the first two i havent known as long, but they recently got an apartment together. but they stress me the heck out. he's living off of (i'm assuming) his dads life insurance, and is just... spending the crap out of it. they dont even have a couch or a table in their livingroom, they use his one recliner, a fold out chair, and those little foldable tables. o-o everytime i come over. oh and a tiny kid-size bean bag chair thing.... and everytime i come over, they either wanna go out to eat, hardly talk to me, or only watch powerpuff girls/rugrats??? I understand being depressed 100% but the fact that one of them is paying for all of the bills and neither of them are super worried about finding a job asap??? stresses me the hell out. and they're not worried. and they have just slowly died out from talking to me and their excuse is cause i work too much? i have my phone on me like 24/7 i respond asap, that isnt... really an excuse :^) they dont even ask when i have days/time off to hangout and i wanna help them and make them happy but everytime i help its literally doing the work for them and it breaks my heart and SOLE cause i literally cleaned their livingroom and swept everywhere else, and helped vacuum. there was guineapig poop and hay and the amount of dirt/dust/lint/etc that vacuum got was just not okay...;;; and i did that maybe??? a month ago? now it's like almost back to normal! (back to normal as in... back to almost how messy it was before i cleaned it) except less guinea pigs, but she went and got a new baby guinea pig this week? like you have no joB YOUR NOT HELPING WITH BILLS ~why are you buying a guinea pig~ and taking them to the vet and giving them perscriptions cause they're staying sick i just dONT UNDERSTAND WHY

~i dont freaking know where to start with this lassie~ i really truly dont. 

she's the most self centered person i know. the most assuming, the most.. moronic/ignorant, stressful, unobservant..... im out of words for her lmao 

this past summer uh... i was beginning a fling for a guy. and i've known this guy since like uh... probably 7th grade?? 8th grade? and i'm 20 now. and i just started up and talking to him again. we started hanging out and he was being romantic and we were being flirty, i gave him my first kiss uh.... and he drops off the face of the earth and avoids me for 2 weeks straight, not talking to me, not trying to hangout with me, his excuse was 'figuring out he didnt like me' which... apparently in reality was just that i wouldnt have sex with him. AHA. and only until after i go through 2 weeks of... liking a guy who i know is ignoring me and probably changing his mind about me despite me being super nice and i hope everything kind, giving, happy, wonderful kind of girl a guy would like??? uh.. one of the friends from the first spoiler apparently knew about his ways and that he's like that and apparently he's just selfish and uses girls left and right (through like 10 girls in the past 2 years maybe more, no clue, not my biz) i didnt know that cause he knew what he was doing to hide his ways lol. but uh.. apparently in those 2 weeks he was avoiding me, he was talking to this selfish frand. and they were flirting, and apparently started dating. and i didnt know about this for an entire damn month because she kept it behind my back. when he was avoiding me, he began to date her. neither of them told me. she told me at the time they were talking about me and she was helping him get through what he needed to get through. and you can... get where that went from there. uh... she went on vacation and the day after she came back, me, different friend from spoiler 1, selfish lass and this dick of a human being hung out and she was just so on him, they were holding hands and joking around with eachother and she was basically not noticing me at all and just keeping to herself. at the time i knew something was up, but still had no idea. i asked her to respect i was still trying to let my feelings for him die out and she just basically rubbed it in my face and they were snuggling and just.. all over eachother. she was kinda hiding it  but not very hard. uh... that night i go to take friend #1 home, and dick and selfish stayed in the basement for a bit but it was just me and friend #1 in the car. i bawled. and my anxiety came out. and i trembled but the instant dick came into the car i stopped n stayed quiet. it was nighttime so it wasnt super obvious. i thought selfish was in the car but apparently she wasnt. the fact that i had to take dick home myself was absurd??? cause she picked him up. she didnt even say goodbye to me but uh....  friend #2 (from spoiler 1) and friend #1 i guess knew the whole thing. friend #2 the next day told me everything and good heavens i havent had that bad of a panic/anxiety attack in a solid year perhaps. i was trembling as if it was like -20 outside, but we were in a warm car just talking and she told me everything. which... now that i think about it, am surprised they kept it from me too. i blocked selfish on facebook, she told me mostly everything???? and uh.... we stopped talking. she'd ask me random questions about when she'd need things or i'd remember i had left my ps4 at her house and wanted to come get it/have my mom pick it up for me. we're just now talking again? because i'm... being nice and giving her a second chance.  

in the past she's been a VERY selfish, manipulative, overbearing, obsessive, controlling friend. i have been through emotional and mental abuse with her cause she knows me she knows how to shut me down/make me feel bad about small things/get me to agree but i've been mostly picking up and going against it cause i'm just tired of it. she wont discuss probblems out with me face to face, i dont know why. she assumes i'm a selfish asshole most the time when 99.9% of the time its the other way around? i'm human and i mess up but i'd be rich on the times she's assumed things of me and been wrong >_> even this past summer when we werent talking, friend #1 and #2 sided with me after we split up, and she kinda met with #1 and (i respected his wishes completely) she assumed i was forcing him to pick a side? and was telling him horrible lies about her and all of this crap drama... i had no idea what she was talking about because he (#1) asked a friend i dont even know about on the issue, they were giving him their opinion and he went with it. i had nothing to do with that and she BLEW up on me assuming it was me and i was being a manipulative piece of garbage.  

so a few nights ago, we were supposed to hang out. she didnt tell me she got called into work for 3 hours, didnt tell me that 2 extra people were coming along and we were meeting another person there, and not only did she seclude me the ENTIRE NIGHT, coming up to me being like "I'm sorry you're secluded/not included. i dont know what to do, but i love you and i'm sorry" then would just go right back to what she was doing beforehand. but not only did she and they seclude me, the restaurants staff did too? they didnt speak to me at all the entire night, i had been sick and had only eaten that morning, it was like 8:30 by this time, im so appaled that they did like ~that was my first time going to that restaurant too~ and she like... kinda apologized? but i messaged her today since she asked how i was doing and i just kinda spewed everything. and she thought i was shutting her out? and expecting all of her attention to be on me the entire night?? like are you freaking serious. me being quiet cause im sick and literally have no voice means i'm shutting you out and me, being slightly anxious meeting new people not knowing how to conversate cause im an introvert and had NO prior notice +still being sick and feeling like poop means im shutting u out?  

I dont freaking know what to do anymore. she still hasn't responded to what i messaged her. and i cried during that because i'm still absurdly hurt from what she did this summer and she acts like everythings fine and has asked if we're best friends already and i hardly was beginning to trust her and after THAT stunt of me crying and being humiliated not only by her and that group but by the damn restaurant it's gone back down to the negatives. 

and she's still upset with me, and thinks i'm being a selfish, quiet, asshat.