(Idk why am I writing this but this been in my mind for so so long. )

Got diagnosed with ASD (or in Dutch, ASS 😂 for 'autisme spectrum stoornis') and been visiting my autism coach for 2 years now despite I was fine as before but its been a good experience to learn more about myself, especially about how I always found myself awkward and unable to make friends/moots or whatever🧍‍♀️

I have came to accept that is fine that way that I keep myself private (staying here with unlisted ocs, avoid using mainstream platforms like X/IG because self-promoting actually caused harms to myself than ever), I know it's healthier this way but it will never stop bother me that perhaps I am shooting my own foot...
Myself the whole time finds it hard to befriend with anyone thinking I can't hear and understand what they say (diagnosed with APD - auditory processing disorder), I have came to think maybe drawing pictures would do. It sorta did but if art is a language then it's not an exclusive language to myself and I really began to not be able to understand what everyone (especially on OC Instagram sphere) been saying.
It is not 'shyness' its just 'language difficulty'? It doesn't matter if I am writing in English that most could understand, it doesn't matter I can draw well and anyone could tell that is a person. Maybe the problem is me but am I just 'broken' or the world evolves in a way I can't comprehend? 

To be honest, it IS a mess. It could also be my art doesn't tick anyone's likings or my characters just... (as debated countless times before) absolutely uninteresting. Or maybe my personality is weird

Once again, 'language difficulty'... I can't ever deny that I feel upset regardless I will saying "I am fine and healthy to live like this! "

This is not an entirely rant post, I am not writing in purpose of "Everyone please pity me"  (a bulletin will show up in everyones notif so I am sorry, I like toyhouse as a OC nursing home and thought this bulletin is like diary journal style despite it should be like for an announcement???? 🤡)
I won't deny that I am upset about myself shooting my own foot but I am not ashamed of myself. It is not a disease that I have, I just miss out a lot on things I daily see my mutuals be doing everyday. Maybe part of me wish I could be a part of their circles too but my 'foot' can't walk to them. If they (or anyone) wish to invite me in then I am sure I would be worried thinking I would be bothering them... Autism is a spectrum and everyone is different so I don't expect hand-holding telling me they can help when they would be having issues to understand me... "People are not going to understand me then so be it, I have to understand people who do want to understand me instead!"

So it is alright, I shall continue live relaxing this way and so be it. My 'voice' can't be widely heard or understood and that's fine as we can move on in life to live well. 

To anyone who found this account and still supporting me... thank you for 'hearing' and 'liking' my 'voice' (OCs or art)     

Anyway, here is a random flex. On transgender visibility day (March 31st but it was March 30 because Easter was the 31st so space who), I did encountered a public speaking and got these badges for donating.... THE AUTISM ONE IS PINK!!!!! IT WAS THE ONLY ONE, I  GOT IT AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA CUTE......................

THERE ARE 15 CHAPTERS TO WRITE TOO

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Okay, for real. I'm actually excited because this gonna mark my one year with these two... which also means a lot for me as a drawer (I'm still refusing to call myself as an artist/illustrator)... forcing to draw 2 characters a lot...meaning to test composition for expressing their affection... plain bg wouldn't cut it so I'm glad I have attempted to go deep into environments (I'm not talking about full blown background like furniture or whatever but environment) and poses without thinking too much about squeaky clean rendering (I still care about that but "perfection" is subjective and can be harmful to ones' mental health)... 

As for writing, I don't know lmao. I literally never read romance novels in English (and anything in English been thrillers and tragedies) so everything been based off observation in script writing/story writing (for films or games) and whatever I was taught in hardcore vietnamese literature class... I think what I wrote been alright at least.

Aisei aren't perfect, my writing isn't the greatest nor is my drawing skills but I feel good about my progression over a year so....... that matters the most~~~!!! 

I just want to write this out because I'm happy with them even if I'm also not well (the Instagram quitting stuff.......)

TREATING THIS AS SOME WEIRDGE DIARY ENTRY OR STH IDK. THE PERSON WHO IS GONNA CELEBRATE THEIR DAY IS ME AND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!