Profile
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information |
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| full name | germ stonoga |
| gender / pronouns | he/him , cis (gnc) guy |
| role | vocalist for none |
| age | mid 20s |
| sexuality | gay |
| ethnicity | polish |
| height | 6'3 / 195cm |
| birthday | july 7 |
| likes | - electronic devices - himself - his fans - cooking - girly pop music (he will never admit this) - fish sticks |
| dislikes | - stupid people - small talk - people trying on his glasses - porcelain dolls - people poking his back - oatmeal |
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base info
he’s probably the one you’d want to hang around the least. on the surface he seems very elegant and well spoken, but in reality hes really bitchy and snarky and cynical and overall just unpleasant to talk to. its hard to get along well with him due to how critical he can be. hes quite narcissistic and wll tear you apart if you even try to criticize him.
despite his mass amount of negative traits, he is very dependable. he always shows up to places and events on time, and he always follows through with promises. in fact he hates it when people arent dependable ... hes actually a pretty good friend to have if you can stand him (and he can stand you) - he cares a lot about the people he's close to, you just really have to notice the little things he does to try to show it. he'll always have your back
he is around c1 in proficiency in english... hes got a very noticeable accent and says some odd things sometimes but overall gets along fine . he pretty much only speaks in polish to vern when its just the two of them though
part of the reason why none kicked off so quickly was because germ used to be the frontman and vocalist for a different (and pretty popular) band which i will talk about in the backstory section. as a frontman and vocalist once again it is very clear he loves the attention. none is more special to him than his old band ever was though :p
he and vern currently live in a big concrete house towards the outskirts of *insert city here* (sorry), where you can see a highway from the yard. the house is barely even a house, honestly. its always freezing, smells like must and concrete and is overall just in bad condition. im sure they have enough money to live somewhere nice, but theyre both just a little deranged and really enjoy the rough condition somehow... its definitely a downgrade from the house they had in poland.....
most band practices take place there!
backstory
* i have just recently made the big change converting all my ocs from splatoon to my own original thing so this section still isnt as great as it could be . apologies
this info is the same in both germ and verns bio okay.
i also cant figure out how to change the text colour of the button sorry!!!!
anyways. germ and vern do not have parents and materialized from some otherworldly entity thing and they have existed for thousands and possibly millions (but probably just thousands) of years okay. they dont quite remember how long its been so it doesnt matter too much. anyway. they havent been humans the whole time though and have been many many many different things in the past, mostly animals but theyve been plants a few times too. whenever one of them dies the other does as well and they just reincarnate into something new again. they also keep most of their memories when they reincarnate but theyre not crazy detailed and memories from super long ago are pretty hazy like how you can only remember some small things from your early childhood and you remember more and more about recent times if that makes sense. theyre both very nonchalant about it all and could probably help with a lot of scientific things but they also both think its hilarious to just keep it all to themselves. plus nobody would ever believe them anyway.
they were only humans one other time before, in the era when the black plague was killing trillons of people a day and they considered it to be the worst lifetime theyd lived so they never ever tried being humans again until just recently, leading us to current day. also not to mention from the perspective of a wild animal or plant humans do not seem that nice! they were someones pet cats once though
just because theyve existed for some long does not mean theyre are super insanely wise though, for one; as i said theyd only been humans once before (a very long time ago)
and for another; they may carry the memories but they dont carry the intelligence if that makes sense. they remember having the instincts of animals but they dont have them now because theyre humans. they (as people, right now) arent a gazillion years old, either okay. i know some weird people are going to try to justify some weird shit someday. vern is still 100000% a minor okay. theyre just regular guys right now and dont have ANY special superhuman abilities and can get sick and hurt and everything just like you and i. they actually forget about their reincarnations very very often. please dont think of them as magical all knowing beings. theyre literally just guys
some little bits of trivia about this whole ordeal:
- germ reincarnates very fast but it takes vern a little while to show up. thats why germ is always older
- their personalities have generally been the same throughout every lifetime ... like verns always been calm and germs always been aggressive . there is a lot more i could say about this but im not going to right now
- when they die they temporarily become stars while deciding what to be next . they communicate telepathically somehow i dont know . stars dont use language . ask them about it and theyll just shrug at you
- vern was always female in every single other life before now. but you know how theres some creatures who fully change their sex (eg. some fish) . right. whenever that was an option he'd switch to male
- they are both sterile
- their last name (stonoga) is the polish word for millipede (and centipede but thats irrelevant) because thats what they were right before being people. they died because vern got run over by a car when they were crossing the road
- theyve always stuck together and i think something bad would probably happen if they split up . but they dont have any desire to whatsoever so its not like theyre consciously preventing anything
