Bambert

• his glasses ARE the eyes. they emote like them. im sorry for no ref... but if he were to take off his glasses hed have little tiny dots underneath
• microphone and headset is optional i think
• draw him being mutilated

Bambert was born to two unimportant parents 41 years ago. He was almost a nobody, just your average nerd who gets bullied, shoved into lockers, glasses broken, the like, except for the fact he already had many, many, exboyfriends by the time he was in middle-school. And also he found being bullied and harmed and such attractive, if it was by someone who he found was a suitably attractive partner. 

He met some pretty boy, Bambrute, who protected him from being bullied, despite being a bully themself, and decided that was his next target of affections. He brought them flowers to ask them to go to a dance with him, which unfortunately had bees inside, and he got stung by them, running around and swelling up due to his allergies, but they found this funny, and accepted his advances. They continued to date throughout high-school, and got married as soon as they graduated.

Bambert and Bambrute both got jobs at the same place : a boxing arena. Bambrute became a boxer because she was good at fighting and liked beating the shit out of people, and Bambert was assigned the announcer, due to his interest in sports commentary. Sometimes he’s the referee though, when the actual ref is not there. His announcing is rather biased, much favoring his wife over whoever he’s going against, passive-aggressively insulting the other party, which often is Bambox, due to their rivalry. 

But as Bambert is oblivious, he does not realise he really makes people angry with his announcing. This leads to Bambug despising him, and attempting on his life, though never succeeds, as for some reason unknown, he just Gets Better when injured, unless his body is broken beyond repair or literally shredded into pieces.

Due to Bambert’s obliviousness, he often makes unwanted advances on men (or people he assumes are men) that he finds attractive. Several targets have existed, most notable being Bambinky, who is incapable of any form of attraction, and Zambo. Both of them attempted to kill him, but this just made him more excited. In Zambo’s case, Sidney was the one who got rid of him, by hitting him repeatedly with a bat, which he did not find attractive, and then hitting him away like a baseball. In Bambinky’s case, it destroyed the restaurant Bambert and Bambrute were visiting and they got kicked out. 

You’d think his wife would be upset by his advances on other men, but she really, really, doesn’t care. She doesn’t have the capacity in her brain for jealousy.