hi friends :) i did this design in collaboration with my friend lovetown and it is still open for offers starting at $35 please check it out and show your friends 

https://toyhou.se/21616292.adopt-chinchilla

content warnings: mentions of stalking, trauma, mental health, chronic illness, gender dysphoria, uncensored blood in artwork, mentions of drugs

recently, i've been trying really hard to draw less, because drawing tends to cause injury/pain to myself as a result of my connective tissue disorder in combination with my fixation on drawing. i succeeded at not drawing yesterday by making a toyhouse profile for my fursona, maxwell, and in doing so i realized how good of a distraction it is to talk about my fursona/art/favorite things, so i thought i would try to do that again today.

for the fun of it, i'd like to share some of my old art and some of my thoughts on it, and then progress until i reach the present day. i started drawing when i was a child and never stopped, when i was young, it was mostly animals and littlest pet shops. then when i was 8, i started reading warriors and became more focused on drawing cats.  t

i made my first deviantart account when i was 11 (which is against the rules) and so the moderators deleted my account because i was stupid enough to outright say that i was 11. LMFAO. unfortunately all of the art on this account is still up even though the account itself is deactivated by deviantart, and i have no idea how to get access to the account to private the art. most of it is incredibly embarrassing so i won't share the username, but in a way, i'm glad the art is still there. 

Aug 17, 2014. Age: 11
this is an example of my digital art from the time. it was all done with a mouse in ms paint on my dad's computer. this was a snow leopard original character named indigo. she was based on the snow leopard from animal jam. 

Aug 18, 2014. Age: 11
i did loads of traditional art. every day i would draw multiple finished pieces in my sketchbook i was crazy. it was mostly sparklecats like the one above, animal jam characters, wings of fire characters, or warrior cats. 

Sep 12, 2014. Age: 11
Aug 24, 2014. Age: 11
this was my fursona at the time! spottedfoot was my first ever fursona, she was my warrior cats oc. i have no idea what year i made her, but i know i started reading warriors when i was 8 years old. spottedfoot changed a lot over the years and her traits varied depending on my mood. she often had wings and/or two tails. i think i identified with snow leopards at the time because spottedfoot looked like one. 

Nov 3, 2014. Age: 11
this one is incredibly funny to me. i uploaded such terrible quality photos and images ALWAYS.. and I DIDN'T CARE!!!!!! and i thought i made this cat oc so much cooler by making her part rat (see the tail) and by giving her a million colors, accessories, and markings. i think sparkleanimals are awesome. i miss when i would just make designs without caring about anything.. good times... 

Aug 18, 2014. Age: 11
Sep 27, 2014. Age: 11
we need to start making sparkleanimals without caring about their designs or colors. this was so good.

After a few months of posting, my deviantart account was deactivated by the moderators because i said i was 11..................so i made a new account immediately, never talked about my age, and it's still the account i use today! my first username on this account was snowleoparddragon999 and the first drawing i uploaded was this digital one.

Dec 1, 2014 Age: 11
this was an entry to a draw to adopt closed species adoptable, hosted by aliensphynx . drawn in ms paint with a mouse on my dad's computer. i remember obsessively redrawing this piece for months, as if i had won and i owned the character. 

Mar 21, 2015. Age: 11
Mar 16, 2015. Age: 11
Apr 28, 2015. Age: 12
May 4, 2015. Age: 12
the kinkajou wings of fire fanart has been spread so far on Pinterest and amino and has been traced more times than i can count. its hilarious to me. there was an obvious gap in quality between my traditional and digital art, but i literally did not care and continued to do both. the digital ones were still done with a mouse on my dad's computer in ms paint because i had no idea what else i could use. I even started taking commissions when i was 11, taking deviantart points and asking for 30 points (30 cents) for a finished drawing.

now we, unfortunately, reach a dark place in my journey. i deleted all of my art from 2016 because my friend's mother was stalking me online at the time which was severely traumatizing to me. to this day i still dream of her constantly. to complicate matters further, during this time, i was starting to question my sexuality and gender, which was difficult as i was being watched. i will not go into more detail about my stalking. 

because i deleted all of my posts, all of the art i have from 2016 are images from my stash storage, and thankfully, i have a fair amount of it. i drew A LOT this year because this was around the time i created my second fursona, magi. she was originally a fan character named dawn for the anime fairytail, and was an exceed, a catlike species from the anime.

