Jean getting arrested was a huge burden in his family’s lives. It’s unknown as to how it affected Carter’s parents or Millie, but she and Lloyd both got therapy and Carter got horribly depressed. Jean was the glue to many relationships and was a ray of sunshine that everyone used to brighten their day, however with each passing day, that had just been draining Jean more and more. He wanted to see his loved ones happy, yet he didn’t want to be deemed selfish by taking a break because in some cases like taking care of his brother, it was inevitable.

While Millie lost her job and ended up in a financial crisis, you could say that Carter was hurt the most. Before Carter met Jean, he was nothing except a loser for the older kids to pick on. As elementary school went on, he found himself feeling worse and worse and nothing could truly heal him. He’d play video games and read but it was never a satisfactory distraction. His senior year of high school was similar. His hobbies weren’t the same without his best friend joining him.

It’s a good thing that Jean met Carter when he moved, otherwise there was no being said as to what might’ve happened to him after moving and starting a new school with a different level of work. Carter fell in love with Jean at first sight, though it’s unknown as to whether it was romantic or platonic. The blond didn’t know either, but despite how much he liked how handsome Jean was and how nice he treated him, he was very pessimistic and believed he was at a point where he didn’t even deserve a friend. Though, when Jean refused to leave his side and would hype him in ways like telling him he was smart or beautiful, Carter had never been happier.

So, when Jean got arrested in March of their senior year, he didn’t know what to do. He believed they’d be together forever. Not to mention, Carter had been so happy with Jean and realized he had taken certain things for granted, so much that he didn’t even remember the last time he’d felt alone or abandoned, or how depressed he was before he met his best friend.

He was embarrassed about leaning on his parents because he didn’t want to come clean about how he had started feeling about Jean. While he missed his voice and his kindness, he also missed oddly descriptive things like the way he fit perfectly in his arms or the feel of his lips, which were things he hadn’t thought about since they had dated in middle school.

Carter hated the thoughts but eventually gave in, realizing that he had feelings for him again. He wasn’t too happy about it since it just made him miss Jean even more, but it helped him realize that what happened in eighth grade wasn’t just an experiment to be brushed aside, or an experiment that helped him figure out that he didn’t like boys. It was the complete opposite.

It took Carter a long time to figure out what was supposedly wrong with him, but when he finally did, everything started making sense. When he was a kid, he didn’t know why he was being bullied or what they saw that he didn’t, but they must’ve been able to tell that he wasn’t straight. Carter can’t remember doing anything that made him stand out, but it’s what made the most sense. It would also explain why he dreaded having sex with Maya. While part of it was because she pressured him into it, it was just uncomfortable and didn’t feel right. Truth is, he would’ve rather shared that intimate moment with Jean.

While Jean getting arrested opened Carter’s eyes, he noticed his feelings resurfacing after that night with Maya too. However, he tried not to think much of it and just like Jean would do, suppressed them. I guess that creates the question as to why Carter didn’t break-up with Maya before it got to that point. Dating her made him feel normal, and he also gained more popularity points for dating a cute girl. Carter’s also a softie and didn’t want to hurt her feelings, despite her being a bit hardcore which is likely why Carter liked her a bit. She was similar to Jean, but I use that sentence lightly.

Maya was clingy and the longer she dated Carter, the more she didn’t like how close he and Jean were. She never outright said that she didn’t like Jean, but she would often drag them away from each other. An example would be them going to the mall together. It was usually a mixed group, but Maya would claim that it was a girl’s outing except that she was bringing her boyfriend, and therefore Jean couldn’t tag along.

She would plan lots of things in advance that involved either just her and Carter, or him and her friends so that he wouldn’t have time to hang out with Jean over the weekend. This isn’t really brought up, mainly because Jean didn’t want to ruin their relationship, but it’s one of the smaller factors that led to Jean’s explosion.

Not being with Carter all the time stopped him from being so obsessed, but also gave him more time to fantasize and get lost in his thoughts. He didn’t like that this girl was stealing his best friend from him. So once they had broken up, Jean was not only glad because Carter was single and ready to mingle, but also because there was no one intentionally trying to separate them.

