This is going to be word salad most likely so pls bear with me. Been in a weird funk that's partly seasonal affective disorder partly mental health issues that permeate year round regardless of the horrid setting of the sun at fucking 4pm jesus christ. Anyway, I've come to the realization that I don't really like my art, nor my characters, nor the act of drawing or creating. I buy commissions because I don't have to go through the effort of making the picture myself and failing horribly at it. My ideas are either poor in the first place, or poorly executed to the point where it's practically the same thing. My art is unoriginal, my character designs are lackluster, while yes I can make my hands and brain move to make a facsimile of something that may pass as somewhat acceptable I hate it. It's joyless. It's unoriginal and i find myself embarrassed and ashamed of both my past work and whatever drivel my hands will produce if I try to create. I am so far behind peers who are the same age than me I feel like my time cultivating a meager level of skill I have wasted and I'm disappointed of myself. of course, I'm not trying to catastrophize, I've just taken a step back and am simply stating what I think is the truth after stepping away from creating. I've realized I don't miss it. Chibi art is an easy way to make money, and that's it I guess. Can't really be bothered with the rest of it.
Tbh idk if anybody even gives a shit why I haven't been posting art/character stuff, or been in the fourm games. Nobody cares I presume! Which is fine, I can't even bring myself to care.
To those I owe responses to, I'm sorry, I'll do my best to produce something worth reading.
I MEANT TO COMMENT ON THIS AND FORGET I'M SORRY
paramedic's already said some good stuff, i just wanted to add that i doubt it's that nobody cares when you're gone, most people (like me!) probably just assume you've been busy. such is the way with adult life tbh. i do enjoy when i see you around!
i'm sorry things are rough right now, and i hope you find joy in OCs and creating again soon <3
1 year, 9 months ago
IS OKIE DW!!!
Thank you for the insight ;w; sometimes I catastrophise with this stuff, the ole “most people don’t remember that embarrassing thing you did” situation
1 year, 9 months ago
I FEEL YOU FOR SURE. bad brains make rational thought really hard sometimes. Happens to most people at least once, I think, haha :')
1 year, 9 months ago
you know, i remember feeling the same way at your age. i had just started drawing again after quitting in high school and i was so embarrassed and self aware that my art wasn't on par with everyone else's. my friends were all a year to a few years younger than me at the time and we were all into art and felt like, since i grew up as 'good' at art in school, i was just an embarrassment and all my friends were better than me and i was just that bum of an adult who couldn't even draw arms. now, that was five years ago and you can see my art now. its def no where near perfect, and it's still trash to me; but it's my trash.
one thing i learned when it came to art was to stop catering with others for it. not every piece needs to be something that will get me attention or notes or love or money. god LMFAO the money part will eat you up quicker than anything, i've found. my friends and boyfriend would always rave about how i could make money off of this or make money off of that, be it writing or the pixel art i used to do. and you know, at first it was fun, but after a bit it was just exhausting. every time i went to draw (not even for commissions), i'd think about how i needed to somehow profit off of it and it needed to be perfect. you might be going through similar and my advice for that is: make room and time for yourself. every artist of every kind of art needs to make room for themselves with their art.
you sound very broken in on yourself, and i'm sorry that life is making you feel that way in the moment. it's never a good feeling. very painful. even more so when those around you can tell you otherwise but your head has convinced you: they're lying, they just don't want to be mean. i like your characters personally. i like your art. i think of this piece in specific often and how good she looks and how i wish i could do a pose like that in the style its done in. your work is so fluid, it looks effortless, and downright amazing; a huge inspiration to me and i'm four-five years older than you!! age doesn't matter when it comes to art, just as age doesn't matter when it comes to our experiences in life. there will always be people we deem 'better' than us, but just because our brain tells us they are, doesn't mean it's a fact! once i accepted that art isn't a linear concept and is an umbrella of abilities, i actually started to get better at art. did you know, i've never drawn a full body on a tablet and actually colored it up until this year? its janky and silly, but i made an accomplishment! find your passion in your work again. make a goal. what do you want to do that you haven't yet? let the perfection go; it's not going to come out how you pictured, i can 100% guarantee that. but it's okay. you'll have gotten knowledge somewhere in the process.