June 21, 2016. Age: 13
June 24, 2016. Age: 13
(Dates lost for others but presumably the same general time)
this character went on to become my first proper fursona after i separated her from fairytail. i renamed her from dawn to magi, and changed my username from snowleoparddragon999 to magikitty. i always referred to magi as a "feline," but i believe she was specifically part cat and part leopard. at this point, half of my digital art was made with a mouse in ms paint on my dad's computer and half of it was made with a mouse in scratch.mit.edu on my own computer which i had saved up for and bought. my first computer was a shitty Chromebook and i was so mad i couldn't figure out how to use ms paint on it. I did drawings on damuro as well, the art program built into deviantart.

Various dates during 2016
i was really doing it all at this point. traditional art, feral, anthro, pixel, ms paint, scratch, animal jam, and i loved it.

magi was THRIVING! i got art of magi by griffsnuff, captyns, and TRUNSWICKED who were idols to me at the time. 

June 21, 2016. Age: 13
these were my commission prices at age 13....
like i said, i deleted all of my art because i was being stalked, so the examples are missing.

MAXIE: THE PROTOTYPE MAXWELL

December 2016. Age: 13
This is the first version of my third and current fursona! i honestly don't remember what inspired me to make this design. i would assume that it was because i was struggling mentally at this time with trauma and questioning my identity and i felt like magi didn't fully represent me anymore.

COMING UP SOON:
2017: "A DRAW A DAY"

for whatever reason, i decided i would draw one of my ocs every day in 2017. so i did. i don't regret doing this at all because i think it helped me improve my art and express myself a lot, but it was also very stressful and probably caused mental and physical damage as well. whatever.

so yeah this is what i would do ^ post a drawing every day and make the title the number. i only missed a handful of days and made up for them as quickly as i could, and i remember i even scheduled some drawings to be posted automatically on days i knew i would be going camping or away from home. i was really invested in it.

Jan 26, 2017. Age: 13
Feb 6, 2017. Age: 13
Feb 9, 2017. Age: 13
Feb 23, 2017. Age: 13

at this point in time, i was still using magi as my name and fursona, while this character, maxie, was a side sona i used to help me explore my gender and self. i was very afraid and anxious and upset as i slowly figured out that i am gay and trans. the digital work here was done with a mouse in ms paint or firealpaca. 

I FINALLY GOT A DRAWING TABLET SO EVERYTHING AFTER HERE IS DRAWN ON A TABLET. LOL. i used medibang and firealpaca and then paint tool sai.

Apr 10, 2017. Age: 14
May 8, 2017. Age: 14
I was really struggling with how to represent myself during this time. magi felt too feminine, maxie felt too sad/foreign, and sprout (black cat) was a character i found comfort in and used to represent myself but nothing really felt right.

Jun 1, 2017. Age: 14
at this time, i was using maxie, magi, and sprout (all pictured above) as fursonas simultaneously. the identity questioning/problems are very evident by the variety in fursona here...lol..... i had accepted that i am nonbinary but i was still unsure what label to use for my sexuality and i called myself gay. i had been having crushes on my friends for the last couple years, who were either girls or nonbinary people. 

Jun 12, 2017. Age: 14
June 17, 2017. Age: 14
Jun 30, 2017. Age: 14
FINALLY ACCEPTING THAT IM TRANS YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY but i still had 3 fursonas and to make things worse, ANOTHER ONE WAS BEING DEVELOPED.

