Yooo

So, nothing that hardcore at all, but I need to get all that out of my system, to vent somewhere my other (IRL/college life related) friends can't see. It's all mostly related to my student life tbh and they don't need to see it, but most of all they TRULY don't need that negativity in the current context :(

So as you (might?) know, I live in France. In the current pandemic situation, France (like most other countries) is quarantined and everyone is confined. I ended up at my mother's in the countryside, along with my sister. That alone is soooo much trouble lmao, like it's not that bad and it fluctuates a fucking lot, but overall we're not getting along. And that's gonna last for at least one more month (nightmare)

But mostly, relating college life, god that sucks. (the two following paragraphs are giving you a context lmao, feel free to skip them.)

I went to college without any purpose and project other than "well, it gives me some more time to think about what I want to actually do later!!". First-year was something hard to handle, not many friends, absolutely no social life, and no motivation for studies. The first year in a biology license is very broad in subjects, so I was fighting against the current with 5-10% of classes I enjoyed, and all the rest that I couldn't get a hang on at all. Somehow, I passed and arrived in second year.

Second-year was not that great either, but definitely a bit better at first. I started studying some subjects that fascinated me. However, it wasn't enough to keep me on track: my second semester was a disaster. I skipped all of my classes, even some exams. When I told my teachers I was planning on dropping out and thinking about social assistant training (literally my plan was just doing a full 180°), 3 of them sorta freaked out. They took so much time to explain to me lots of things, talk about my project, etc. They weren't forcing me or anything, just giving me pieces of information I didn't have, putting some light on some dark part of academia I didn't understand, and reassuring me about my skills. They were super sweet. They motivated me to keep trying. I worked super hard the week before exams, and somehow I managed to pass.

And now, I'm in third year. Dude, that's the best fucking year of my life. I ADORE most of my classes. I discovered new things, new subjects, I found out about a huge passion, I built projects !! I felt like I BELONGED there for the first year of my life. Huge impact on that little life of mine, huge impact on my mental (and physical) health.

Now, I wanna get a master degree, and do a Ph.D thesis. I thrive to be an evolutionary biology researcher, and most of all, I want to share all that. I want to teach, and to become a university lecturer. That's not easy, that's not always pleasant, but that's what I want to do.

And right fucking now, college is CLOSED because of the quarantine. Everything is FALLING APART Jesus fuck I hate that.

Class work ?? From a distance. Suddenly and even though me and my friends have been working so efficiently all year long, it goes incredibly bad. No one has understood the same planning, the same task management, everything is wrong. "Hey Alec, you better fix that content table soon" Well I most definitely will, but that'd be easier for me if you didn't fuck up the entirety of the document by exporting, importing, copy/pasting it in every possible way on every possible format. The file is so incredibly fucked up and I have to fix it up and hjvzfbkzjen

Master degrees ?? Well, I'm applying to a few universities. But I don't have any grades/no score for the ongoing semester. Even if I'm accepted, I'm gonna lack a whole semester worth of skill, theoretical knowledge... Everyone will, but that just upsets me a lot.

Field work session in the Southern Alpes in May ?? Canceled. That was the one thing I was so excited about. And it's canceled. For the best obviously, but it just makes me sad.

Exams ?? From a distance. A few students have been complaining about the "short" time between the notification and the actual exam (1 week instead of 2s). Which I believe is rather egoistical: now we might have to re-do it entirely, all of the student promotion and the teachers as well, because they will have to rewrite a whole new subject and re-correct it. Egoistical but easily fixable with a conversation and some MATURITY.
Instead we've got a TORRENT of hatred and violence, both on public groups and even worst in private group chats. And I understand everyone is on edge because of the confinement, and I understand everyone his angry because that's egoistical and unfair (so am I!!). But what the fuck. We're talking about insults, sometimes really menacing and violent ones. We're talking about incitation to violence.
I don't CARE if they are upset, I don't give a FUCK if they don't really mean it, that's 50 shades of not okay. Less than 10 students have been egoistical divas!! Upsetting!! Unfair!! But that's NOT an excuse to do that. I'm fucking horrified.

And I just learned my whole laboratory internship is canceled as well. 8 weeks of research training canceled. That was such an important element of my schooling, and of my life too in general because that's a great experience. I was looking forward to it.

The best year of my life is (mostly) ruined.

I miss thriving in class, I miss the general dynamic of our student group before 1) fucked up distance group work and 2) outburst of verbal violence for stupid shits. I miss my teachers. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Send good vibes and then help me cheer up please
Talk to me about your hobbies your art your cool animals or your OCs if you can thank you