Prologue

In a faraway place, in the darkest of dark webs... a bunch of nerds got together to play the shittiest, most vile game in all the Earth and beyond......!

League of Legends.

After singing a deal with the Riot Devils (Beethoven's 5th), they were promised that Soon™ they would be given unlimited power. Thus began the uprising of... the Snow Cones.These beings were without a doubt the most worthy of the Riot Powers: Administrator Santa Claus. An indomitable Arc Angel with a penchant for hitting things kinda far away. Like. 425 units away, usually. The most Offensive Tree known to mankind, who's triggering knows no bounds. A merciless destroyer with, not one.......

BUT TWO!

TWO LONGSWORDS!!!

With the power of Absolute Zero at hand in their waffle style cones they forged a new realm, the greatest of all realms: The Discord Server of the Snow Cone Brigade. But little did they know.... the horror they unleashed. For once you enter the snow cone brigade.... YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE- DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN.

And that's about it you get plagued by memes and stuff.

They spent most of their time doing fun Snow Cone Brigade shit because what better way to spend your time contracted with a demon than completely disregarding the consequences of your actions. Obviously.

Here let me skip to chapter 53, it's a lot better in chapter 53.

Chapter 53 "Time to kill the English Snow Mexican"

There he was. Standing at the Texas Border. Poncho fluttering in the wind, water trickling down his rounded frosty cheeks from the sweltering heat. The snowman twirled his trademark "English Gentleman" mustache like that made him look cool or anything but no.

It just made him look like a prick.

He looked exactly what you'd expect a stereotypical amalgamation of Snowman with British and Mexican blood. Racist as fuck and completely out of place. When he spoke it was with the worst qualities of English and Latin accents combined, meaning he sounded like a pompous vuvuzela being used to call student employees at a Taco Bell, tl;dr- he sounded like an asshole. Incidentally this made him one complete section of a lower male torso.

"Well well well," the Snowman tittered, "it would appear that the Snow Cone Brigade has finally made it. But it is too late. Your Baron buff has worn off and I already sent Season 2 Master Yi to your nexus. It's over."

"Maybe not", the brigade said in unison. All together they mustered THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, and caused raw magical energies to swirl into the group. By the time they finished channeling, they had a swirling star like object hovering in their midst.

About the size of a grape.

"Wow your friendship levels suck, don't you people honor each other after game?", the Snowman said disdainfully.

Fortunately honor is for losers and the power of friendship pales in comparison in the power of memes so they proceeded to thrash this Snowman's ass right into Austin, Texas.

When they arrived to dispose of the frosty being, things came to a head when Santa, otherwise known as God, came to an impasse with one of the Holy Angels, aka one of the Ho Ho Hos. They clashed in a mighty battle above Mount Rushmore, having teleported there because it's really cool to be fighting on top of four huge heads. In the meantime Talonque and the Trigger Tree went to dispose of their mark, finding him half melted in a Denny's parking lot, getting sat on by a hobo.

A most fitting end.

"You can't kill me here...", wheezed the snowman. "I have diplomatic immunity." However the two disregarded this and kept stabbing at him with either longswords or racist remarks or perhaps both, and proceeded to unethically deport the Snowman into (yes into, as if a building block) the other side of the Trump wall as a grim reminder that a Yam won the 2016 US presidential election. They did so with an unearthly ritual combining US federal laws under a conservative government and dumping tea into a nearby harbor to repel the Snowman's bloodline with offensive racial statements, a bald eagle, morally questionable legal procedure, the pointy end of a stick, and a Boston Tea Party.

This would be the end of the chapter but before I forget Santa and his Ho Ho Ho decapitated all of Mount Rushmore. They inexplicably became friends again because I can't think of a good non-meta reason for their fight and I'm too lazy to think of one. Lasers were involved and the Moon also got obliterated, then replaced with a disco ball.

The end.