Jun 14, 2017. Age: 14
Jun 16, 2017. Age: 14
Jun 13, 2017. Age: 14
June 19, 2017. Age: 14

this black cat character was a new version of sprout, named MAX. he was the first character i ever used to represent myself that used he/him pronouns. he was my first experience with expressing my masculinity, and he was also infected with painful fungus at all times and was kind of fucked up. says something about my mental state idk. on the right we have more images of maxie where i was expressing my struggles with gender. they're wearing a binder because i was able to start binding around that time, by borrowing my friend's binder and wearing it in secret. it was a really scary time for me. i was INCREDIBLY STRESSED this summer because i was about to start high school. for context i was homeschooled starting after first grade and didn't go to school until high school. i felt immense pressure to figure myself out so i could change my name and presentation when i started school.

Jul 2, 2017. Age: 14
(second pic is July 4)
Jul 10, 2017. Age: 14
Aug 15, 2017. Age: 14

on July 4, 2017, age 14, i met miles mckenna/mileschronicles because he was at my mom's workplace. it was really surreal having someone ask me for my name and pronouns for the first time and gave me a boost of confidence in discovering my identity. 

Sep 16, 2017. Age: 14
Sep 11, 2017. Age: 14
Oct 30, 2017. Age: 14

HONESTLY MY ART WAS SLAPPING HERE. i wish i could still do clean lines like this. i was making some really cool stuff as i gained skills from drawing every day and confidence from exploring my gender identity and coming to terms with it all. i started going to school and i picked my name: max! and went by they/them exclusively. and got misgendered every day which sucked. but there were other trans people at my school and i was happy about that. 

Nov 28, 2017. Age: 14

i also started collecting FURBYS in December of 2017 and they changed my life. i brought one to school every day to help me cope with my anxiety about school, and they even helped me make friends with my classmates. my interest in fraggle rock also resurfaced around this time. i also started becoming active on tumblr instead of deviantart.

Jan 7, 2018. Age: 14
Jan 15, 2018. Age: 14
Feb 8, 2018. Age: 14

by this point magi was gone.... NO MORE MAGI... and maxie had been renamed to max, now finally on his way to becoming the maxwell he is today! i continued to explore my masculinity and max's design changed with me as i grew. finally all of my other side fursonas had gone to wait on the side because i finally had a stronger sense of identity. this was also around the time when i changed my username from magikitty to pawpplio, since magi no longer represented me as a fursona anymore. pawpplio is a combination of paw and popplio (my favorite pokemon) and i still love this username. 

Apr 6, 2018. Age: 15
May 31, 2018. Age: 15
Jun 1, 2018. Age: 15
Jun 10, 2018. Age: 15
Jun 18, 2018. Age: 15

CONSISTENCY? IN MY MAXWELL'S ART? all of these look the same. they're okay i guess they're cute.
by this time, i had developed a sense of identity to project to others around me at school. this consisted of wearing floral button-up shirts. it's silly, but this helped me a lot in feeling comfortable in transmasculinity, and as a result, i finally realized that i am transmasculine and bisexual!!!!! I'm very proud of myself and how many struggles i have overcome in regard to my personal identity. 

Jul 14, 2018. Age: 15
Jul 15, 2018. Age: 15
Jul 28, 2018. Age: 15
Sep 23, 2018. Age: 15

Aug 2, 2018. Age: 15
Nov 3, 2018. Age: 15
Aug 14, 2018. Age: 15

2018 was so good tbh. i started listening to gorillaz and going rollerskating/blading and getting closer with my friends. i was just having fun with art during this time. 

Nov 25, 2018. Age: 15
Dec 26, 2018. Age: 15
November 20, 2018. Age: 15

entering my CRINGEFAIL ERA where i fixated on danganronpa..................... i was also briefly very interested in medicine and the bubonic plague. i still love the bubonic plague tbh. 

Feb 11, 2019. Age: 15
Feb 11, 2019. Age: 15
Mar 30, 2019. Age: 15
Mar 30, 2019. Age: 15

this first image was drawn when i met tigerlily in real life for the first time. the third one is the first time i drew maxwell as a clown. the beginnings of good things... unfortunately also the beginnings of bad things. I'm pretty sure i started wearing a wrist brace around this time because my wrist pain had gotten so bad. i have no idea when it started though ... it just kind of crept up on me and keeps getting continually worse which is funny (no it's not 

Jul 9, 2019. Age: 16
Sep 10, 2019. Age: 16
i also redrew magi a couple times this year and made him have top scars/present more masculine :) this is when i started using clip studio paint.

