Nil

(Link to FR here)

The thrashing had nearly stopped, leaving him a panting mess on the floor. Sosdothur hastily moved vials of poisons and alchemical ingredients away, far more concerned about the expensive reagents being damaged than the trembling imperial at her feet. ”Nil? Are you alive? What do you feel?” Her voice is cold, detached. There is a long silence, disturbed only by the sound of Krasnovaar’s excited scribbling of notes on paper. Finally, Nil blinks his eyes open, and Sosdothur gasps - just a pale emptiness meets her own golden gaze. “...Nothing.”

When Nil first arrived at the Tavern, it was hard for him to make friends. He had little understanding of the unspoken social rules, and couldn’t connect with the other guests like he wanted to. Preying on his desperation, Sosdothur invited him to her circle of followers, promising the friendships he’d been looking for. Grateful for a place to belong, Nil joined her and pledged his loyalty to help her become a sentient Emperor in any way he could. It did not take long for him to discover that the best way to help was allowing himself to be experimented on by her and Krasnovaar.

The experiments involved powerful infusions of Krasnovaar’s Ice magic, and they came close to killing him. Though he was a different elemental alignment before, the magic stripped that from him and replaced it with an Ice alignment. Further, the experiments erased or blurred his memories, and eliminated many physical features such as pupils, blood, and a heartbeat. Nil was left with dulled senses and insomnia, no longer needing to sleep but still feeling constantly exhausted. Though much was taken from him by the experiments, they also gifted him with unparalleled healing magic - now Ice-aligned. Despite his new abilities, he couldn’t escape the dull emptiness inside that Sosdothur explained was due to “no longer having a heart”.She told him he would never be able to experience emotions ever again and no one would want him in such a state… but he would always be welcomed and accepted in her cult. Hopeless and having accepted himself to be broken, Nil agreed to stay with her.

Adjusting to his new “life” was difficult - he’d lost or blurred most of his memories, and even before the experiment he was not very socially adept, but afterward any social cues he had taught himself he had to relearn. Though he has difficulty reading people, he is very sensitive to people being unnerved by how he looks or his airheaded behavior, and tries to dismiss himself before they become uncomfortable. He has learned over time that he’s impossible to read due to his stony expression, so has started just saying directly what he wants and how he feels, but a lot of times this just makes people more uncomfortable. Combined with his unnerving appearance and tendency to lose his train of thought or ramble (he even stops talking in the middle of sentences and trails off, looking into the middle distance), it was now even harder for Nil to make friends, and he kept his circle of acquaintances confined to just members of the cult.

Outside of his aggravated social difficulties, Nil had to learn to deal with his new physical problems. Though he enjoys being close to others, he can’t actually feel them against him, and they often become frustrated with his unresponsiveness or lack of focus. Further, since his senses are dulled, he often gets hurt or cut and doesn’t notice, and by the time he does it has magically healed itself but he’s probably walked around with a bloodless wound for a good hour and scared a few people. Sosdothur has used this quick healing to expedite her experiments - making small incisions to directly apply magic to Nil’s veins knowing they’ll just heal again in a day. Though Sosdothur’s Light magic isn’t very effective against Nil’s own, the influx of magic occasionally allows him to feel sensation for a brief moment, and he’s grateful she would allow him such a gift.

Without memories, it was hard for Nil to figure out what to do with himself day to day or what he even enjoyed doing. For a long time Nil spent his days laying in bed or wandering around the Tavern, inevitably getting lost and needing to be rescued by Geinkiin or Zaan. It wasn’t uncommon for him to idly wander into dangerous parts of limbo or forget where he meant to go and be distracted for hours by something else, so eventually he decided to try to stay in one place instead of risking walking somewhere odd. Viintaas was happy to welcome him at the library, and was careful to direct him back to the books if he forgot what he was doing and started to wander off.

Sensing how lonely he was while confined to the library, Geinkiin brought him a gift - a snake companion that immediately bonded with the stoic imperial. Though Nil is quite cold to the touch, the snake did not seem to mind in the slightest and happily curled around him. Nil named her Suyah - hug - and she has been his close companion ever since.

Determined to give Suyah the best possible care, Nil began to research animals and familiars, and quickly discovered a passion for their care. He began to spend less time with the cult and more time helping Geinkiin and Miiraad care for the Tavern’s familiars, and it became very clear how much happier Nil was now that he was devoting his time to this new interest. Eager to give Nil the next push into separating from Sosdothur’s cult and letting himself be happy, Geinkiin took him to Shi’Kahr to meet the familiar caretaker there, Sutok.

From their first meeting Sutok and Nil bonded - as a skilled Fire mage, Sutok’s ambient magic is powerful enough to warm Nil’s nerves deadened by the Ice magic, and little makes Nil happier than being able to feel Sutok’s arms around him. Being so close to his Fire magic not only warmed Nil’s frozen senses, but also started to give him the glimmer of hope that he could love someone after all. They quickly started a romance, and now a days Nil can usually be found with Sutok in his caves taking care of new familiars and hugging as close to the other imperial as he can be. He’s grateful for Sutok’s patience as he relearns how to handle a relationship, and appreciates the reprieve from a numb, emotionless life that his Fire magic gives. Slowly, Nil is starting to think he isn’t as heartless as he’s been told, and dares to admit that, “I’m in love.”