Chapter 54 "Snow Cone Brigadia"

((New blood was recruited into the Snow Cone Brigade over the years. This is to commemorate their lost souls. May they never rest in peace and always feed. Please listen to Hotel California to follow along))

In the center of the mid lane, minions are adrift Tensions are rising, through the summoner's rift Over there near the tower, packing flash and ignite Clicking rapidly with hope to win With a hell of a fight Jungler's camping my bushes I heard a pinging bell And I was thinking to myself, "This could be Heaven or this could be Hell" Then we dove through the turret and the mid got away We both died in an instant We just threw the whole game Welcome to the Snow Cone Brigadia Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely ace Plenty of room at the Snow Cone Brigadia Any time of year (Any time of year)You can find it here The map is Treeline and Twisted, we got Malz, Kled and Kench Enemy comp is godly: this was the end. Couldn't even surrender, how hard we fed Some play to remember, some play to forget So we hit up a League Coach,"Please just help us climb" He said, "I haven't seen scrubs this shitty since nineteen sixty nine" And still the ladder is calling from far away, Playing through the middle of the night So we climb and pray... Welcome to the Snow Cone Brigadia Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place) Such a lovely face They livin' it up at the Snow Cone Brigadia What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)Bring your alibis Impossible ceiling, League career on ice And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device" And in the server chatroom, We shitpost all our memes outsiders try with all their might But they just can't kill the beast Last thing I remember, I was Running for the door I had to find the passage back To the place I was before "Relax, " said the admin,"We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave!" . . .