Nov 1, 2019. Age: 16
sprout is also still alive. woohoo!

Sep 10, 2019. Age: 16
Sep 2, 2019. Age: 16
Nov 24, 2019. Age: 16
these are maxwells that feel completely modern to me. i still feel like this version of myself, more or less. continuing to embrace tropical and clown themes and having fun with bright colors. i also made my maxwell fursuit head and paws this year. started getting interested and invested in beastars during this time too.....shishigumi obsession......... this was also the year i started to use twitter more than tumblr.

MAXWELL 2020

Feb 22, 2020. Age: 16
maxwell has been split into multiple maxwells but honestly these hold up so well. i love all of these designs for him and i think this is one of the best ref sheets I've ever made. i honestly do not know how i drew this  i keep looking back at my art and not feeling like i could recreate it help lol. 

2020. Age: 17
the pandemic started and i had my 17th birthday alone in my room wooooo let's goooo. by june this year i finally started hormone replacement therapy. my parents had told me i wasn't allowed to transition ever since i came out before starting high school. i was really really relieved i was able to convince them to let me start testosterone, even though it took years of suffering first. in April 2020 i became interested in project moon, and by August 2020 i became aware of the existence of emma and noah. i am a changed man now. 

2020. Age: 17
not much to say about these because theyre so recent but I'm continuing to have fun embracing tropical and circus themes with my fursona. pretty sure my wrist pain has gotten pretty severe by this point as well but i continued to ignore it like always #fail 

MAXWELL 2021

tbh this ref sheet slaps. I'm still super happy with it and i haven't updated it yet but i really should because his design keeps changing again. LOL

2021. Age: 18
i had another gender revelation where i finally fully realized the gender binary is made up so i decided to be liongender #swag. also celebrated 1 year on HRT let's gooo WOOO HOO!!!! I'm sooo happy with how far I've come in my transition i am transmasc swag. i honestly did not draw my fursona much this year because i was either too busy being obsessed with emmanoah or i was in too much pain to draw anything. it's really upsetting to me, but the truth is that as time passes, my connective tissue disorder seems to be getting worse and worse and i can't afford to spend as much time on my art anymore. it makes me sad.

2021. Age: 18
in august of this year i made a huge step in life by moving out and going to university in oregon. this lion/fursona painting was a project i made in my painting class. going to college has been one of the best things to ever happen to me and i am really grateful to be able to. 

MAXWELL 2022

early 2022. Age: 18
i haven't been drawing my fursona as much because, as i said, i was either drawing emmanoah or in too much pain to draw. in addition, i felt disconnected from maxwell and like he did not represent myself anymore, which is why i drew the first image here, showing maxwell on the left and a more "accurate" maxwell on the right. the important parts about this image are his/my glasses and (elbow+wrist) braces. i had never considered my fursona as a character who would have the same health problems as myself and it was scary to address that.

MAXWELL 2022.............2! 

2022. Age: 19
i am doing whatever i want with these tbh. art is too painful for me to spend too much time worrying about whether or not my art is "good". i just want to have fun and make the things i have ideas for in my head. maxwell has become part zebra as i accept and cope with my ehlers danlos syndrome/connective tissue disorder which is represented by zebras. unfortunately my body is falling apart and i am pretty much always in pain unless i am on drugs so many of these newer maxwells have been drawn in that state.

natural color maxwell

2022. Age: 19
my budding idea from the beginning of the year of a more "accurate" maxwell has started to take shape. these designs are helping me feel more comfortable in my body.

2022. Age: 19 
I'm really proud of these headshot drawings. i love colors. i love drawing. i love my fursona. i love being alive and being able to make art. 

I'm proud of myself for how far i have come and i hope to be able to continue creating for the rest of my life.

CONCLUSION: it is now 2am and i am very tired and in a lot of pain and i will now try to sleep ^_^ goodnight and thank you for reading. feel free to comment or send me messages through curiouscat https://curiouscat.live/maxpawb i love connecting with people online to talk about art and how important it is.