Scrooge

(part of this xmas carol parody thingy im writing over xmas !!)

Reverand Ebony Scrooge

51yo

english 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

entj 

lesbian but is in denial💔

Everyone knows that Rev. Ebony Scrooge isn't the most virtuous pastor in the parish to say the least. Yet people still keep turning up to Sunday mass because they just can't keep away.

For a start she doesn't actually believe in god, she smokes and drinks, she's never actually read the bible properly, and most of all she hates Christmas each year.

She's a pretty unpleasant, (occasionally witty,) foul-mouthed, bitter and miserly person between stealing donation box money for herself and generally using her position as vicar to bend the community to her will. She does it so often that she's visited by three ghosts one Christmas Eve night .... 

MISCELLANEOUS FACTS: 

-she always gets lipstick on her teeth and neglects to wipe it off mostly because she never notices it. ☆(it's actually part of her design too !! if you're drawing her don't forget it.)

 -despite being a priest she's never actually sat down and read the bible properly before. the most she'll do is read a few pages at church since it's in her job.

-her hobbies outside of work include online gambling, shoplifting eyeshadow palettes and watching trashy tv.

-she's had botox done but she never tells anyone.

-she eventually has a change of heart after being visited by the three ghosts on christmas eve night💔💔 god i love a happy ending

-she's only a priest because of the money (even though there isn't much money in being a priest ... still, she likes the attention too)

QUOTES:

"What, Christmas? 'Cause it's a load of commercialised twaddle, and don't even get me started on the music. Bah humbug."

"You try getting up at 5am to preach every bloody morning to a congregation of old women who smell like mothballs and wee."

"I know I’m going to hell. Not to be dramatic or anything but I’ve actually tried to sell my soul for a packet of Rolos."

“Practice makes perfect. That and copious amounts of Gaviscon.”

"Well, you know when folk come to the confession box and they’re just blubbing and carrying on? Well, I like to be more direct. You know? “I’ve had an affair.” “Right. But did ye enjoy it?”

“Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone. But not the second, 'cos I’ve called dibs. God I love me some sinning.”

“Oh, yeah, sometimes I like to light a few incense sticks and have a glass of wine and chat to the Holy Spirit. Have a little heart to heart. Talk about how our lives are going. Nothing too serious; just me and the Big Man talking like old buddies. He’s quite the shoulder to cry on, let me tell you.”

"I'll have you know I've done everything I can to help this community. I was the one who brought the local youth club to the village hall. Which was a great success until it turned out most of the kids were taking coke."

“Creepiness? That’s a load of old tosh. The Virgin Mary’s seen me in some pretty questionable states – she probably finds it really funny. Just like the time I threw up all over the baptismal font.”