Kevin

Ahh Kevin. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. If you were to ask someone to describe him, they'd probably say something along the lines of "He isn't a very pleasant person to be around", and that’s putting it nicely!

Kevin is a complete and utter sleazoid. He's lazy, crass, stubborn and selfish, yet he’s surprisingly persuasive. He can bluff his way into making a few bucks from almost anyone he meets. Consider it a lesson, sharing is caring!

He is very laid back, never causing a scene or fussing over anything– beggars can't be choosers after all. He spends most of his days lounging around in the sun on top of his can or digging through the trash to find some hunk of junk to try to make a quick buck from. Maybe if he was a little less... “Kevin”… people might like him more.

He isn't exactly the brightest banana in the bunch, never has been. He never really paid attention in school, and by the looks of it, isn't all too keen on furthering his education either.

Despite looking fluffy and soft, he never showers. He just slathers himself with deodorant and calls it a day. He can't stand getting his fur wet, it's almost like a sheep's wool.

Hes so used to greasy food that if you tried to feed him something real he'd probably fucking die, which is funny because Kevin’s species doesn't really eat meat, they mostly stick to fruit and nuts when possible.

He's really good at basketball. He used to play it with random kids during high school, though he was always made fun of for "being a girl" and stuff. He doesn't play it anymore because he just doesn't feel that same spark.

His favorite passtime is walking up to different department stores and watching whatever the fuck they're playing on the display tv's until someone kicks him out, sometimes presses his face up aginst the windows of others houses to try do the same but they normally freak out and "call” the “police” on him for "stalking" or some “shit”. Ugh.

His depth perception is also really really good– his eye's shaped like that for a reason!

He likes to dance as well… good for him?? I guess?? I don't think he's very good at it per se but.. Yeah.

He vapes. Yuck.

He doesn't talk about either of his parents. In fact, he avoids the question of where he came from like he owes it money. All he tells people is his childhood was rough and that his parents died in a car crash when he was six (mind you they're both alive and well). 

He and Sluggy are dating, and they've been together for a couple of years. When Kevin was new around town, Sludgebi saw him and was like awww he's sooososoo cute and gave him some dirt to eat. Kevin knows Sluggy isn't a threat to him and does genuinely care for her.

He has a pet rock… turtle… thing who was, funnily enough, also named Kevin. The turtle’s 30 so he's technically Kevin Sr! An old friend Kevin had was moving out of town and couldn't take Kevin Sr with him, so he offered him to Kevin Jr. He loves his turtle very much and takes better care of him than he does of himself.

He mooches off of Kaboom, often staying at her place or eating her food. She doesn't seem to mind, though. She makes a lot of money selling illegal fireworks(AND FENT) so the cost doesn't bother her, In fact when Kevin was new to town she got him some actual food and let him stay at her nest. They mutually feel a sort of familial bond towards one another, even if Kevin doesn't show it much.

Kevin sees right through Taffy's meticulously calculated persona, he sees her for how disingenuous she really is, pointing out how she's always evasive and too afraid to actually speak her mind. He'd rather she just be an asshole! He isn't afraid to call out her shit, which leads to them bickering any time they get the chance.

At the end of the day he's just a bitch KEVIN VS ROCK FNF