Chapter 55 Ţ̛͔̪̊͗͑͊̃̆ͫH̫͈̣̟̪͎͚͙͊̅̇̒E̷̮̘͍͚̣̠̤̖ͫ͋ͪ̾͢ͅY̷̩͓̜͈̺̲ͩ̿̀ ̥̈ͫ̎̔͛͋̔͘͘S̶̶̛̝ͮ̒̓ͮ͆Ų̵̛̯̝̓ͥ̍͋ͤͨ͆M̴͉͉̯̼̍̀̑M̸͕̭͆ͥ̈́̑ͩ̋̄ͨ͢O̍ͦͮͨͬ͏̯̬̲N̓͒̏ͭ̋ͥ̎̋҉̸̩E̟̲̒̐͟͢ͅD̘̼̼͍̃̄ͧ̉͠ͅ ͚͕̲̦͊ͬ̂́͆̈͜͝C̘̞̦̊͂̎ͨͭ͝T̞̭̆ͯ͑͊̈́̎ͩ̒H̸̹̗͔ͨͦ̓͌̔ͅU̟̹̠̿̚͡L̸͙̪ͤ̑ͯ̕U̯͚̣̱͓͈͙̞͖͂̂ ̈͊̌͗ͩͦ́͏͈̯̭͚ͅͅỈͥ͏͚̲̩͔̰̫̫̰͘N͙͈̟̣͂̍̓ ̬̠̹͙̥͓̥̊͑͗̏ͣ͛̆Ţ͇̦̲͉̪͔͔̈́͜͢ͅH̡͔̤̰̗͔̫̫̍͆̃͛I̖̟̼ͣ͐S̻̅̉ͨ̚ ̳͉͉̰͙̳̬͚̔̆̌̈̋̈͐́C̷̛̭͖̦͎̺̜̥͇̒͐͛̃͛͋̋̓H̶̲͖͖̲̦ͦ̽A̛̗̐͘͘P̶̖̮͕̙͍̞̓̽͊ͤͤ̀̚T̯̟͕͚̗̼̘́̌̃ͮ̀ͮ͆̈́͠Ē̞͊ͦͅR̡̢̥̝̹͉̤͙̾͗̾̈ ͕ͪͬ̇̓ͦW̯̥̩̲̊́̚H̺̔͗ͮ͑́O͓͐ͧ͑̄͟͡ ̻̪̺͓͔̮̠̌̑͛̈͟͢P̸̱̖̦̖̝͇͎̑ͮͭ̂̔ͨ͆͝R̻̳͓͕͓̫̪̬̯ͭ͆ͥͯ͡O̴̙͔̘͍̣͕ͭ̔̿̔̚͞C͐҉̰͈͙͚͖͜͝E̶ͮ̉̒҉̨̱̫͔̤͈͕͔̜E̙̝̭̔ͧ̓D̶̜̟̥̏̃͜E̶̺̘̯͚̦͚͇̠͑̋̋̿̓͌ͣ̀D̼̓̇̑͌̀̚̕͜ ͍̮̼͎̰͗̑ͭͪ̋ͭ̽̋͘T̵̸̥̣͚̼̭ͮ̎͛̑ͨͯ͛͞O̥͎̝͇͓̦͎̫͒̔͐̓͆̔́̚͢ ̧̾̋͌҉̗͈͔͔͔̼͚͘O͚͚̎ͬB͇̼̌̅ͣͨ̿̆̏̽͐́͢L̖͌ͩ̒ͮ͘Ȉ̡͈̱̜͖̝̈T̵̡̼̬̫̬̩͙̙̏̾́ͅĘ̸̨͔̻̜̊̋͌ͥ̅R̫̹̺̼̫̰̹ͯ̈ͦ̽̿̂͐̇͡A̳̗̐ͫ̈́̾̐̚͡T̴̫̠̤̦̲̥ͮͪ̐̀E͗͐ͣͧ̽̌҉̟̝̪̫̫̺̦̝̩́ ͍͍̮͉͉͖̹̯̐ͥ̓ͤ́Ǎ͎̲̏̽͑ͣͮ͢L͖͚͖ͦ̍͡͝Ļ̛̺̪͈͍͇͓̱̺̇ͦ̅ͤ̊̽ͣ͞ ̗̖̃͝Ỏ̶͚̖͍͚̺͆̔Uͦ̌͏̵͓̱R̵͉̣̱͙ͨͭ ͙͈̯̂̋̋̃̉̿̐͋͞M͒̄͌͂ͨ̓̿̿͏̡̞E̲̗̠̳ͪ̔͑̐̈̀͗̚M̶̾̓̑͞҉͎̗̦̖͓̹̲͎̼E͆̎̈ͮ̈͗͏̫̮͔̖̲͖͢I̧̬̞̝̗̝̦̲̘̐͊̉̍̃͛̒̕͟N͍͂͗́Ĝ̶͈͕̟͚̻͚̇̉́̈́̎̉́̚ ̞̭͔̣̠̘̠̹́ͪͬ̈́ͣͯ̀̚͡͞Ä̵͇̱̺̰̭͔̗̠͆ͭ̒͗̀S̰̟͍̗̯̝̫͛͛̂ͩ͘͞S̪̬̼̪̗̺ͬ̈̽̊͠È͔̖̊ͩͥ̂͑̋͆́S̛̒̇ͭ̚҉̴̝͓̪̠̗͕̱̫ ͙̮̟̜͇͖̟̳ͥ̀̔̕S̸̟̪̖̘̪̺̖ͥ̓ͯ̎̈́̊͆ͪ͡O̶̠̤̟̥͖ͦͥ̎̓̎̅͆̚ ̷̛̤̠̱͍̝͎̱̥͋̋̾W̜̤̺̾ͤ͜͟E̛̼͚̰͍͐͐ ̨̲ͬ̒͋͂͌͊͊̾͝H͕̬̠̥͕̤̖̅͌̒ͪ͜A͚̤̜͆ͣ̈̍́̓́͢Ḓ̻̤̠͈̭̠̬̆ͬͤ̏̓̑̓̀ ̗̤͔̦̮̞͔̂̅̇̓͒̒ͅT̹̯͂̆ͅO̴̥͖͇̪͇̘̤ͥ̐̍͂ͫ̎̒̚͡ ̴̙͍̟̩̼̝ͮ̋̊ͯͪͫ̊̓̅M̖̦̱̙͇̙ͬ̈́ͮ̐͜͢͝Ą̣̯̙̇̈̃͊̎ͩ͊͒͠K̞͉̝̘͔ͣ̈̔ͭͨͦͭ͠Ẻ̈̕҉̶͖̻͈ ̭ͭ̒̂́ͨ̆̍Ä̵̼̤̹̻́̔ͦ͌ͩ̒̾͋̚ ̙̟̦̠̂͞N̬̥̻ͫ̚͘E͓̰͕̗̥̤̋͛W̢͗͂͋ͥ̎ͥ͌͏̭͉̮̞͙̱̣̭ ̬͕̦̝̣ͮ͋ͭ̋̽̈̄͌́Ṣ̷̨̘̣̼͓̰̬ͮͭ̚E̶̞̺̙̭̜̜ͧ̐̽ͧ̊̑̓̿͞Rͥ̓͂̃̀͏͕̙̰̜̫͍͖͎͠V̶̢̲̘̊ͪͯ́ͯ͐͆̎ͅE͔̻ͩͬ͠͡R̗̪̗̦̮̤͋̐̿ͭ͛͗̊̔̌̕͝ͅ ͚̝̻̜ͦ̐̏̒̽ͥ́͢A̴̝͙͕̤ͨ͆̕N̙̯̟̻̹̱̒͑ͦ͊̈͜͞ͅD̙̹̮̱͖̤̋̇̋̍̅ͮͪͯ̆ ͥͨ̃̋̌ͫ͋ͤ҉͏͉̹̮̣̬͉R̴̳̊ͧ̐ͬ̊͟͞E̶̼͇̗̦͖̭̾͑ͩ̐̐͆̄͞I̵̮̘̽̆͛͛̉̎N͖͍̳̪̰̙͉̱ͤ͜V̵̷͚̹̳̠̬̜̮̍ͅǏ͍̺̎̃ͤ͌̀̕T̝̭͔̪̘̺̗̮̓̌͐̆ͧ͘E̻̤̥͙̖͖͛̽̈́̅̍͡Ḋ̴̛͒ͤ͋ͫ҉̗̹̹̰̝̬͕ ̢͎̝̼̱͉͕̣͚ͣ̿͋͌̈E̸͈̳̫̼̍͌V̟̝̺̪̻̫̼̮̥̊ͭ͑̆͗̑ͥẸ̬͍̩̦̲̳ͫ͒͛ͧͅR̶̵̮̞̩̩͂͛ͫ͐̑Ŷ̳͈̣͉͍̯͍̘ͭ̔́͢͜O͖̱͔͎̓̽̽͊ͥͮͫ͞N̜̥͖̺̗̗̝̝͋͒͞E̥̜͓̫ͭͮͦ̔͠ ̞͍͇ͧ̐͛͑̿̾̿B̛̬̱͙͕̟͑̾̿̎ͯ̅̉̇͟͟Ã̈҉̛̲͉̮̭̙̳͖͈̜͞C̓̈́ͬ̓̂ͬ̈̆͞͏̮͓̞K̨̎̽̇͐͛̽̊̈́̚҉̸̙̣̺̫̳̗ͅ

