The Eradictator

~~~

You are THE ERADICTATOR. Life has not been kind to you.

Then again, it's mostly your fault.

~~~

A wise troll once said that no one was hatched bad; that trolls have to be taught how to cause pain, how to hurt. Everyone is a blank slate, and what you make of it is how you are formed.

You are a prime example.

You were once good. You took care of someone that taught you to be kind, to be thoughtful and compassionate, to have feelings and be okay with them. You used your strength for protection and self-defense, never to abuse it by hurting anyone. She was so proud of you. 

... But you realized how horrible your planet was. How trolls saw your lover, your best friend, as prey. You were so tired of fighting and you wanted to start anew; just you and her on a planet all to yourselves. You just wanted to be free, but you had no idea what it would cost for your freedom.

The fleet knew that you were not supposed to be alive, so they made sure you felt like you did not want to be anymore. For sweeps upon sweeps you were subjected to the most torturous forms of training; you survived hypothermia, overheating, suffocation, you name it, but you still came on top. 

Then one day it just all went to hell.

They broke you, hurt you, and they didn't care that they destroyed what little innocence you had left. They didn't care how violated you were. All they cared about was how powerful they felt.

You never wanted to murder but when you did, when you got revenge on them, you realized it felt good. To have this sort of power in your hands, to have the ability to control someone's mortality with nothing but your bare hands. To make someone fear you. You loved it.

But as they say, actions have consequences. Your lust for blood turned you into a monster. Your own best friend didn't even recognize you, tried to stop you, but she failed and ended up imprisoned - something you never wanted to happen. Her fear turned her into a threat; she was going to die. You tried to save her, but you were too late.

You don't remember anything after that. All you remember is waking up in a pool of rainbow, bodies scattered around you. Lives you took.

So, you got your ship. You got your crew from the surviving members. But at what cost?

3,000 sweeps of loneliness. That was the cost. No matter how much you tried to fill the void, nothing worked. It all fell apart and so did you. 

Desperate for power, you took up slavery. You had lost who you were - the old Lulith would never...

But you did. And you felt nothing.

And you continued to feel nothing until you paid your home planet a visit. You were just there for a matriorb and nothing else...

.... but instead you got so much more. You got what you really wanted, but you are so far gone that you just... can't accept it. Their kindness felt like a bat was repeatedly crashing up against your head over and over and over and over. It never occurred to you just how fucking broken you were until now.

You got rid of your slave practice, that's one good thing about you. 

You're irredeemable otherwise.

