" As the 7th  male child born in my family, I was born a Strigoi - what modern mortals  nowadays call...vampire. Although I would rather be called for what I  really am instead of being confused with a teenager fantasy you all have  inside your limited minds.

My name is Toma Lupei and I was born  in Romania, inside a very wealthy and conservative family, with a wicked  father and weak minded bothers. You can imagine how being born  different would change my life inside a Pricolici clan.  Right...Pricolici is the Romanian term for the fusion of werewolves and  vampires, a wonder you think - not really. Apart from my twin brother  Kor - if I wasn't born with this curse, I might have turned up like him,  right? Dark hair, deep blue eyes, and a pale but freckles free skin  without this uncontrollable need of feeding my  self on human blood and guts; anyway...apart from my twin brother and my  beautiful and fragile mother, everyone else had an unexplained massive  physical constitution with a fierce look.
Needless to say, my family  was the town's night terror, and they were proud of it. They would kill,  torment and rape whoever crossed in their paths, just for fun. It was  like that since I can remember, as they always said that was part of us,  our family, our clan. You must think everything was different for me,  that I was a disgrace for my family, and lost cause that was doom to die  sooner or later. It wasn't like that. It is true that me and my brother  were spare from that way of living for almost eleven years, until our  mother died...my sweet and loving mother...
After that I had to take my place in the clan. I had to make my father proud and live up to his legacy.
I had to be better than my older brothers. I had to...stop feeling the pain.
...My sweet mother...

As  soon as I learned to shut down every emotion that made me weak,  thinking my vicious actions twice, I was the perfect killing machine. I  succeeded. For the first time in forever I saw my father smile at me; I  felt nothing truth to be told, I didn't care; I was enjoying the  suffering, the begging, all the sin out of all the torture and  slaughter. It is easy to kill someone instantly, but it is a form of art  when you can keep them alive for a whole week, pushing the right  strings to keep them alive while you tear apart every limb from them. I  am a very patient man with years of practice.
I lived to the day  when my father and brothers forget all about me being a shadow of what  they were, embracing me as one of them, but my twin brother Kor, oh...he  never understood why. Why I forgot who I was to be what they wanted me  to be. He was weak, but I loved him. I missed him when they all died.
No,  I didn't kill them, but someone smarter and fearless did; As I said  before, I didn't care. Damn, all I could care about is that I was alive!
I  saw it as an opportunity to get out of Romania, try my luck somewhere  else and practice new ways; that is when I found myself sailing to  England and meeting this peculiar guy, Hanzi Black. This is where I  learned about your terms of a modern Vampire. Although he was not an  ordinary one, he was The One. I won't get into much details on his story  because it is his duty to tell it, not mine, in fact we weren't really  close until later on my story.
For over four years he was my  "mentor". I didn't stop killing, but I had control over it and only hunt  when I needed it - I say I managed my urges better with a glass of  vodka in one hand and a cigarette in the other. While he taught me how  to behave, he failed to turn me into a caring piece of shit; but hey, he  was always behind me cleaning the mess. We can't have it all, can we?!

After  that time sticking to the rules, I was bored to death. I didn't have a  purpose, and when I was deprived of the only thing that made me alive, I  was driving insane. I had to flee once again, I had to go.
Almost a  month passed to find myself all alone, in a rural area of Edinburgh,  Scotland. Not sure of what I was looking for, and with both hands full  of corpses left behind in the last couple of days, I was just trying my  luck on a most remote and calm area. I took a few minutes off my travel  to rest on the side of the road, when a carriage pulled over with a  young couple guiding the unnerved horses. You know what I like most  about peasants?! Them being peasants. Their naivety and caring for  strangers, I can't blame them, I was a wreck; I hadn't showered for  days, and I felt my body slimmer than normal, even if I have been  feeding myself more than usual on a daily basis. They thought that I  needed help and sure I did, even if it was only to make them as my next  meal.
I decided to take the trip to their farm, with the only intend  of killing them and have a place to rest without having to flee right  away.
That was my plan.
Damned the day I thought THAT was a good idea.

They  just had their first born. The crying was stressful to the guts as I  only imagined myself ripping that child's heart from their chest in a  single move. The woman rushed into the bedroom just to come downstairs  with that infant in her arms,crying their lungs out like no tomorrow. I  could have ended that terror right there, I was even gifted not with  two, but with three meals - you can't imagine how delicious an innocent  child can be.
As a supernatural creature, animals and children are  hypersensitive to our beings, while animals run away or start being  aggressive towards us, children can be frighten or start to cry,  depending on their age. That's what I thought it was happening with that  unpleasant creature, but as soon as my eyes met with theirs, the crying  stopped.
It was gone.
I knew after that moment, when those dark eyes, rose cheeks and peach lips smiled at me, I was doomed.

