I apologize

Posted 3 years, 6 months ago by Jotaku

I'm so sorry for my absence. I know a lot of people have been wondering after me, and that me going MIA for so long isn't okay. I'm posting this up real quick just to let y'all know I'll be getting back to everyone right after away after I get this bulletin up, and to give a bit of an explanation:

Anyone who's probably paid even a little bit of attention to my posts this year knows I just have not been in a good place. I don't want to overshare or get too much into it here, but tbh I've just been really struggling this year emotionally and mentally. I'm fairly positive I'm suffering from depression, and while I'm pretty sure it's situational/in reaction to stress and life and not anything deeper, it's just been incredibly hard for me to kick myself out of -- especially with how awful this year just in general has been w/ the pandemic and election and etc.

I feel an incredible amount of guilt for how badly it's been affecting my productivity, and that's why I haven't been keeping up with TH like I should; I keep telling myself I'll get back here when I have more comms done, but then that feeds into my stress & guilt further which in turn keeps affecting my productivity, and the next thing I know a few days has turned into weeks. It's awful of me and I know it's awful, but I've just been having such a hard time getting myself out of that cycle. I'm honest to god trying, though, hence my trying to own up to it now. o<-<

As it stands, I'm not going to be taking on any more commissions until I finish up what I have, then I'll see about slowly easing myself back into things one comm at a time. I have 10 at the moment, so not the hugest backlog ever, but it's enough, and it'd be wildly irresponsible of me to take on any more until they're all finished at this point.

In the mean time, I'll be relying on MYOs and potentially quick/sketchy adopts here and there to keep myself afloat financially. I know it's selfish of me to ask given how shitty I've been, but if y'all have some extra funds to spare and would maybe think about picking up a MYO slot when I open to help ease me through this rough time while I try to get on top of things again, I'd greatly, greatly appreciate it. o<-<

I'll be opening probably like 15 flat sale slots in a bit (just selling the slots straight-up, no designing first required like my usual MYO sale events), after I finish responding to PMs and whatnot. If you're interested and already familiar with my MYO prices, feel free to comment that you'd like one here and I'll put you down for one of the slots when I properly open them.

Again, I'm deeply sorry for my absence, lack of professionalism, and any worry I've been putting people through. It isn't an exaggeration to say I've pretty much hit rock bottom in my life rn, but I'm really trying to get myself out of his hole, and I really really appreciate all the care and patience shown to me so far. ;__;

Comments

cilphy

I really really understand so much. This year has just been so tiring and it feels like I'm getting slower at drawing. It's sad cause I remember I used to handle my queue so well and draw several things a day, but now I can barely draw one thing without getting exhausted. The years have taken a toll on the body;;; I hope you can get back into it. It may be a slow process still, but the important thing is to try!!

Regarding blakrye MYOs, would you ever consider allowing pearl trait for a higher rarity cost? As much as I'd like one for my main oc, her hair is white u__u

otterespresso

it’s been a rough, rough, ROUGH and all around depressing year, but at least things are starting to look up for the next year. It might not be right away, and it might not be perfect, but (knock on wood) it’s gotta be better than the dumpster fire that 2020 was. take it easy and take your time <3

revival

I'm sorry that things are being rather rough this year, I hope that in the new year things will get better and lift your spirits. Even if a little.

Please do take care of yourself the best you are able, potentially see help from both a therapist/psychologist who can maybe ease things up. Of course, if financially possible.

I wouldn't mind helping out by buying a MYO slot at all!

Jotaku

Thank you for your kind words! ;o;
It's def not something financially possible for me right now, unfortunately. Tbh I'm mostly hoping that once I fully catch up on things -- which is when I'll be financially stable again -- is when I'll finally get over everything and feel better. Y'know, when that stress is no longer over me. D;

Anyway, I'll go ahead and mark you for a slot and then message you to confirm it once I officially open. Should be in just a few minutes!

HEAVENDELUXE

It's so difficult to balance work with personal struggle. Others have said it here already, so I'll just second them; but really, I hope easing back in works well for you. I also recommend using the pomodoro technique if you can. Its helped me out of a lot of depressed ruts. I'll set the timer for 20 minutes and tell myself, I just have to work for this long.. and usually by the time it's up I've got enough momentum to keep going. If not, then at least I made it for those 20 minutes and can take a little break before starting again. Your mileage may vary, but I highly recommend it as something to try when you're trapped in that "well when I finally finish this I'll..." trap.

in the mean time I'd be happy to help support in these rough times with a myo slot. Hopefully sales will help cover everything and keep things running smoothly!

Jotaku

This is actually really good advice and I think I'll try it sometime. I've done similar, where I set a timer and try to make myself work/focus for x amount of hours, but perhaps a short burst approach like you've suggested would help a bit more...
Anyway, thank you for the kind words and advice, and for the interest in a MYO slot! I'll mark you down for one and message you to confirm when I have it all sorted out! ;v;/

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Jotaku

Oh man, that's exactly it, too. TT___TT;;
Like a never ending stress/guilt/slowness/worry spiral, and it's awful. o<-<

Thank you so much for your kind words, though, I really appreciate it.
And I'll write you down for a slot then and message you to confirm when I have it all sorted out! Thank you for the interest! ;w;//

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Jotaku

Hi, and thank you for the interest! I'll write you down for one and message you to confirm when I have the opening/info all sorted out! ;w;/

starsweetiie

Take care of yourself and stay safe! Hope things get better soon, it's been a really tough year, but we're rooting for you (9>∇<)9

Jotaku

Thank you so much for the support!! ;__;/

mozaik

i hope you feel better soon! >//<) <3! i would be interested in a sphaerra myo slot for sure, tho im not familiar with pricing as itd be my first one haha

Jotaku

Thank you!
Sphaerra MYOs range from $40-55 depending on the traits you want to add. I'll write you down for a slot, and then I'll confirm it with you after I have the opening and info all up!

