{ Kithood }

Pillarkit didn't have the best kithood growing up with her mother, although Woolcry loved her daughter with her whole heart, she struggled getting back on her paws after the loss of her mate, Pillarkit's father, and the two other kits she had lost, the grief weighed down on her, and with little to no support, especially as a new mother, it all took a toll on her already weak mental state to fully collapse, she began to have unpredictable outbursts with Pillarkit, constantly breaking down in front of her, and isolating herself from her kit and refusing to care for both her, and Pillarkit

Pillarkit didn't understand her mother's behaviours, one second she was loving and caring, the next yelling and crying to her uncontrollably, a lot of her mother's anger was taken out at her, seeing as there are no other cats for her mother to blame. It made her fear Woolcry, she found herself constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to upset her, afraid to irritate her, she had spent her entire time in the nursery den like this, begging to starclan her mother wouldn't wake up to see her struggling to fall asleep, fearful she'll berate her for misbehaving by "refusing" to fall asleep, she was hungry for freedom, counting the days where she'd finally be apprenticed and be free.

{ Apprenticeship }

Pillarkit was finally named Pillarpaw, the new apprenticed cat had been excited to start her journey to becoming a warrior, however disaster struck when the clan's lone Healer passed unexpectedly, being the latest apprentice, she was seen as the best option for the next Healer in line, Pillarpaw had refused to be apprenticed as a Healer, insisting on following her dreams to becoming a warrior, as free as can be, but no other cat was willing to step up for the role, initially, the clans acted fine with it, and Hummockclan went out without a medicine cat for a few moons, but inevitably, someone would fall ill eventually, and it ended up being Pillarpaw's mother, Woolcry

Woolcry's self neglect had finally taken effect, and with it came a raging sickness, Woolcry was admitted to the Healer with no-one to treat her, wasting away in the den alone. Pillarpaw, although she resented her mother for the way she had raised her, was horrified to receive the news, still, no other cat wanted to become a Healer, Pillarpaw watched from the apprentice's den as her mother deteriorated and become closer and closer to silverpelt, and had finally had enough, with the whole clan watching, Pillarpaw reluctantly gave away her dreams of becoming a warrior in exchange of the clan's safety and happiness, and her mother's health.

She was apprenticed under Cliffclan's Healer, Pebblefruit, alongside another apprentice from Taintedclan, Lastpaw. and although it took some time, Pillarpaw found herself enjoying using and learning about herbs, and the quiet of having a den all to herself in the Healer's den of Hummockclan. Lastpaw had been under a similar situation, her clan desperate for a Healer after their only one had passed, and Lastpaw, being much more timid and flunky than Pillarpaw, had agreed under the pressure, they bonded on their shared experience, their messy kithood, their complicated relationships with their respective moms, it was around this time Pillarpaw came to realize just how lonely she was, although she enjoyed peace and quiet, it was the first time she felt a proper healthy connection, she never had someone to trust and talk to before, and Lastpaw filled that unknown void in her, she found herself enjoying Lastpaw's company more and more, growing closer each passing moons as apprentices until, eventually, they began seeing each other romantically

Initially, she was nervous to start the relationship, but as time grew, she began almost... enjoying the thrill, she liked the adrenaline rush of almost being caught when she and Lastpaw were cuddling a bit too close, she started craving the risk of doing more and more with Lastpaw, she started neglecting her duties as an apprentice to stay as long as she can apprenticed on Cliffclan's territory, realising that being with Lastpaw is much more fulfilling than her life back on Hummockclan. They were both overlydependent on each other, going to an unhealthy extent.

After a long few moons of this however, Lastpaw was allowed to resign from being a Healer, as they welcomed a rogue Healer into Taintedclan, and would have no need to keep sending Lastpaw to Shaleclan. For the first time in a long few moons, Pillarpaw was alone. The lack of chitter chatter from Lastpaw drove her a bit insane, she had gotten used to her being in her routine.... desperate to distract herself from the silence, she looked around the medicine den to find something to do

now, she didn't know why she did this, but she snuck a poisonous herb into one of the clan member's meal, nothing dangerous, just enough to slow them down with a bellyache for a bit... nobody found out, initially, watching someone suffering from her doing had caused shame and guilt to bubble up inside her, and she swore she'd never do it again.... but she did, then she did it again, and again, and again. each time, the regret she felt would wash away more and more.

during this, she and Lastpaw had decided on making a schedule to meet up every once in a while, everything in her life without Lastpaw soon became static, and realising this, she started pushing to meet Lastpaw more and more, even if it brought up great risks of them getting caught or hurt, their dependency had evolved into obsession on one another

{ Healer }

Pillarpaw and Lastpaw's time as apprentices has now ended, it flew by much quicker than Pillarpaw had expected, and now, she is now bound to Healer's den of her own clan much more than it did as when she was an apprentice. Although she enjoyed collecting herbs and her privacy in the Healer's den, she hated the limits that come with being a Healer, it put too much restraint on her life, too little time for freedom, and much less time to meet up with Lastpaw, now Lastface. she decided she didn't want to be chained to her duties as a healer, and started breaking rules to meet up with Lastface again, it went on like this for moons until eventually, Pillarpelt grew bored of this too, Pillarpelt began to feel true resentment towards her clan for pushing her to be a healer, stripping her away of her freedom. and she started convincing Lastface to think the same as her clan as well, they both fantasized about taking revenge on how their clans had let them down, hurt them, strip them away off their choice, each time Pillarpelt and Lastface met, they'd talk about the ways they could slaughter the clan, ruin it... torture the members they disliked, it felt like everything was right for Pillarpelt and Lastface, Pillarpelt was convinced she'd end the clans and run off with Lastface

Her world shattered when Lastface broke the news to her, she didn't want revenge. in fact, she didn't feel much resentment for her clan, Lastface had been telling herself that she'd come around to the idea eventually.... but she didn't, and she just couldn't keep lying to Pillarpelt's face about what she wanted. Lastface had lied to her. Pillarpelt felt betrayed and hurt, and turned away from Lastface for a long while, Lastface begged for forgiveness, and while Pillarpelt tried to hear her out, Lastface had asked Pillarpelt to give her clan another chance, that maybe Lastface could move into Hummockclan with her, she just couldn't believe it, she had her hopes up so high, and Lastface had broken her trust. Lastface begged and begged and begged for Pillarpelt to turn back, that she was sorry, everything, and when Pillarpelt wouldn't turn back on her views on the clan, Lastface left her