Apparently  their skills on how to be parents were non existent, and for a weirder  reason that child would only calm down while near me. I really don't  know why I stayed, until this day I can't find the reason to why I did  it. But I just wanted to...protect her until the very end.
Eleven  years, eleven long years passed and that young girl blossomed into one  of the most beautiful specimen of their kind. The long and wavy hair,  pale skin and rose features. I took care of her as my own child - if  that is a thing that you can possible imagine.
We were...one
I can't really put it into words.
She was...everything I had. Everything I knew and couldn't live without.
Shit.

I  took care of her more than her parents ever did, and as the years went  by I notice she starts to be unwelcome to them. And the only thing that  kept ME indispensable was the money I give them, but even that didn't erase the fact that Victoria was starting to be "too much" in their house.
The  emotional and psychical abuse started when I wasn't around. The fights,  the constant yelling and beating. Her angel skin covered with bruises  and her soul starting to crack day after day, while her spirit fades  away alongside the tears she shed uncontrollably.
I wasn't able to stand that for much longer. She needed protection, she needed me.
Killing  them was a necessity, but then what? I couldn't raise her as a full  time job. I was presented her as a brother by all means, but it would be  awkward to look the same while she ages as the years go by. I wasn't  prepared for that for god's sake, I just wanted to live my miserable  life without giving explanations and most of all, without my condition  being exposed to humans.
I was meeting Hanzi. I needed to  find him as soon as I could. I needed to get my old life back to never  return to that place again.
She would be fine - I made myself believe.

That  night was the night that I was saying goodbye. Hanzi was waiting for me  patiently outside after a briefly an heated conversation, where I swore  to be a "good boy" from here on out.
That would end up being a lie - no shit.
Victoria didn't greet me at the door as she always did, and the house was strangely quiet.
You  know that feeling that something bad is about to crash down and you  don't have any defenses up to cushion the impact?! Right - I was the  reason that their world burned to the ground.
I'm happy I was the one that did it!

They  tried to stop me to go upstairs to Victoria's room. They did the  unthinkable as grabbing the double barrel shotgun and threaten the  living shit out of me. One of my many skills is not to show any emotion  and think rationally and ponder every move the enemy is about to engage  at me. My moves are agile and quick, which lead me to steal the massive  gun from him and knock him out with its heavy stock. The woman started  yelling and crying in confusion with the unconscious man in her arms. I  wasn't living for that crap and rush upstairs, only to find Victoria's  small body laying on the side of the bed with no reaction whatsoever  when I quickly approached her. 
I know what I felt, and it was a feeling I didn't have in years...
My heart sink, the anger and sadness, that unthinkable turmoil of emotions that crushed my whole body.
The next thing I know I was over her body, calling for her - not calling, yelling.
No response. Not even a fucking smile or muscle response to my voice.
I know she was faintly breathing, I knew there was still a chance.

I gave her some of my blood. I had to...and until this day I don't regret it.
I  was being selfish, but I don't regret it once. She had her whole life  ahead of her, and now she would live a little bit longer than a mortal  human being could. It was my choice, not hers, I know. I didn't turned  her into a Strigoi, you can't turn anyone into a Strigoi for what  matters, but I gave her body a different vitality.
I hold her in my arms, and with the shotgun in one hand, I knew what I had to do.
The woman was first as soon as I saw her coming up the stairs; she begged and swore that she had nothing to do with it.
I  didn't care. A clean shot to her heart made her roll over the stairs to  the floor bellow, where she stood looking at me lifeless.
The man  was next. He was half conscious at this point in time, but he knew what  was coming for him, and with a grin on his face, I was pretty satisfied  when I saw his brains blow when I pressed the muzzle against is forehead  and pressed the trigger. I stood there, looking at the whole mess scattered across the floor. I guess I just needed a reason to end their lives, and damn, that was a good one.
I  heard a soft mumbling and uncontrollable sobbing, and my senses came  back to reality to find Victoria looking overwhelmed at her father. The  shotgun was fiercely pulled from my hand and Hanzi was there, yelling  some crap that I can't really recall. My brain was slow and my senses  still numb. I hugged Victoria with both arms. Her heart was beating sharper than ever before. Happiness was what I felt at that moment.