That was actually my fault, whoops. Let's continue.

Chapter 57 "#56"

The plane was in complete lock down. It always was; victims always ended up in the Snow Cone Brigade. They just gathered, lost souls brought together by League of Legends. Perhaps the curse was a myth. Nobody had ever tried to actively leave the server. Nobody ever had to. Maybe that was the real curse all along, you stayed of your own volition. Nobody knows if the doors opened or not.

They were counting the units, number 53... 54... 55... aaand- ... Where were they.

In between two shells was an empty space. There were no empty spaces, not in the Brigade. The count started at 1, and ended at however many people there were in the Brigade. Someone escaped. There was hope. A chance to be free.

Opportunity knocks.

The counting crew was stunned. It was thought impossible. But here stark evidence showed. #56 was missing. 37 piped up, "We need to contact the Administrators. Someone may have left. We need to take them back. Nobody gets out, nobody leaves." "What the hell is wrong with you? Do you really want to be a Brigadier forever? We need to take advantage of this, find out where 56 went," said 64. "Th-that's treason! Blasphemy! If the admins find o-." 37 was cut short in the middle of their lecture by a quick elbow to the throat. 64 was about to raise their voice in objection but 43 cut them short. "You know what kind of a sheep 37 is. They're gonna ruin all of our chances of finding out where 56 is, or how they escaped. We need to get rid of them" 64 shook their head at first, but then looked up. "What do you think 22?" 22 was silent for a while: "Section C gets closed off in a half hour for curfew. If they get caught trespassing they'll be detained without trial. Administration won't find out for a few days," 22 finally said. "Alright good enough. Let's move." 64 motioned for 43 and 22 to follow and help carry 37.

Maybe they could be free.

