Everett

WIP

Everett Darlington

• They taught a nicotine quitting 41-year old how to hate fervently and ardently.
  • He's on patches but fails to stick to them regularly because of how much his clients smoke.
  • At this rate he should just double down and smoke twice as much.
  • Did you know crystal ashtrays hurt like a motherfucker when used as a weapon?
• Patronizingly referred to as 'Darling' by his clients, co-workers, and janitors alike.
  • Note: He is not a darling. 
• Criminal Defense Lawyer based in Queensland, Australia. His clients make him want to skydive without a parachute.
  • Notably not Australian at all. Appropriated the use of 'cunt' to maximum potential.
• Once divorced, will not be making it twice. He is a closeted gay man who married a closeted gay woman and then they realized that after serving papers.
• No discernible hobbies, hates music, has a stick up his ass. Only notable hobby of sorts is being a harsh critic of interior design, and a minor carpentry interest.
  • Smiled exactly once when his ex-wife let him buy a nice table. 
  • Did not get to keep the table in his move across the globe.
• In a complicated relationship with a Callaghan Kelly who he wants to hammer like a nail. 
  • No comments on his relationship with this man from the peanut gallery.
• He is 5'6" (167cm).