It was good for Carter too because sadly, Maya’s tendencies had taken a large toll on his mental health. Even once Jean left, Carter thought he wouldn’t feel as horrible because he had a girlfriend who would comfort him and help him through everything, even if he wasn’t sexually attracted to her. Though it was very much the opposite.

Maya was sympathetic for one hot second before reverting to her usual self, and wanted Carter to do the same. She’d try and drag him to events and out into public, but there was no way in hell Carter was ready for that, especially since Jean was his right-hand man for that kind of stuff. But we know that Maya was ecstatic over Jean’s disappearance because now she really had Carter all to herself, but Carter neither wanted to be alone, nor with her.

Maya’s lack of sympathy made him feel worse and worse. Jean’s absence took him back to that dark place he was in before they had met, and his girlfriend’s indifference towards the whole situation continued to tear him apart.

Carter would spend all day in his room and when he would come out, it would only be after everyone had gone to bed. He’d sob on his floor or bed for hours, listening to music with his face buried in one of Jean’s shirts. He’d look through the photos of them together or even call him just so he could hear his voicemail greeting. Until his mailbox was full, he would leave messages, some of which Jean still has. He tends to drone on but as you play them, you can hear how hard he’s trying to hang on and how little he’s succeeding. Sometimes he’d cry himself to sleep, but he often couldn’t even sleep at all.

When his parents would tell him to wash up, he’d cry in the shower for at least an hour before they came to check on him and pull him out. Carter’s hair had never gone past his ears, but his looks were no longer a priority and thus it grew long, even covering his eyes. His room became a hot mess because he didn’t feel bothered enough to clean it and tended to destroy stuff during horrible meltdowns.

Unable to get him to leave his room, his parents would deliver meals and snacks so he would at least still eat. He started skipping school until he realized that if he wanted Jean to be proud of his achievements once his sentence ended, he’d have to graduate. However, he’d still take frequent breaks in class to calm himself down in the bathroom. His brain could only handle so much because his emotions would take over. He didn’t necessarily like how everyone in his grade, even Jean’s friends, could continue everyday life even with him gone, unlike himself. It was as if they had forgotten the week after he left, and he hated it. It was probably because Jean had changed Carter’s life and they were two peas in a pod, but it still wasn’t right. However, Carter managed to push through, driven by the thought of Jean being proud of him once he was finally free.

Of course, Carter eventually broke up with Maya, and it was ugly. He wished it could’ve been mutual, but Maya didn’t think she had done anything wrong, and therefore was pissed at Carter. She also tried to play the victim, but Carter wasn’t having it. She was draining the little will to live he had left like a vampire. They had split before prom, which was cold on Carter’s part, but she deserved it. He instead went with a few friends without a care as to what Maya was doing. He didn’t do it then because he didn’t want to have a date though. It’s because it was nearing graduation and they slowly but surely started having more free time and of course, Maya was trying to insert herself into all of Carter’s. And though it was two months after Jean’s departure, Carter was still just as broken as he was in March and wanted to be alone in his room.

Though when graduation came, it was finally summer, and he was done, he felt horribly alone. But it was his choice to break up with Maya, it was for the greater good, and he’d only feel comfortable if Jean was there with him.

Carter worked over the summer and prepared for college, but honestly didn’t talk to anyone. He’d often take time to cry in private, but he’d never go out of his way to make his friends or share his problems with anyone he knew, not even his parents. He was afraid of his dad judging him over him being so upset over his male best friend, and he didn’t want him nor his mom to think that he was gay. However, when his mom mistakenly washed Jean’s shirts and other garments that were left at their place and destroyed Carter for about a week, she went to Millie and got some replacements. He’d snuggle with both because it was something that made him feel warm and even without the scent, it was something of his friend’s that made him feel good.

Carter’s parents would try and talk to him about Jean, if he didn’t even acknowledge them, he’d just say, “Everything’s fine,” and walk off. Even with the mindset of making Jean proud in the future, his mental health continued to steadily decrease. He only kept going on because he wanted to see his friend again. He didn’t want Jean to get released and for him to hear that his best friend had committed suicide solely because he missed him. He knew Jean wouldn’t be able to handle that news in the same way he couldn’t handle the news of him getting arrested, but he also didn’t want Jean to feel guilty. Carter wanted to die, but part of his brain told him to stay alive for him.