==>

"There's nothing here!" "What do you mean there's nothing there!" "I mean 56 doesn't exist!" "Bullshit look harder!" "STOP YELLING AT ME" "(guys)" "Fuck OFF 43, this is all going to be YOUR fault when they start 37's trial!" "(guys please)" "WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN /MY/ FAULT. YOU'RE SPEARHEADING THE OPERATION!" "(oh my god)" "/I'm/ not the one who elbowed 37 and said hurr durr let's rebel against AND ENTIER MOTHER FUCKING BRIGADE" "(can we just-)" "WELL I WANTED TO KILL THEM BUT 22 SAID-" "THAT'S EVEN WORSE"")BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP("..."Let me see the files." 22 Calmly motioned for both of them to move aside. Glaring at each other, they begrudgingly did. After a few minutes 22 spoke up. "56 doesn't exist-" "HA! See I told you-" "-although it looks more like the file was deleted."..."What do you mean?" 64 leaned over 22's shoulder. "I checked the files of the new arrivals coming in tonight. One of them is 56... other numbers that don't seem to belong are, erm... take a look"22. 37. 43. 56. 64. 91. 92. 93.The list continued."We're already here why is it... I don't understand." 64 backed away from the console. 43 spoke up "The place is on lock down. We've all seen administration's forces. Santa's Ho Ho Hos. The fucking tree. Santa. They probably hold the key to all this. And I don't like what this looks like." "What do you mean, 'what this looks like'?" Asked 22 and 64."If I had to guess, those are our replacements."

==>

"Let us go."

The jingling didn't stop. Eyes watched the shells stand defiantly against high command.

"I /would/ put you all on the naughty list... but-" "You already are~" "You're on the liiist~" *rustling noises* Christmas cheer saturated the room with peppermint and the spirit of giving.It was enough to make anyone sick. "We'll, we'll fight you! We'll win!"

"Perhaps. Or perhaps you could say, maybe play one more game for the hell of it?" ... "What are the conditions?" "Just one game." "Yes just one game~" "One more game before you go~" *AGGRESSIVE RUSTLING*

And one more game happened.

And another.

And another.

Just one more game.

Maybe we can hit Diamond tonight guys.

J̸̛͕͎͓͓͔͓̮͔̪͕̣̱͉̙̼̩̋̓̽ͮ̓͑͛ͯ̅͗͌̈́͘ͅU̴̴̥̘̖̯̤͖̘̻͖͙̲̖̯̿̃̊ͫͭ͒Ş̷̜͖̟̹̳̲̙ͣ̉ͭ͊ͮ͊͂ͩ̂̌ͯ̿̑͞T̹̦̰̠͎̱̲͑̒̍ͫ̎̄ͭ̉͐͜͠͞ͅ ̷̧̩̗̬̜͇̩̤̱̜̖̦̒̃ͥ̉̐͂ͦ̈̈̃Ò̢̠̥͉͔̺̻̯͎̬͎͓̓̈́̅͗͌̑̿̍̏̌̈̓̾̋ͤͤ̕N̴̰̭̳̳̠̫̹̬͙̞ͦ͒̈̓̍ͪͯ̈́ͩͯ̾ͪ̽͂ͪ͡E̴̯̜̩̟͔̼̞̪͚̎̾ͦ̀̆̔̃̄̈́̊͑̄̊́͞ͅ ̧̜̝̠͓͎͚̙̲̊͗̋ͮ͊͌̔́ͦͩ̈́̏̅ͬͯ͂ͣͤ̚͘M̷̢̟̬̦͔͕͕͙̣̤̫͔̰̦̓͑ͯ̌ͦ͛ͬͤͫ̀͜Ǫ̴̫̱̮̗̻̰̫͈̻̺̏̅̓̓̽͂ͦ̾͗̃͊̅̅͆͑̔̓ͥ́͡Ŗ̡̣̳͈̘͓̞̥͇͕̥̌̅̌̎̒ͅE̶̢͇͎̣̥̯̙͖̞ͣͬ̂̔̀͢ ̶̰̟̟̀̒ͧͩ̀̊͘͠͠Ǧ̶ͦ̃ͩ̊̒̅͏҉̻͔̙̮̮̖̭̝̯À̴̉͐ͯ҉̘̼͓̱̠̻M̸̗͇̞̻̝͕̥̳̒̈́͊͐̊͒͋̀̅̃̈͆̕E̸̹̘̲̮̱̖̼̱͛ͯ͋̑͊̏ͨ̓ͩ́ͥ̾̽͋̎̌̄̀ͅ

Santa picked up the lumps of coal from in front of the PCs, and sent it off with an elf to bring to the powering plant. "It's a little more fun this way isn't it?" "Ho ho ho~, Merry Christmas!"