Why couldn't they fucking see that.

~~~

Relationships:

Claire Fantai (ex-matesprit, best friend): You've known her literally since the two of you were grubs. Due to being at risk of culling because of her learning disability and inability to speak, you essentially "cheated" so she would pass the trials. You knew from schoolfeeding and the other wigglers that were there that the two of you were almost like a taboo relationship, regardless whether you two were matesprits or not. That did not stop either of you, however, and you two were the best mates you could possibly be to each other. Even though you don't understand kindness or affection that well, if it wasn't for her being in your life, you wouldn't be able to understand it at all. You were indirectly responsible for her death after you convinced her to join the fleet with you. Your sanity slippage turned you against her and made her afraid of you, and the rest is history. It is one of the few things that still make you feel physically sick whenever you think about it. She has since forgiven you after being revived by an unknown force, but you still don't think you deserve forgiveness for what you did. Still, you see Claire as a sister figure now and a best friend; as well as a clear reminder of what happened when you slipped too far off the edge.

Intaxi Neishi (ex-moirail [unfortunately], former business partner): Intaxi was one of the first trolls you met when you first arrived back on Alternia after so many sweeps. For a while, you two were good business partners in the slave-trading industry and soon became moirails. You remember helping her when she was hiding from Tusira and you remember how much you mourned when she killed her. It took Tusira giving you very hard to digest evidence of a side of Intaxi that you never wanted to see in order to fully snap out of it and stop the slavery bullshit. It, plus the fact that she was the descendant of your own matesprit at the time, makes you sick just thinking about her now. Seeing her gives you a gross feeling of guilt in your stomach now, since you can never deny the fact you were once someone like her.

Elziah Enkeli (descendant): You first thought of her as a failure to your lineage, as your goal with having a descendant was to have someone be the heir to your throne when the time might come where you had to retire (and by that you mean "die"). Your frustration with her, as well as the loss of your moirail at the time (which now you don't really mourn anymore for... very obvious reasons), caused you to snap and kill her lusus as punishment. Her lusus was also your lusus, so this was also a big hit to you, once you realized what you just did. You set Elziah straight when she went to attack you as revenge for killing her lusus and almost killing Aduya, and you haven't heard from her since. You expect she is probably paranoid of seeing you again in the fear you might hunt after her and kill her, but you could care less. She lives her life, you live yours. Neither of you need to get involved in each other's life anymore. You don't even really consider her a descendant anymore.

Tusira Yxlisi (ex-matesprit, best friend): Who knew a random trollian encounter would literally save your life? Tusira pinged you right as you were about to complete suicide from the amount of severe trauma the fleet and its people brought to you, and you two became fast friends. She was still a slave when you two met, so you were (sort of) there during the beginning of her rise to power. You still have the picture of her bloody face she sent you after she got punished by her former mistress. 3,000 sweeps of separation between the two of you as well as the descent of your insanity made you forget all about her, which showed in how you participated in the slave trade and even became moirails with the descendant of her former mistress. It took her arrival back to Alternia as well as her surprising amount of patience and respect for you and your willingness to change that you removed yourself from the troll-trafficking industry completely (though that doesn't mean you don't know how to walk the walk and talk the talk when you need to get into a slave master's chamber so you can destroy it from the inside out). You two had then become matesprits for almost three sweeps until an unexpected breakup separated the two of you. While you're still in pain from it all, you still respect Tusira as a good friend and ally, and you're always willing to lend a hand to her if she needs it (but that would mean she would have to admit she needs help).

Lysander Muerte (best friend): You met Lysander through another random encounter on trollian. You both bonded on very grotesque and morbid things, but you two soon began to learn more about each other and even more so when you finally met him in person. You think he's a sweet guy; he very much worries a lot about the dumb shit you do, but at the same time, you also have to smack him a couple times whenever he does stupid shit as well. He's one of the few trolls you can be yourself around; not "The Eradictator", but "Lulith". He can also relate to the pain you have gone through, as he has his own stories, too. He cares about you so much, and you still have a hard time understanding it, but you enjoy and appreciate it anyway. No use questioning it, right?

Tyraia Varias (best friend): You have no idea where to begin with her. The fact you two are even friends in the first place still confuses you. Do you just attract pacifists? You aren't complaining, anyway. You saw her donate her cupcakes in a disguise to the local cafe, and you followed her out of curiosity once she hastily went out the door. After all, she could have poisoned them; why else would she be anonymous? A serious injury which gave you away gave you no choice but to be taken care of at her clinic. You were still heavily suspicious of her, and you only accepted medicine and food from her after you saw her fix it up for you first. You even tried your best not to fall asleep, as you would only do so in a place where you felt safe, but you fell asleep anyway. You didn't let your guard down, but you calmed a bit once you noticed both your kidneys were still inside you once you woke up. Once you were fully healed, you thought that would be the last time you would see her again. You were proven wrong when you saw her take care of Lysander after an incident at his carnival. From there, you tried to get to know her better, but both of your ideals clashed and it was very rocky. Over time, the two of you warmed up to each other and began to understand how the other worked. She saw sides of you that you never wanted anyone - especially not her - to see, and she still stayed with you, even when she knew it could cost her life one day. Because of this, she is another one who you can be yourself around; though in her case, it's like you never became The Eradictator in the first place. She actually made you feel safe. 

Nayeli Lindel (moirail): You never thought you could have sudden weird pale feelings for someone up until now. There was Tyra, but that was a slow burn that it felt natural. This feels natural too, but in a different way. She's everything you wish you were: small, loving, lovable, cute, and unwaveringly kind. You feel safe around her and you're surprised that she feels safe around you. You hope this lasts, you don't want to mess her up.