We  traveled all the way to London after that, where I met with one of my  most beloved friends at that time, Bellona Wyrm, one of the most  talented and powerful dark witches I've ever known.
As I  said before, I had no intention to proceed caring of Victoria, she  deserved a better life, out of trouble and misery. My goal was to take  her to one couple I knew that would take care of her like no one ever  did, good old family friends that I always adored; but for that to  happen, I just had to erase all my existence from her memories. Mine and  her parents, and give her a new story, a new life.
Bellona  was the right person to do just that, and with it done, I gave her away  to Margot and Jean-Jaques Beau Pre. They were former white and dark  witches, eager to have children, and being Victoria different due what I  transformed her into, I knew she wouldn't make much questions about it  later in life.
She just needed the right story, a story so bright  that it wasn't possible to question. Bellona did it just right, and now  Victoria was Magdalene Beau Pre, the only an precious child of one of  the most powerful mystic couple in whole France.
Walls were lifted, and no one could take them down. The spell was unbreakable, and I... I was finally free.
So why is that I felt so empty?!
I didn't say goodbye, neither she saw me again after the deal was made.

Duke  Count was to be my name from then forward, leaving behind the life I  had, no strings would pull me back to where I was before.
I  came back to Romania with Hanzi, and my old ways returned; I didn't want  to say it, but it was the only way I found to get rid of those eleven  years, let them out of my system once and for all.
The thought of a new life back home was quickly dissipated once I  had no purpose. Again, I had no idea what to do, where to go, who the  heck I was. My only goal was to kill, have fun with my victims, sex and  alcohol. All the good stuff. But it wasn't enough and I needed more. The  emptiness grew day after day, and my additions weren't fulfilling their  objective.

Hanzi convinced me to come back to England.  without my past there to torment me, maybe it was a good idea after all.  I keep saying that the worst ideas I followed are the best, it was true  in my head at that time, but they weren't - they ended up fucking the  hell up of my life and I could do shit about it.
France was the next  stop. Compiegne to be precise, a region on north of France, well known  for is immense and dark forest where legends and myths walk side by  side. Hanzi forced me to go, even when I decided to stay away  from her, to who I vow never see or being in contact with. He just  wanted to check on Victoria, and I agreed, not putting much thought in  it; I forced myself not to. To not go and check on her after all those  long five years, to not open a rift on those well constructed walls just  so my heart could feel again. No, I wouldn't do it. Not again.
I  would stay in town while he stayed with the Beau Pre family in their  mansion in the middle of the forest. I didn't mind, I was safe and that  is how I wanted to live my life.
Until, in a blink of an eye every thing changed. Again, the best idea, turned into the worst nightmare.

A  few weeks passed and Hanzi's frequent visits to town were down to once  to twice a week; when he was around he wouldn't talk much to leave again  to the mansion. I was enjoying the french exquisite life style,  specially the woman, so I didn't mind to keep my sorry ass in that place  for a little longer. Until he came back for good, with anger pulsing  from his body and a determined look on his face.

Kor...  Kor was back, alongside my oldest brother, Aurel. How? I didn't want to  know nor wanted to wait to see what was behind all of that. They were  suppose to be dead...or at least, after all those years. Being a  Pricolici, once you died you return right after as a vampire, but they  never came back; whoever killed them, did the job well done. That is  what I thought until now.
The whole ordeal was not because of me, but  because of Victoria's new parents. The Beau Pre heritage was an ally  for our own, so it was more than obvious, if they ever came back, to  reach out to them for guidance. Aurel took Margot and Jean-Jaques to  Romania, leaving Kor with the only worthy trade coin they had, Victoria.  If they failed to get Aurel what he wanted, Victoria will be dead in no  time.
That was a joke of course. Kor didn't have the guts to kill  anyone, he never had to; he would tremble to the thought of hurting a  single butterfly. Aurel knew about it, so why did he gave my twin  brother such a task?! Maybe death had changed them. I was curious at  this point, but then again, I didn't want to have any kind of  involvement in it. Hanzi on the other hand, was the one that was always  there for her.
I hated him...so irrationally bad.

One  night, the front door of the rented room was almost taken down by  someone's affliction. I knew right away that everything was about to  change... again. I couldn't help but fear the worst. My heart was giving  me signs that I long forgot about, and when Hanzi opened the door to a  overwhelmed and distressed  female figure running into his arms, I  instantly broke. I felt fear, I wanted to run away from that scene I was  watching, I wanted to run away from her.
She cried herself to sleep in his arms due the tremendous exhaustion her body was under.

Now,  there she was. Laying on my bed, with the soft dim light of a candle  enlightening her face features. Beneath all the dirt and scratches I  noticed, her long and wavy hair that never died out, the long and subtle  eyelashes, her pale skin that was never so bright and delicate, and her  sweet and stunning peach lips...

I know she has to go;  she needs to find a safer place, but looking at her now. I can't. I want  to hold on to her to never let go. I want her to be mine.
No. That might be what I want, but not what I need.
....I feel that emptiness fading away....
But I know now that she represents the only thing that I hate the most in life.
My one and only weakness, the one I can't seem to surpass, conquer.
And one can't have weaknesses. 
Having weaknesses is never an option."

Toma Lupei,
November, 1881