Fleurdelynx

Just as a suggestion. I'm sure a few upgrade trait slots would be a popular sell without too much work on your end.

Armota

Your not alone-- everybody I know including myself has been hit hard with the slow and stressful atmosphere of the world right now :( Take the time you need to get back into the groove, it's so hard to get anything done... I've personally been taking it one day at a time and diving into some old passions QwQ// Any progress is good progress! I wish you luck and hope you feel better soon ToT;;

Id also be happy to buy a myo slot and support you if I see them rolling around!

Jotaku

Gosh, thank you so much for the kind words and support! ;o;

And how about I write you down for a slot, and then I'll confirm it with you after I have everything sorted. If you change your mind on wanting it later, no biggie! ;w;/

hinatot

this year hasn't been easy. take care of yourself, that's most important-

u__wo_

I understand, I feel like I'm at a similar limit lately and it's very hard for me to accept despite how obvious it is because I used to be such an energetic and productive person T_T..

Regarding the MYOs, what all would be available for them? 0:

Jotaku

Man if that ain't a mood. It kills me looking back on previous years when I was so productive that I could finish like multiple commissions in a single day. Now I struggle to get one done across several. :((

Blakryes and sphaerras as usual, although I think I might actually offer a few limited melwyrm spots at a higher price, too. I've kinda wanted to avoid selling those as MYOs but I know they're more sought after and I could just honestly really use the money rn, so if I was ever gonna do it.. I guess now would be the time. o<-<

u__wo_

Yehp. Between how easy it is to lose motivation, and how easy it is to hurt my back/wrist/whatever the hell my body wants to kill off for the day, art gets harder and harder 😞 but I have faith in you, you've still got that quality even if it takes longer to get to the end product.

I'd definitely be interested in Melwyrm MYOs, I'd love to get alt forms for mine and my bf's mains 🙏

Jotaku

God, RIP to us both lol. But thanks for the encouragement, I'mma keep trucking on! TT__TT/

And sure! I settling on $100 for them since they go for much higher than my other adopts and aren't likely something I plan to offer again. If that sounds alright with you I'll put you down for two(?), but if not then no worries! Totally understand since it's on the pricier end esp for a MYO. o/

u__wo_

I can do that! I'd love to have them especially so I could commission official art from you of them in the future when you're more comfortable taking them 🙏

I'll PM you addresses n' stuff? 'w'

Jotaku

Aww, I'd look forward to that! ;w;
And sure, go ahead! ^__^/

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Jotaku

Aw man, I totally understand the financial issues (cuz phew, same boat rn), but still appreciate the sentiment! I hope your sales go well regardless!
And thank you so much for the kind words and support. Paralyzing is honestly such a good word for it, too. Like everything just feels so.. monumental to tackle and do anymore. o<-<

37564

Please don’t be so hard on yourself ♡ please take your time and be patient with yourself!! I'm sure others will understand. I hope you start feeling better soon! You deserve lots of love and happiness!! ^^ **hug**

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KimchiJuseyo

I don't interact with your posts much(usually too shy haha) but I hope the depression passes soon for you, I know how it goes and it's so hard to drag yourself out of dark places. It's definitely been a rough year for a lot of people so don't be too hard on yourself and focus on your mental health as best you can. Feel better soon. ♡

Jotaku

Aw, thank you so much though for taking the time to reply and for the encouragement! I'll do my best to hang in there! TT__TT

KimchiJuseyo

You got this, if you got a person to vent to I find that helps a lot. If you don't have a person to vent to then I'm an open ear if needed.

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Jotaku

Uwahh, thank you! TT___TT

Tbh that's a big fear of mine; I don't feel like I've seen any loss of quality in my work - I actually still like the pieces I'm putting out - but it can be hard judging your own art.
I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you, but I'm glad it turned around when you started feeling better! (Also hope your surgeries went smoothly!)

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Rune-ko

I'm really sorry that you had and well-- still have been dealing with depression ;;

I wish you all the best and I'll be on the lookout for those MYO slots when I have some money to spare-- I'm currently also saving up for something
but if I can manage to make more money than I need, I'll try to help out where I can :)!!

Hoping you'll feel better with time and stay safe

Jotaku

Thank you for the kind comment and support! TT___TT/
And I wish you luck with whatever you're saving up for!

Rune-ko

Thank you!! It's something I never thought I'd buy-- a massive bunny figure with a very great booty HAHAHA
Don't ask me why--I don't know either way but I adore this figure

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misumisu

take care of you!!! >o< hope everything gets better soon.
was hoping to comm you for more art this year, but if you can't open up again this year, that is more than fine. please don't take on more than you can chew! like i said, take care of yourself. you're only one person, after all.