to err to the side and give you MORE unwanted advice LMFAOOO (this post is gigantic, im so sorry for my yabba yabba yabba); as i've mentioned before to you, i get insanely bad anxiety in these months. the depression rises, and it's a 50/50 on how bad it will be. this year i've decided that i like the night better and actually get excited for the sun to set so i can break out my candles and get the bedroom looking nice and feeling nice. i do self care and give myself something to look forward to for the night. while it doesn't get rid of the anxiety, it's helped that.. disdain and distress towards the daylight issues. maybe you can do something similar. if you're with aloof on the witchcraft train, then i suggest working with the moon from fall - spring and embracing it during that time. i am again, so sorry this is so big, but i am sad to see you struggling and think you're very great!! i hope you can see this, even just a tiny sliver and i hope that whatever you do, be it create or not; there's something that brings more ease to you.
1 year, 9 months ago
SORRY IF THIS SEEMS TO BE A LUKEWARM RESPONSE to this wonderful reply you left ;o; sometimes I can struggle with getting my thoughts and appreciation out there aside from 'hey thanks!'
I've been doing a bit better about catering to others, I draw a lot of things that i don't bother to post not cuz i think it's not worth being seen by others but cuz its just some lil thing I did just for me. The problem is meeting my own standards which are high. Idk I guess I'm like for lack of a better word hypervigilant about the quality of work I produce, I get so embarrassed about everything it baffles me how carefree I was only 2 years ago where I drew so much and legitimately had lots of fun and enjoyed myself. Now I'm like 'is this being handled well? am I being disrespectful? am I botching this? If this was something a lot of people got their eyes on would it be scoffed at for being overrated or something?' To be fair, I myself take a rather keen eye to the artwork i look at/media i consume so I think it's fair to be as critical of myself but idk. Cuz it's not like I'm dogging on beginner artists and I'll go to bad for ONE's art in Mob Psycho 100 despite how many ppl complain it's too ugly to be worth reading when it's not >:(
Thank you for taking the time, I'll try and be more positive and celebrate when I do manage something instead of feeling frustrated and upset about what could have been ;o; and i"m proud of u for getting back into art! It can be rlly rough when youve been away for so long.
and ty for liking that drawing ;___; it was admittedly heavily referenced but i guess lots of art is!
1 year, 9 months ago
don't ever worry about your response to me! i always found posts of advice and the like to be difficult to respond to myself.
you're very much so a prefectionist and that lifestyle is absolutely draining. you're also a people pleasure, which is equally as draining. when you look at how you're trying to please others and then yourself, it's really easy to see how you're failing at the latter and getting absolutely enraged with it. judgement can often be projected from ourselves onto ourselves, so if you're noticing too many flaws in others' work, you're def going to have that paranoia that everyone will see your own, regardless of whether or not you're like 'haha that beginner SUCKS' dsogsdahgd. it's just how it is, unfortunately. we get very blinded by how we perceive the world, we assume everyone else does the same. and in some cases, they might do similar; but if you're not actively scoffing at others' work, they might do the same.
shame, i think is one of the biggest motivation killers. it doesn't matter if people roll their eyes at your work or find it disrespectful. so long as you're not actively trying to draw something to piss everyone off, you don't need to force yourself to take care of others for them. huge problem on the internet, i'm guilty of it too- but we can't be expected to constantly walk on our toes to avoid waking up sleeping beasts. sometimes we gotta face those beasts and say ay dude im doing my own thing, go do urs. horrible analogy OGDGHDSGH but i tried.
1 year, 9 months ago
i feel u! I'm at the point where i'm self aware enough to know my problems but not enough to know what to do about them except howl at the sky cuz it sucks. my god have i been a perfectionist since my earliest memories smh
i rlly appreciate the kind words I finished something today! I think i needed to exorcise my thoughts and chew on the words of encouragement, it will still be difficult but i dont think i want to give up anymore
1 year, 9 months ago