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MY CONSCIENCE PARALYSED / AGAINST THE RISING TIDE,
he struggles to keep steady in the face of rising pressure...
for someone so accustomed to living in the shadow of his father, it was strange that he seemed unable to sleep in the dark. to be blinded by lights, he rationalised, meant that he would not be able to see anything lest his nightmares manifest themselves around him. such precautions allowed him to sleep when his body decided he needed to, which (fortunately for him) was a rare occurrence. neither he nor his body felt the need for rest; there was too much work that needed to be done, and not enough "good" people to do it.
people came to him first when they needed help. they did not trust the police, they would tell him; they were too corrupt, too focused on helping themselves that they stopped helping those who relied on them. though he always waved off such comments, he understood them. after all, he became a P.I. in spite of his original trajectory towards the force. the police had taken too much from him - his future, his partner, and his father, who was too oblivious of how destructive he had become working as the captain of his precinct. was it not cruel, he wanted to ask his father, to force his own son to take after him knowing that he too would become negligent and distant, prioritising his work over all other considerations? he saw no use in confronting his father, who would not have listened anyway. instead, he let it fester until there was too large a rift between them to make reconciliation impossible.
what he did take from his father was his vices. he despised the fact that he could not live without smoking and drinking as his father did. nothing gave him more comfort than to lie down on his couch, watching dirty smoke drift up into and dissipate in the air before pressing a bottle to his lips. an unparalled comfort they provided, but he has been making efforts to stop indulging these bad habits.
recently, however, this has proven difficult. an influx of missing persons requests not only demanded too much of him not to put a strain on his general wellbeing, but these cases hit too close to his heart not to affect him on a visceral level...
OF HAUNTING MEMORIES THAT DROWN A WASTED LIFE...
