Raised by an evil pirate captain to be an evil pirate captain, but they also have a little brother named Micah eyeing the position, but Ira was born first so why should that matter? The firstborn is the one that gets to be captain lol. But it turns out their little brother actually knows how to read and do math and stuff and in general has just been a lot more impressive than Ira throughout their childhood which pisses Ira off. Micah thinks Ira is stupid as hell and should just give up but they don't which pisses Micah off. Mom refuses to pick one or the other which pisses both of them off.

The two go on what's supposed to be a really long voyage but are attacked by a sea monster, and Micah uses this as an opportunity to kill Ira by pushing them into the beast's mouth, leading to Ira getting swallowed whole. Turns out Ira had a return pearl (a surprisingly uncommon occurrence for them) and is able to get back to Driftwood in one piece. Absolutely pissed, Ira runs away to cry in the bossom of a sympathetic (read: financially compensated) prostitute and to beat up some drunks until Ira eventually forgets why they were upset in the first place. Though they try to go home and that reminds them of what happened and they get pissed again. Now Ira lives in the basement of a tattoo parlor doing whatever the hell they want (as usual) while plotting ways to kill their brother when he gets back or something like that.