Antinous

People say leaving is hard. It's even harder when you're running. You have to forget the past to make up a new one and pretend it never happened. When you change who you are, you change for good. All your memories have to be replaced by things that you know never happened. You have to go against everything you ever lived for and start over with absolutely nothing. Everything changes. Everything's new and different. Everything is strange. You die a little inside everytime you tell your story. It's a heartfelt tale that never really happened. You can never go back to what you were, what you spent your whole life becoming.

One day is all merges together and the lines become blurred. You start talking about your past like it was a happy memory without the tells of lying. You intorduce yourself as your new name and you didn't even have to think about it. You start worrying about what she's thinking instead of why she's thinking it and you lose yourself in those eyes without having to pretend.

The nightmares never go away. You still wake up in the middle of the night convinced someone's watching through the darkened window. You're always terrified. But, this is the life I chose. ... Or did it choose me?

See, when it was my turn to leave the nest and start my life, all I could think about was how scared I was. I just wanted to go home, to a place I felt safe. A pack seemed like the perfect fit, so I jumped at the chane to join the first one I saw. They were feirce, but that made it safer. They wanted me under a different name. My birth name 'Dusk' was too weak, so I became Antonio. I did anything I was told and before I knew it I was killing wolves. I knew I had to quit; but they were one of those packs that you died to get out of. So, Antonio died and me with him. Only Antinous was left.

I ran and hid and ran again until I was way past the edge of the map. I was hurt and lonely and a sad example of a brute when I stumbled in on yet another pack whose name I had never heard before. They were different, kinder. So I went from a stray they were nursing into the leader's son-in-law (that was the kind of guy Antionous was). Then I found out she was carrying pups and something in me snapped. I just couldn't take on that kind of responsibility and before I knew it I was running again.

I stayed a loner this time and still managed to get into trouble under the name Anakin, the shy and slightly insane side of me. I walked in on something I wasn't supposed to know existed and I was quickly yet another wolf, Anthony. Who knows what I'm like now.

I like Anthony. He seems to be alot like me. So I'm just hoping I can finally stop running. Then again, who knows what the future holds...