okk so i bet youre wondering . were they ever tiny kids or anything like that like wtf is going on. i need you to just hear me out okay i know this sounds insane okay. basically . oh ym god this is so hard to put into words!!! they sort of just appear at a specific stage in life with a life already set if that makes sense . they had a house and everything they needed like they were in school and people knew who they were despite the fact that they didnt actually exist before then . nobody has ever though anything was suspicious
its like the world truly does revolve around them
okayyyy so originally he lived some old town in poland. havent decided where specifically yet . dont know what he did for school or any of that shit its too hard for me to think about right now . anyway . he worked as an electronics technician
then he and vern moved to canada and he worked at some crappy cd store for a few months until he went back to doing what he went to college for . this is how he first met stef, they were coworkers and wanted eachother dead for real. honestly in the beginning it was mostly stef starting things and being the real asshole here but germ didnt take any of his bs so of course nothing between them ever went nicely . their boss actually made quite an effort to try not to schedule them to work together but since it was a crappy place and only like 1 other person worked there they were more often than not stuck together . now dont start thinking this is some cheesy story where they eventually learn to like eachother, no, germ quit before he even got accepted anywhere else and leeched off of lexi (see next paragraph) for a few weeks because he just couldnt deal with stef anymore
anyway while all that was happening germ was the vocalist for a heavy metal band started by his then boyfriend, a train maintainer named lexi... along with two of their other friends , jet and marcie
baaaasically lexi was extremely condescending and despite their relationship starting out well and staying good for a while over time lexi became more and more manipulative . but because germ is not a pushover whatsoever he was not much nicer back to him
anyways the band got pretty popular in the region
germ and lexi eventually broke up after probably getting into a brutal physical fight or something like that. (i think this may be the cause for germs scars... i still dont know) but they continued to keep the band going because the popularity was too rewarding. everything kinda went to shit between the two of them and jet and marcie never intervened because they had other things to deal with i guess
shit went on... yadda yadda... the conflicts finally ended because marcie died out of nowhere. on one hand it impacted germ pretty badly of course , but on the other hand lexi disappeared completely and the two of them never spoke again. jet stuck around for a while still though
alriiight so some time went by and germ and stef bumped into eachother somewhere somehow and decided to reconcile (theres probably more to this but i havent thought about it enough sorry . mostly just that stef was a nice person now and was like dawg i am so sorry can we be friends and germ was like ok. i gues.) soooo then the earliest version of none came into existence, nameless and with jet as the bassist . she didnt stick around for very long though
relationships
vern
brother!!
their bond is incredibly strong since theyre spiritually linked for all of eternity... but whatever.... they're rarely apart and quite literally could not survive without eachother. plus, germ is the only person vern will speak to. they argue and make fun of each other a lot still though because thats just how siblings are ♡
stef
even though they hated eachother when they first met they now consider themselves to be best friends, but its so obvious that they are straight up just in love with eachother. they both get really angry and defensive if anyone asks if theyre dating but they act so sappy and romantic its a little ridiculous. they kiss so much and (i cant bring myself to type it but im sure you can figure out what goes here) at least twice a week but still keep denying everything.... okay guys if you say so i guess....
they sure do argue a lot though , germ is the way he is and stef gets all fired up verrryyyyy easily... but overall their relationship is pretty healthy and passionate
murry
their relationship is a little strange... they are friends of course but in all honesty germ is a little intimidated by murry simply because theyre the only person who really truly will not put up with his bs, but he's never going to admit that. they've actually made him feel guilty a few times which is a pretty big deal..... hes never able to get himself to argue back either......
trivia
hes got a weird ass laugh and its really really loud and usually startles anyone in his vicinity. the way he screams (like from being startled) is also pretty hilarious
he is very severely farsighed..... the lenses of his glasses are super thick and he gets a headache from reading too much small print
he played the oboe in highschool anddd still does to this day actually . he is very good at it
he can also play the theremin. he owns three
aside from music, he messes with electronics as a hobby. if theres ever some old broken stereo, tv, computer..... that kind of thing, on the side of the road he takes it home and picks it apart. he makes a lot of weird amalgamations out of the things he collects. the house is just full of the insane things he’s put together . anything he hasnt made something out of always at least has the outer plastic casing torn off of it revealing all the little inside bits. the only spots in the house that are free of these things are the bathroom and verns room...
hes surprisingly quite good at drawing but the only thing he draws is these genuinely scary looking little faces on napkins or paper scraps or whatever and he always throws them out and wont ever accept compliments about them
dont say anything about the fact that his name is an english word despite him being a native pole okay i dont want to talk about it. you know what actually im thinking maybe germ isnt actually his real name but theres not a lot of polish names starting with g that really stand out to me . i kind of like galiczyn though
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