BlizzardBrick's Links
Guess we've both changed, huh? I didn't...I don't know that I would've stayed if I had known Loki was going to leave. It's in the past, I can't really change anything, but still. We both came back from it all pretty beat up, didn't we? He has secrets, but so do I. I'm glad to see him still alive though, still in...somewhat good condition. He's tired, but who isn't at this point? I ain't the same person that left, and I think that might've been what he was expecting. Or I would have, if he didn't give off this impression that he might've known all along. He's an enigma, that one. I...still don't understand why he tried leave when I spotted him and his butterfly. Like he wanted to stay hidden. After so long of trying to find him, and it was just an accident that lead me to him. I had Sylv back...now I had Loki. Things ain't normal, not like before, but he's still so important to me. I don't really care what he's been doing all this time, but I'm glad he's back for now. I think he knows that I haven't given up my line of work. There's a whole lot to say, good and bad, and I don't know how to say it. Maybe eventually we can sit and have a talk, but I think we're all still reeling from everything. I'm glad he's back, I am. I just...it's. Complicated. But I left too, so can I really blame him?
He was always this distance leader type. I...I don't know if I ever wanted to follow it, not at first. But I had to at a certain point. I couldn't do my own thing because of...Everything I suppose. James maybe. Valerian. And he helped me through it...he was always there, somewhere. But Lath left...Sylvia left. I was so desperate for him to stay. When he came up to me and asked me to take over for him...I didn't want him to go. I couldn't handle it. I didn't know if he'd ever even be back. He left just like that. I tried so hard. I really did. Tried to maybe fulfill a final request, but I couldn't even do that. I ran from a responsibility he trusted me with. He trusted me, and I crushed it. I ruined it. But I had to. Why should he entrust his friends in me? Someone who doesn't even resemble himself anymore. Iza brought him to my home; I wish she hadn't. He shouldn't have seen me so weak. He knows I failed. I don't care what he says, how many times he says it's okay. It's not okay. I couldn't even just stay in one place. He won't ever know how sorry I am; I can't explain it. I don't deserve his forgiveness. I don't know if he knows what I've been doing, but maybe if I fix myself some sort of proper apology can be made. The way he looks at me. I don't understand why he's not mad. I can't...I. I'm so sorry. I. I'm trying to make it up to you, I promise. I just have to fix myself first.
Angel. She wants to be like me. A horrible, horrible mistake. I might've come to terms with what I am, what I've become, but she shouldn't want what I have. I...I know deep down I don't need it, whatever I tell myself, but I'm hooked on it. I finally have control; that's why I do it. She doesn't need that, she doesn't need this lifestyle. I've tried so hard to coax her away from it and stop her. It worries me so much, makes me sick to think that she'll be in this world. It's not good. It doesn't make you feel good. She's too innocent. She's not supposed to be like me. I didn't mean to fail. I didn't mean to...to. I. I don't know. I. I don't. Know. I wanted to be a good father...to...I.
...If I have to train her to survive, I will.
I don't doubt I'd be dead if she hadn't found me, but I don't even know if I would be upset if she hadn't. I hate that I haven't stopped from trying to...fix myself, but she doesn't seem to realize that I can't just stop. She keeps telling me that I'm still Marc and that I'll always be me, but she wasn't the one who was turned into something horrible. Something not human. She doesn't know...she doesn't. She doesn't realize she really can't help me, not in the way she wants. It helps though, her little acts of kindness I don't deserve. I don't know why she keeps trying; I would've given up on me a long time ago. Why won't she already? Doesn't she know I'm just going to keep disappointing her? I've yelled and snapped and done so many horrible things around her. I'm ready for her to stop. Why won't she stop? She knows how bad I am. I wish she didn't.
...He's... alright all things considered. Far kinder than most clan cats Sylvia and I run into, but I really honestly think it's only cause he's got heart eyes for Sylv. Regardless, I'm not gonna judge him too harshly, I mean Sylvia always did attract a lot of cats- Really I feel bad for him because Sylv is and always has been an oblivious.. adorable oblivious fool. Maybe I'll help the poor guy out a little with Sylv though, so long as he doesn't hurt her- because then we will have problems.
He's...brigh-bright and... wa r m and...
I-I-I... I do-don.t..I- Um.. N-No....