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SHADEPAW
INTJ-T
the curious cynic
the sort of cat who you don't notice unless he wants to be noticed, there's a quiet grace in the way shadepaw moves. a master at blending into the outskirts of any crowd, he knows that you don't always need to be heard or seen to be present. sharp eyes are constantly in motion, flitting to and fro in an attempt to discern as much as they can about the situation or their surroundings. as long as he isn't noticed or personally addressed, there's silent confidence in the way long limbs carry him, self-assured until he finds himself on the receiving end of conversation or attention.
when forced into a conversation, much of shadepaw's subtle grace dissipates; a cat prone to overthinking and rehearsing his words has a difficult time making smalltalk on the fly, and seems to also have a hard time maintaining eye contact when up close and personal. being perceived ruffles what composure the young tom has, and it's very easy to get the impression that he really doesn't want to be stuck in the same room as whoever's talking to him. the more he knows the other cat, the more at ease he seems, though there's always a bit of stilted awkwardness or formality to his chatter that he despises, though others may find it endearing.
though still as quiet and reserved as he used to be, shadepaw's grown enough to find his own niche within riverclan, even if recent events haven't been too kind to him. still quiet and polite around those that don't know him too well, he can end up more comfortable and casual around those that he considers friends. tealpaw and tigermoth are really two of the other cats who get to see shadepaw let down his guard and act more genuine, and he seems to only be growing more reclusive towards cats he doesn't know. he's getting better and better at masking his emotions to those he doesn't think need to know about them, partially because he's learned that he really, really hates being coddled or babied. he might be miserable, but he doesn't need cats that don't really care to fret or worry about him, and being pitied? he'd rather be ignored, thanks. as such, it tends to be pretty hard to read what he's feeling these days, expression usually remaining neutral and impassive.
he's had to figure out a lot on his own without tigermoth around, and though lilystream and lightbloom both offer their own insights where they can, there's still a lot for him to deduce on his own. learning to trust his own instincts and judgment hasn't always been easy, but it's something that's come with practice, and he'd like to think he's gotten pretty decent at it. curiosity still beckons him to try to learn or experience new things; he's become more prone to sticking his nose where it doesn't belong if he thinks some knowledge will benefit him in the long run.
tall, slender
scrawny, needs to eat
though all of his littermates were born with four ears, shadekit would be the only one to survive past the first few moons of life. though his parents fretted for his safety, shadekit would grow up healthy and seemingly uninhibited by this quirk, though that didn't mean some of his behavior wasn't... odd at times. caught staring at or conversing with things that didn't seem to be there, as well as the victim of strange dreams that often seemed to come true in some regards... shadekit didn't understand or mention certain oddities after learning that they made cats stare at you in funny ways, and kept strange hunches and visions to himself. one notable dream that featured his father bidding him a mournful farewell only ended when he was awoken by his mother with the news that his father had fallen over the side of the gorge and perished.
his mother doted upon him often as her only surviving kit, and perhaps moreso after the death of her mate, whispers of the strange, pale markings on shadekit's features and his oddities being 'kisses from starclan' enough to make a young cat ponder just what she meant. starclan had always seemed a strange, faraway thing to him, albeit one he found some interest in. his mother would not survive long enough to see him become an apprentice, unfortunately, taken when shadepaw was too young by the greencough pandemic that swept through the clans. left with more questions about the world than answers and with no cat to give him much answer, it would have been a lonely time in shadepaw's life if not for tealkit.
he found an unlikely friend in the bolder, louder kit; though tealkit was only a moon or so older than him, they were one of the coolest cats that shadekit had ever seen, and they didn't seem to think he was weird or stupid or lame. even if he fretted sometimes at the adventures that tealkit roped them into, it didn't stop him from tagging alongside his friend.
shadepaw was initially apprenticed to a young, ambitious riverclan warrior named floodcurrent. as a cat with a half-clan heritage and far too many devils on his shoulders, floodcurrent was desperate to prove himself a capable, worthwhile warrior of riverclan. the tabby's own apprenticeship under leopardstalk had imparted some very strict expectations and ideals, and to say he and shadepaw weren't the best fit together was an understatement. the young cat wasn't naturally talented at things such as hunting or fighting, and floodcurrent's lack of patience resulted in a tenuous relationship between mentor and apprentice. though shadepaw tried, his clumsiness earned floodcurrent's frustration, and shadepaw too grew frustrated when his mentor snapped at him and implied that shadepaw was lazy and stupid and not even trying.
a particularly vicious sparring session that ended in hissing and tears drove shadepaw back to camp early, despite floodcurrent's insistence they keep training. making an excuse to go to the medicine den to try to get away from floodcurrent, shadepaw's quiet conversation with local medicine cat, tigermoth, were meant to be a distraction at first, but quickly became topics of genuine interest when tigermoth was open to talking to the young cat. the conversation would end with shadepaw tentatively asking if tigermoth would take on an apprentice -- a job that shadepaw was genuinely interested in, even if he'd been driven here by fear and anxiety first. tigermoth's agreement led to shadepaw officially being named a medicine cat apprentice, at least to see how he fared in the role. while floodcurrent quietly seethed, calling shadepaw cowardly once in private, there was nothing he could do to change his former apprentice's new path.
though a bit nervous at first, shadepaw quickly grew to enjoy medicine cat work -- and even moreso, he found he was good at it. with a knack not only for memorizing herbs and their uses but also theorizing how best to use them in situations, he seemed a natural fit for the medical side of medicine cat work. and he grew to appreciate tigermoth's quiet, but not unwelcoming, presence as well, learning that he wasn't just a very smart cat, but a kind cat in his own way. and he seemed to appreciate shadepaw's fascination and willingness to learn and ask questions, too. rather than turning up his nose at morbid or grisly tasks, he was fascinated by a lot of it, including using the skeletons of long-dead animals to get a better understanding of bone structure and anatomy. tigermoth's views on subjects such as death and what came or didn't come after it also offered shadepaw new perspective. while tigermoth wasn't inherently religious and shadepaw's perception of starclan was still up in the air, the more physical aspects of death, and how it cycled back into life and served its own purpose, was some comfort to the young cat, especially after he'd lost both parents so young.
turmoil would find riverclan near the beginning of leafbare -- during the chaos that was stormgaze's attempted exile, tigermoth's father, leopardstalk, cornered tigermoth and shadepaw in the medicine den, forcing them towards a hidden exit and demanding both cats leave with him. though shadepaw didn't know leopardstalk's intentions, the look the elderly tom gave him sent chills down his spine. tigermoth mustered enough courage to attack his father and urged shadepaw to run, sending the frightened apprentice skittering away. finding tealpaw hiding outside of camp, the two apprentices quivered together. by pure happenstance, a windclan apprentice named songpaw found them, and requested their aid with a medical emergency in windclan. spending the night there and hesitantly informing windclan leader lightningstar of riverclan's situation, they were escorted back to riverclan. while initially relieved that the tension in the clan had died down, shadepaw was horrified to find his mentor, and leopardstalk, missing.
left mostly on his own, though clanmate lilystream and thunderclan medicine cat lightbloom offered advice and help where they could, shadepaw grew more reclusive, lonely and worried for his mentor's safety with each passing day that brought no word or sight of tigermoth. he didn't think it was possible to miss any cat quite so much, and though he's not sure if starclan is really listening... he prays an awful lot for tigermoth's safe return, hoping that somebody, that anybody, is listening.
