Early

Going back way, way before....i don't think the couple expected to have more than one, let alone four children! maybe our fault they started having money issues but...again, maybe only partly our fault. they never were that good with money. it did not help that mother was a damn hoarder. celia said that she only liked collecting things but jeeez! she probably tried to choke one of us at some point with one of those fucking rosaries. god i hate to admit it, but what an exciting way to die! just...a young little girl, who truly believes in whatever her mother is bullshitting to her..ends up getting killed by a rosary that her mother is holding! man, i should become a writer, not celia...anyways yeah, mother was fuckin' crazy. she kinda doomed us from the start, to tell you the truth! after we started living in this hellhole, she was aaaaalllll over the stupid nerd. what the fuck was up with her and the number 3 ?? even the bootlikcer found it weird as fuck. dad was like, hey knock it up you weirdo you're not the person whom i married. she got normal again after like, 2 fucking years or some shit. she probably remembered that other than the crybaby, there were three other brats that she needed to feed. man.

huh...well, i don't remember much of what happened when i was like...six i guess. weird or not, i don't know. maybe my memory is just shitty. who cares anyways...but i can tell that neoma was loved, celia was loved, i thin joelle was loved too i am not sure. wait, yeah she was. i think i just existed. even when i almost drowned, Rena would fucking need to have the crybaby plead for my life. too bad i was cursed...but...i think i was feeling some things. betrayal, fear,...hm...i think i am cursed, but...not from birth. it is something entirely different that really cursed me.

...well...what did we do, what did we do...?nothing interesting, really. rena was obsessed and put us through more and more shitty situations, like that one time a guy tried to kill her for some...i think there was debt?? james took care of it though, and the man did not ever come back. i think he was reported missing and i remember neoma and joelle being so impressed...and celia went to puke outside. then james scolded her.

Middle

well, during that time, I tried to make myself useful. i really, really, reaaally wanted to help around the house! ah...i could probably do so, so much more right now if i were not crippled with so much pain..oh, the agony. an even worse pain though was not being able to help the lovely mom around the house, and dad lying to your face about how he loves you as much as your other siblings...i..i think that was a bit rude, my apologies. but...i know dad did not love me. I reminded him too much of..mom. which is weird. does that mean they were living in an unhappy marriage ? I would not be surprised. when i was 7 years old, they fought a lot. one day, dad stormed into me and my siblings' shared room, took the religious scriptures and ripped them to pieces while screaming at me. mom tried to stop him, but he just pushed her away. I was terrified, what was i doing wrong ? i was just reading..naomie says it was for the best. and it is surprising for Naomie to admit that dad did something positive... though,..dearest naomie...she cried with me that night because she was scared for both of us. naomie was the only one who ever cried for me! 

i know it, I just know it. mom and dad only give a shit about me, and it's not surprising. after all, i am the only one who is useful. crybaby and the cunt used to cry a whole lot. joey was just chilling, i guess. but that was not fun enough for me. remember when i said i know i am the favorite ? yeah, well i used to have fun training with dad! or, sir i should say. yeah, that old man used to make me call him that. i don't fucking know why, i think it's dumb but i don't care. sir taught me a lot of things, like fighting and using whatever i could find to use for my survival. he used to say that i should have been born a boy. meh. old man was crazy sometimes, i could probably beat up any boy that comes in my way. boys are stupid anyways. i know that cause old man used to make mom cry a lot. sometimes she deserved it..other times, not really. I used to yell at sir about that. jeez. but mom was weird sometimes. she was crazy as fuck about Celia but very calm with me. yeah, it's probably 'cause i'm the favorite. i did not need to be disciplined in a "religious" way 'cause i was and am perfect already. yeah. perfect.

Late 

i saw a weird animal once. it was…a...hmm…oh, right…not an animal. just a weird boy. boys are truly…well, i can’t really say…the only men i know are james, carlos and…kit. kit. he was the weird kid i saw, i am sure of it. he and carlos come much later though…before that… the old bastard taking care of me was. something. i think he became worse. he hit her…he did not even hit rena before. so weird. people are so…weird. everything was weird. but also…that was normal. I had gotten used to it. Celia reads and teaches me new words. Joelle makes me laugh sometimes. Neoma insults me and fights. rena, well… she seemed less insane than usual. James was a weird bastard. 

let me think…ah yeah. i think i remember something…the book..yes, Celia gave me a book. it was all about reptiles. i love them. they’re so..unique and weird…i like their weirdness and funny looks…especially, geckos. they look insane. I remember even reading that they don’t have eyelids…? or was that specific to some species?…i should ask Celia. Anyways, geckos are nice. 

the crybaby was useful for once. she did not complain when i forced her to help me steal some books from a store. fucking hilarious, you should have seen that dumb face of hers. she did not even realize it until too late! now, the book is mine. sir will be so happy when he sees what kind of book it is. all about super cool fighting techniques! well that’s what I thought. old motherfucker hit me with the book on my head. i kicked him in the dick. he deserved it. how dare he hit me like that? i know I was the favorite, so why not hurt the short one or crybaby?? he gave me a beating. mom stopped him though. he then told me I should teach that to my siblings. he meant discipline and respect and while it hurt like shit, i learned some moves from him. 

a small, VERY small part of me wonder on why he started training me less though. mom would tell he was looking for a job but sometimes he took Joey with him! maybe he wanted to teach other shit? i dont fucking know. but it was fine. i like joey. she is smart.

Adolescence

biggest mistake of my fucking life. 

this bitch, this fucking…crazier than mother. smart like dad. She fucking had us fooled. no, had ME fooled. It was my fault. all of it. little bitch…she helped us so much. gave us food and clothing and our parents were so fucking grateful for her. i wonder what they would think now. do they know what happened? man…she seemed so nice to me too. i was surprised cause she seemed so… i don’t fucking know, fuck. like celia. she cared. she showed love. she, she cared for us all. all of us. no one was neglected. i was so fucking happy during that time too, going out to work with dad and shit. man, the customers were super fucking harsh. so much complaints. and we had no fucking right to complain either because we were finally getting food and…and we had a friend! fuck! none of us had friends until her. we..strangely have “friends” now because of her. motherfucker. this motherfucker was only acting. she pretended to care about us. even a fucker like me who cannot feel for shit fell for that. piece of shit. if only dad was around more, maybe he would have caught on this weird shit. it was not normal at all.

mother was just a STUPID piece of shit, naive and weak as fuck. the mother’s job is to protect us? yeah? what a joke. an absolute fucking joke. i am not laughing anymore, nothing is funny about it anymore. i hope she and that crazy bitch rot in hell.

well…weird time…really weird time…

i feel…awfully guilty. i could have…saved us all. I really could..screw those books if i was just a stupid little girl outside of them…

i really thought it was the best time in my life…mom was very nice to me…she tried to be nicer to naomie too but…it would not work out between them.

she was trying though! and dad was going to work! and, and we even had food! new clothing too! 

.

.

.

why didn’t I speak up when i found this suspicious? why didn’t i speak up when she told me that she hid “many secrets?” why ? of course she couldn’t get those resources from…herself…she was…she was just like us! she was normal! all was well…and yet…this still happened…

Accident

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SUBLORE 6 HEADER

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