Toska

T O S K A

(n) ache of the soul, longing with nothing to long for. Spiritual anguish.

AGE

35 Moons

ORIENTATION

Demiromantic, Demisexual

APPEARANCE

Toska holds herself with a lot of grace. She pads about silently, as light as a feather. She holds herself just the same. Solidly and with poise, and a certain aura of knowingness, of kindness. There's a slight lift of her head, as if she were a watchful guardian, but the curve of her smile leaves no room for intimidation within another. And the soft, tender glow of her jungle green and nectar-hued eyes typically settles the deal.

Toska is solidly built, despite being rather slender. The tell of an infant well cared for. There are coils of sinew beneath a lush pelt of oak and cream, of tans and whites. Her fur is wild around her face, giving her a maned appearance. The same disheveled appearance hands back at her hindquarters, including her tail. Her tail, dark and boasting several spots, is thick and fluffy, and with a lighter cream tip. She's a classic tabby, with dark oaken bandings that wrap around her physique like serpents. Her ears stand tall and proud, one with a tear in it, and the other with a small triangular cut to the side.

PERSONALITY

Please God, I'm too young to have these scars.

[Diplomatic] Toska has spent her life surrounded by conflict. War was raging as she was born, and continued into her adulthood. She saw so much death for someone so young. And she sought to change it. Even though her attempts were wasted on such a futile situation—an 'eternal blood-feud'—she took her well-meaning, good intentions and solidified them. She does her best to be the peacemaker, the benevolence that she sees is missing from the world.

[Indecisive] Toska sees the beginning and the end, the paths in between. There are so many options, so little time. And not all options are good ones. Her benevolence has lead her to try and take the high road in every situation, but she hadn't quite learned that some decisions have no right answer, no happy ending. She still fights for that idyllic fantasy, even if it truly is unreachable. She hasn't lost hope quite yet.

Nobody knows her real name, but now she just uses one she saw on a grave.

[Well-Mannered] Toska does her best to do different from her family. From her gang. She saw what they have done wrong, and she tries to fix it. She wears a smile, knows her manners, and tries to best accommodate her guests, or her hosts. She tries to be a good cat, in mannerisms and just... in general. She tries to be a picturesque version of the best.

[Enigmatic] Toska... isn't known by many. Sure, cats see her. Talk to her, and she's even shared a home with some for extended periods of time. But no one really knows her. And she's okay with that (or so she thinks.) Because she's more of a peacekeeper than a hell-raiser, she's mostly hunted down to settle disputes, or she finds herself upon a situation. Acquaintances are many, friends are none, and enemies are always a possibility.

Never been in a hurry to die.

[Fickle] Toska's life has been an uphill climb, a constant fight to stay alive and be better. And sometimes, this saint just has too much stuff going on. She's learned to follow her heart, and her heart is a fickle little thing, dragging her across life in some graceful stumble as she tries to find a situation that kills the ache that has been ever-present within her heart. Deeper than her heart, really. Almost as if her very spirit has grown restless within its cage. She never stays still for long, and she never thinks of growing roots.

[Skittish] Toska, despite her dedication to settling disputes, is not a creature without fear, or without second thoughts. There have been situations she hasn't been able to heal, including her first. While not craven, she's not one to stay around to see what happens when shit hits the fan. She's not exactly keen on others digging into her business and past either. This is a cat who knows that the world is full of evil, one who hopes to help conquer it. And she knows that her family made a name for themselves, so when others say that she looks familiar or ask if she's from a specific side of town... she knows to haul ass. Her family's reputation has given her a target on her back since she was born, and kindness does not equate stupidity.

I am grateful that my suffering did not force me to become cruel.

[Kind] Toska is, above all else, kind. She loves putting a smile on other's faces, and she loves to see lives change for the better. She's as generous as she can be, giving others her all and expecting nothing much in return—food, water, shelter are the only inquiries that come from her mouth. She is always willing to lend a shoulder or an ear, to provide warmth to the cold, and love to the outcasts. This is a cat who has looked evil in the face and asked if it wanted a warm place to lay its head, and a feast to fill its belly.

HISTORY

Toska was born to the second-in-command of the The Angels, a gang that controlled more than half the city. Before her birth, Toska's family had  this "eternal blood-feud" with The Fallen, a gang that formed after a group of cats split from the Angels after committing treason on Toska's family, the head of The Angels. It's safe to say Toska didn't grow up in an entirely safe and happy 'death free' environment. With both gangs grappling for an upper hand and more territory in the city, Toska grew up pretty quick. She had to learn how to hold her own, or she would never leave home base.

Toska looked at the life offered to her, looked at her options and decided to take a different route. She worked quietly, at first. She worked towards peace, gently and without rousing attention. She would let young Fallen cats run free whenever she found them, she would whisper words of benevolence, create a vision of peace. She knew it would spread, like all things do. And she let it. She allowed it to grow and she offered more pieces of the puzzle for every cat she could meet. Eventually, she amassed enough of a Fallen following to stretch into her own gang, to her family.

It was nearly accepted by the youth. Nearly being the key word. A youth, wanting a leg up within The Angels, took the initiative. It wasn't long until Toska's parents were trying to knock some sense into her. Literally. It only took one young hotshot to undo all of her hard work, all of the hard work of others. The Angels staged a major attack not even a week later. Toska, taking one last shot to try and help save some lives, went to warn the Fallen before fleeing the coop. Now she travels about, trying to fix situations before they can go from bad to worse, to try and make up for her first attempt at making things better.

THEME SONGS

The Valley - Oh Hellos

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

We were born in the valley
Of the dead and the wicked
That our father's father found
And where we laid him down
We were born in the shadow
Of the crimes of our fathers
Blood was our inheritance
No, we did not ask for this.

┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚

Wishing Well - Oh Hellos

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

I ran like a speeding train
Cut my hair and changed my name
Only had myself to blame
For the company I was keeping
Curse my restless wandering feet
Prone to wander endlessly
All the love you gave to me
It wasn't enough to keep me
Oh, I stole from my father all I thought I could sell
Tossed his copper, and I watched as it fell
But there wasn't any water in the wishing well

┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚

Truce - Twenty One Pilots

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

Now the night is coming to an end
The sun will rise and we will try again
Stay alive, stay alive for me
You will die, but now your life is free
Take pride in what is sure to die
I will fear the night again
I hope I'm not my only friend
Stay alive, stay alive for me
You will die, but now your life is free
Take pride in what is sure to die.

┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚

FUN FACTS

Toska is not her real name.