot of tactical RPGs, so he is someone who tends to be a good planner with a strategic mind. However, this isn’t something Carson takes use of too much. Carson tends to be a level head when it comes to his friend groups, or even between him and his sister. If a situation becomes dire and people start to freak out, Carson tends to stay calm. Despite not thinking very logically when it comes to his own personal problems, Carson tends to be a good problem solver and pretty perceptive when it comes to outside situations. However, due to his insecurities, he isn’t always sure with what he thinks up. He also doesn’t like to take the leadership position because he doesn’t have the confidence in his plans and being able to be a sufficient leader. Rather, he tends to play a supporting role. To him, it’s what he’s basically done all his life. And while he wants to get away from comparisons to his sister, he also doesn’t want the spotlight coming onto himself.  

Despite being more level headed and rational when situations become dire, Carson still has a pretty pessimistic view. Leading up to different situations, he always assumes the worst before the outcome is even in sight. He tries to pass it off as being a realist, but it doesn’t really fool anybody. He pretends to do so just to “keep his expectations in check.” Though really, this tends to stem from his more sour outlook on himself. Carson tends to feel that he has pretty bad luck. Maybe it’s true or maybe it’s not, but Carson believing in this terrible luck tends to make him see things as in a glass half empty way. At the end of the day, Carson is just kind of a coward. Instead of actually trying to deal with his insecurities, he tends to just run away from them. He tends to just let situations that deal with his feelings to just sit and he doesn't do anything about them, rather he just lets them play out without interference. This includes when he likes a guy. Carson may make jokes about referencing having a crush, but he doesn’t do anything about it due to the fear of getting rejected and just feeling worse about himself than he already does.  Carson does acknowledge his faults, however despite that, he doesn’t do anything about them. And it’s almost like it’s self-sabotage. At his core, Carson isn’t a bad guy. He’s a pretty easy going person. However he tends to bring himself down. Naturally, he is the funny and chill friend who has all the quips to fire off, however due to the insecurities that he believes that he’s just a shadow of his sister, Carson has made himself to be this pessimistic and standoffish guy. And instead of bettering himself, Carson chooses to run away and escape into things like anime or video games as a way to ignore his insecurities.

Backstory - Growing up, Carson tended to keep to himself more. While he was friendly and played with the other neighborhood kids from time to time, it wasn’t his favorite thing to do. In this way, he was completely different from his sister, Colleen, who was a social butterfly. Rather, Carson much preferred to stay inside watching reruns of Pokemon or playing Mario Kart by his lonesome. He wasn’t one to enjoy socializing or playing any sports like his sister. Carson kept to himself and Colleen was the twin who tended to have more eyes on her since she was more outgoing. But even since they were kids, people would compare Carson to his sister a lot. And these were pretty harmless on the surface. People asking why he didn’t join a sport like his sister or why he didn’t want to play with the other kids like his sister. However, while at first things like this were somewhat innocent, having this happen constantly and having this start when Carson was an impressionable kid made him start to think that people just liked his sister better than him. These comparisons never really ended either, and just kinda got worse as they got older. In school, Colleen was always a part of the in crowd. She was someone who always had a lot of friends and was always really well-liked. Carson on the other hand was more of an outcast. He had his group of friends that he shared interests with, but Carson was a part of the geekier crowd and the people that tended to be lower on the social chain in school. And of course, high school kids being high school kids, his group wasn’t treated the best by others. But even then, the comparisons to his sister got worse. Other kids were cruel and did it as a way of putting Carson down and his sister up. Especially when Carson started to gain weight while his sister stayed fit, people made comments about how Colleen was the pretty one. These things started to really get to Carson as his insecurities from being inferior to his sister started to grow more and more. He started shutting himself away more, escaping from having to deal with the comparisons. He also started to become more bitter towards his sister as they got older, which made him really conflicted because she was never the one saying any of those things and would stand up for her brother if she heard someone putting him down. However, the damage was already done. And while Carson does love his twin and is protective over her like a brother is, he still can’t help but feel jealous that she’s seen on a higher level than he is. He’s become more standoffish and cynical towards her, even though it isn’t her fault. And while deep down, he knows it isn’t her fault, he can help but be overcome with jealousy that his sister is so liked. Even online with her big following, Colleen is still liked and thought highly upon by random people that don’t even know her. But in the grand scheme of things, Carson feels he’s basically non-existent. 

Likes- Anime; video games; sarcasm; movies; cuddling; gummy bears; dark humor

Dislikes -Any type of bug and insect; alpha males; sports; horror; crowded spaces; being compared to another person; exerting too much energy