If Carter had frequently talked to someone, he probably would’ve felt better, but he was embarrassed and conviced that no one truly understood the situation. Except for Lloyd, even though it was from a different point of view. To him, Lloyd looked more lost than sad. When they’d cross paths, they never knew what to talk about because there was no point in asking how they were because they were both depressed. When they’d meet, they’d never talk about Jean. They’d avoid his name like it was bad luck. The atmosphere was always thick, and they always shared an awkward wave with minimal eye-contact. That was until Millie lost her job.

Being good friends with Mrs. Hughes, Carter’s mom offered to take care of Lloyd while she was getting her financial situation sorted out and such. This started around the end of May, once Carter had already graduated. Lloyd had no problem fitting in since the Hughes had already known him for years, but between him and Carter, it was horribly awkward.

They were two introverts and often did their own thing, but they were miserable, so their typical hobbies were insufficient, and they didn’t know what to do. Like usual, Carter was in his room most of the time and Lloyd was usually either in the living room or in the basement. However, Carter’s mother came in once and told him to go hang out with the younger boy, knowing they were both distraught, but could comfort each other since it was over the same person.

Carter and Lloyd bonded a lot during that time before he went to college. A day when his parents had gone out, Carter joined Lloyd in the living room where the other boy was staring blankly at the TV screen, trying to gain some emotion other than emptiness from it. When the blond had sat down next to him not much was said for a while.

And then Lloyd quietly mumbled, “I miss him.”

And Carter glanced over, holding back tears, responded with, “I miss him too.”

And then he broke down, and so did Lloyd.

And they cried in each other’s arms for a really, really long time.

From that day on until Lloyd went back to his own house, they would hang out together like they would before, now just without Jean. They shared a lot of secrets and talked a lot about what they loved and missed about Jean. But once Lloyd left, they went back to barely speaking, mainly because Carter was going to work every day and wasn’t around.

Sadly, Carter's reliance on Lloyd eventually faded away, especially after Milie got another job and the younger boy returned home. He was back to being alone and it was like that until he went to college and met his dormmate, Aaron. Aaron was nice and despite never meeting him before, could tell Carter wasn’t himself and was going through something. However, the other guy tried not to draw attention to it and treated Carter as he would any other friend. Though that only lasted for so long because Carter would cry himself to sleep and have nightmares, which is also one of the reasons why he couldn’t sleep earlier in high school.

Though, one evening Aaron finally brought it up. He simply asked, “Are you okay?” And though Carter knew what he was referring to he said, “Yeah…why?” His friend brought up the nightmares, claiming that it wasn’t keeping him up, just that he was really worried about him. He didn’t want to force him to talk or anything, but he let Carter know that if he needed someone to talk to, he was willing to listen.

Carter was really reluctant at first, but he realized that if Aaron was really made uncomfortable by the whole thing, he could just switch dorms. So, the blond came clean, admitting that’d he lost his best friend who meant everything to him and completely turned his life around. He missed him and just when he thought he might start feeling better, he’d see or hear something or have a nightmare that would send him back to stage one.

Carter didn’t bring up his feelings towards Jean, or even his name, but Aaron could tell he felt really strongly about him, and he comforted him a lot as he vented. He didn’t judge and wasn’t bothered by Carter’s continuous wailing as he explained. In the end, despite being really embarrassed and feeling bad for talking so much, he felt better once he had talked to Aaron a little. Even though Aaron hadn’t experienced the same thing and he barely knew him, it didn’t feel like he was talking to a stranger.

After that night, the two of them began to connect more and Aaron was always free for whenever Carter needed to vent. He was the first friend the blond had made after losing Jean, and he finally didn’t feel alone. When Carter was able to leave campus, the two of them decided to rent apartments next to each other, just so if anything happened, they were still nearby.

After Aaron, Carter made a few other friends as well, but of course no one matched Jean. Aaron at times was more like a mentor than a friend which was fine, but he didn’t necessarily fill the void in Carter’s heart. Mainly because he wasn’t a fluffy haired white guy that he had fallen madly in love with him.