I hate making constant bitching bulletins, I really do, but I'm just so unbelievably done...

In the past week, exactly 1 week. I've had to:

Put down my cat because of liver failure. Owe the vet office 400$ for that... partly for the medicine that didn't help him get better.

I went under investigation for my job and had to explain how I made a mistake. An accidental one, but a 'big' one. So for 2 days I was suspended from work and had to sit at home on my hands wondering if I lost my job.

Lost my job Monday because of that investigation, over a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY. Literally, I made my company close to 200k+ last year, but because some guy cancelled a 300$ renters policy they cut ties with me. My income has been cut in half now and my wife is the only one working. She is supporting me, how the fuck does that even work? I'm a fucking man, and I can't even support my own fucking wife. I loved my job, not like, love. How many people can say that? How many people fucking bitch about their everyday life? I wasn't one of them. Ever.

Did my step father's taxes, FOR FREE, and he bitches saying I did something wrong when he owes 1k to federal. When he claims 2 dependants and doesn't have 2.

Now, I'm sitting at my work computer, slowly feeling better, working on coloring my myo cupid which is due the day after tomorrow, and my computer shuts off, and doesn't come back on. It's older, but it's durable, least till now. Now my gifts to friends, my myo cupid and dreamy are sitting on a computer that won't come on.

Here I am, just so far gone. I've never felt suicidal before, and it's terrifying that I even feel that way, even remotely. I don't know why I'm making this... I feel like the most drama of all drama on this site. I believe in karma and God and that there is more good in the world than evil. I feel terrible for even thinking my life is shit now compared to so many others that have it worse, but pain is relative to the individual. And I just pray that there is something to look forward to down this road.

Life hasn't been too kind to me recently, I feel tired and anxious. I thought this weekend (Tuesday,Wednesday) Would be really relaxing with some personal art to do, but instead my wife's been in a lot of abdominal pain, on top of the fact that our oldest cat Ser Pounce had to be rushed to the vet. He's had issues before with urinary problems but has since been fixed and is regulated with special diet food (which costs me about 50$ a month) He's overweight but my wife loves him to pieces and seeing her in the vet office with me crying her eyes out because her best buddy may die was so heartbreaking... It's hard to be the strong one for her sometimes; I love her so much and I always want her happy, so I have to write this down as one of the worst days yet for us. To top it off they wanted 600$ to run all the tests and bloodwork... which I would be fine with paying, if I didn't already pay off half my bills + rent. So I walked out with a 254$ bill instead and some medicine that may or may not help him, the system is fucked up. Anyway... Here is my little buddy:

Aside from that I didn't get any time to draw... I have the Cupid MYO due next week and I lack inspiration. I'm still mad I lost progress on some previous artwork begacause of a Sai crash and it really turns me off from trying to take commissions which I do want to do in the future. I want to finish some gifts really bad, I really owe a dear friend of mine a lot and I hate putting her off for other things. I have to 'Remember things can always be worse.' But it's fucking hard when 'worse' keeps knocking you over as you get back up.

I also made the choice to protect all my characters and leave them for authorized users only. I really only want my friends to see them and I still need to add/subtract to that list but the way this month has been so far has made me want to recede back from the community, which is weird because I'm a pretty open person normally... I really don't know why I'm posting this... probably to get it off my chest. So even if it doesn't affect others, it at least makes me feel better.

Know how to fix this pos? The tumbnail is completely black.

I'm literally so done I want to punch a wall in my house.

So Close when finishing something really important with a deadline and having to go to work in the middle of it. I have to house sit tonight too because my best friend left me on vacation for Mickey Land.

Insert any crying gif here

When you always miss your favorite artist's commission slots...

Cry with me plz ;_; Anyone...

I haven't been 'arting' much and unfortunately I'll have to put some things on a hold because work is about to get really busy again since television marketing is about to be turned on. I have Silk MYOs to finish, and a lot of my spare time will be thrown into making a group on DA, so... watch out for that. But I will get everything done, just going to take the snail even longer.

Update on the Last Bulletin:

For those that were concerned about the whole art comission from two years ago, I sent them a polite note asking them about the wip they presented to me in August, they read the note about  2 and a half weeks back but have not said anything to me. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, but if they do not respond within a month from when they read the note I am telling them to give me a refund and that I will go public with the experience and their name. I think that's only fair, and please correct me if I'm being to harsh with this. Again, I think I am the 1 fluke that they had, but being ignored is not something I will ever tolerate. It's rude, I at least deserve an explaination or something for my persistence. I'm not upset about the money still, I could care less... but this whole situation rubs me the wrong way.

Finally:

None of my characters are for trade. Ever. I've received notes in the past about Rajah and Ha-lia a few times from a few people. If they have a profile and are linked with other ocs it means they are off limits. Thank you for being understanding, I didn't anticipate it continuing but I was just throwing it out there.

https://toyhou.se/~bulletins/6104.meowl-auction-

Puru is holding a Meowl auction with a few extras. You should check it out! Pretty babies *u*

The stone is all gone now as well as the pain and while I'm having to work more to make up money from being bedridden I'm drawing more and I hope to get a good chunk done tomorrow (Wednesday) since it will be my day off. I do want to apologize to the 3 people currently waiting on commissions and I do want you to know I appreciate you being patient with me while I got through this, it really took a load of stress off me while I was busy dealing with other things. If you have any questions feel free to note or pm me on here or DA. I may stream but I'm unsure right now... I'll post a link if I do.

For those that I owe art to: I managed to work on all projects today, but only while I had injected medicine going through me, since I am passing a kidney stone... (come to find out that can cause abdominal and head pain. exlains my recent blehness) While the stone itself has 'dropped' it still may take a few days to pass. I just wanted to update you all on your art and where I stand on it.

@ShadowedLullaby : Lining Outfit (took me a few tries to get one decent)

PetitexCosette : Lining Body/Sketching Wings

@Lalagilr : Soft Shading (Tail, eyes, skin all done)